True Confession — I'm Dating Multiple People at Once

January 21, 2009

Weigh in and tell us if you forgive or not forgive this True Confession.

"I'm dating three guys right now. None of them know about each other, and two of them are friends. I love the attention I'm getting, but why do I create this drama for myself? I haven't had 'the talk' with any of them yet, so is it fair game to continue dating all three?"

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33 Comments

bethsuga1 4 years

plenty of people are happy in polyamous relationships - where they date multiple people at once its not how many people she is involved with - the only issue here is the lack of honesty.

melizzle 4 years

Forgive. You're just dating. No commitments.

Muirnea 4 years

Like others have said, you aren't really doing anything wrong. You aren't exclusive with anyone, so you can do whatever you want. Also though, like other posters have said, if any of them ask you, of course tell the truth. If you lied when someone asked you what the situation was, then that would be wrong IMO. The only way it would be unforgivable to me is if you were having sex with all of them or at least two of them and didn't inform the others. Because then they deserve to know just for health reasons.

Muirnea 4 years

lindssaurussss 4 years

forgive. its ok to look around. as long as your not exclusive with none of them and just having fun...and being safe

anneface 4 years

I voted undecided. I think it's fair game as long as if you were on the other side of the fence you'd be okay with it. The "golden rule" thing and all.

anneface 4 years

I voted undecided. I think it's fair game as long as if you were on the other side of the fence you'd be okay with it. The "golden rule" thing and all.

allourregrets 4 years

I dont see anything wrong with this. Guys do stuff like this all the time, so I dont know why we, as women, feel bad when we do it.

frieddumpling 4 years

If they all know it's not anything serious, then you're not in the wrong. HOWEVER, I'm assuming since you're asking for forgiveness...really, it's a lie of omission. Don't set up a pathetic excuse for something you know you're doing wrong by saying "TECHNICALLY". If you know it's wrong, it is. So try to amend the situation before everyone finds out and ultimately you're the "bad guy". And it's just wrong to come between friends...

Miss Senorita 4 years

I see nothing wrong with it if you aren't in a relationship with any of them. I would be careful sleeping with all of them. The only problem I see it causing is with the 2 that are friends. I'm undecided on this.

Frank y Ava 4 years

Damn girl you're quite busy. My friend was doing this at one time, but she hardly saw them so it wasn't like a real relationship. If it ain't broke don't fix it. That's what I live by. But I'm sure a couple of them will fade away and you will find out who you're most interested in.

Frank y Ava 4 years

Jude C 4 years

I voted "undecided." It really depends on if you're lying to them. You're under no obligation to announce that you're still playing the field, but if you're intentionally telling one (or all) of them that you're not dating anyone else, then that's problematic.

mondaymoos 4 years

Men do it allll the time. Definitely forgive... and have fun with it... isn't that what "dating" is for anyway?

chatondeneige 4 years

bchigrl, who are we to judge her sexual choices, as long as she's being safe? Unless they ask, or until you have the talk, I don't see anything wrong with what you're doing!

chatondeneige 4 years

bchigrl, who are we to judge her sexual choices, as long as she's being safe? Unless they ask, or until you have the talk, I don't see anything wrong with what you're doing!

bchicgrl 4 years

There's nothing wrong with dating 3 guys at once as long as its just dating and not sleeping with all 3 of them. That being said it's a pretty ballsy move to date friends simultaneously and especially when they do not know you are seeing them both. I wouldn't necessarily say anything now since it's been awhile but in the future if one of these 3 do not work out the next time you decide to multiple date I would let the guys in question know you are still openly dating so they don't expect anything more until you are ready. It's better they know so if they do want more they can find someone who is ready to commit to one person.

hope2be 4 years

Eh, what's to forgive? You haven't had the 'talk,' so you're basically a free agent. BUT, what's about the 'drama,' I don't see one unless you're planning on one, which is weird (I don't like 'drama'). As for the 2 friends, I doubt that they're dating you 'seriously,' if neither of them seem to know that they're dating the same girl, they're probably in the same mind frame, just 'dating' around and checking things out.

hope2be 4 years

lilegwene 4 years

If you've just been seeing them for a little while, it shouldn't matter. I'm sure most people would go on multiple dates if they get the opportunity and aren't tied down; your situation. Couple things though... you should make sure the guys are on the same page. There doesn't have to be "a talk" for one person to think a relationship is exclusive while the other doesn't. If you actually see it going anywhere with one of these guys, break it off with the others. Lastly, when you list the reason for seeing all three as "love the attention" it comes off... wrong. Kind of pathetic. While it is nice to go on dates and have a boost of confidence, you should be able to get that without creating drama and hiding what you're doing.

lilegwene 4 years

If you've just been seeing them for a little while, it shouldn't matter. I'm sure most people would go on multiple dates if they get the opportunity and aren't tied down; your situation.Couple things though... you should make sure the guys are on the same page. There doesn't have to be "a talk" for one person to think a relationship is exclusive while the other doesn't.If you actually see it going anywhere with one of these guys, break it off with the others.Lastly, when you list the reason for seeing all three as "love the attention" it comes off... wrong. Kind of pathetic. While it is nice to go on dates and have a boost of confidence, you should be able to get that without creating drama and hiding what you're doing.

lickety split 4 years

obviously the men don't care who you date and they don't require much of your time, or there would be an incident. then one or more of the men would say something and things would change. friends talk about who they date. either your name hasn't come up (not important enough to mention)m or it has and they aren't bothered. you've taken a piece of information and built a senerio around it. stop doing that and there goes the drama :) the only one who has an issue here is you. forgive because no one else cares.

lickety split 4 years

obviously the men don't care who you date and they don't require much of your time, or there would be an incident. then one or more of the men would say something and things would change. friends talk about who they date. either your name hasn't come up (not important enough to mention)m or it has and they aren't bothered.you've taken a piece of information and built a senerio around it. stop doing that and there goes the drama :) the only one who has an issue here is you.forgive because no one else cares.

Fallen85 4 years

Fess up to what? I think you're doing nothing wrong. If they ASK if you're seeing other people then dont lie but if they dont ask then it should just be assumed. Until you agree on being exclusive... you're not exclusive. Simple as that. I used to date 3 or 4 guys at the same time (mind you none of them knew each other at all) and until I had "the talk" with one of them I would keep on dating them. But trust me, if you TELL them you're seeing other people they'll just get all weirded out and offended and stuff so it's much less drama not telling them. In the future... dont date people from the same group of friends.

Fallen85 4 years

Fess up to what? I think you're doing nothing wrong. If they ASK if you're seeing other people then dont lie but if they dont ask then it should just be assumed. Until you agree on being exclusive... you're not exclusive. Simple as that. I used to date 3 or 4 guys at the same time (mind you none of them knew each other at all) and until I had "the talk" with one of them I would keep on dating them. But trust me, if you TELL them you're seeing other people they'll just get all weirded out and offended and stuff so it's much less drama not telling them.In the future... dont date people from the same group of friends.

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33 Comments