This is a difficult situation for you. You're stressed out, money has GOT to be tight - med school and a wedding combined? Ouch! - and now this happens. I voted undecided because you haven't actually done anything yet, and anyone that votes "not forgive" really does need to walk a mile in your mocassins on this one. But really, think about telling the guy. It's gonna be a lot to go into a marriage with a big secret already. Plus, if you do go ahead and get an abortion, wouldn't you want him to be there for you to support you? Plus you have to consider the logistics of the procedure...could you even feasibly hide the cost and recovery time from him? I think you've got a lot of thinking to do. Good luck.

It's only unforgivable if you don't tell him-the man you're about to marry. I say talk it out with him-your partner, you shouldn't be afraid, because (i'm assuming) it's his child. Who knows? maybe he'll be thrilled and be willing to work around the other circumstances, or he'll help you decided if an abortion is the right choice.

You just can't keep a secret this big from someone you're planning a life with. That just goes against what a marriage relationship should be. You got into this together, and you have to talk about this with him, and make the decision as a couple.

Difficult situation, though it's normal to check out all options. I don't know how far you are, but if there's still time take it.

Eventually, you have to talk to your fiance. Sure, you're the pregnant one, and a pregnancy will effect you more than him (at least for the next months), however, having an abortion and hide it from him while you're actually planning to spend the rest of your life with him, doesn't sound too smart.

Talk to him; maybe he can help you making a decision. Good luck.

This is every bit his decision as it is yours. I know that some people think just because the baby grows inside the woman, it's her decision, but it takes two to create a baby. And because, this isn't just some white lie, he has a right to know. You don't want to go into a marriage starting with lies and secrets. This is something you both need to decide and agree on.

And for the record, forgiveness isn't up to us the posters. And also, I don't get this whole "don't forgive stuff." If you want someone to forgive you of things, you have to be willing to forgive others.

Your choice seems reasonable, but you shouldn't have to go through that by yourself, so tell him to get him to support you emotionally.

if you want a successful marriage: tell him. you cant go into a marriage with such a big secret, it will haunt you. and when he finds out he may never be able to forgive you.
i'm not saying you should get an abortion or not, but it's such a tough decision. tell you fiance about it. he will be able to support you, and you can both step into this marriage trusting each other fully.
good luck!

i didnt say not forgive to abortion, i voted not forgive to a sneaky abortion w/o him knowing. its his kid too.

I am pro-choice, but I think the father has a right to voice his opinion in the choice. And you are getting married to this man, it's not just another baby daddy. I honestly think people who get abortions take the easy way out and are cowards. But I don't know your circumstances, I just know from my point of view I would feel like a murder, especially if I didn't tell my future husband I took away something that is half his. Half His genetic code, there are 3 people involved in this situation (you, him, and the baby)... so don't be selfish.

not forgive, you won't be able to forget this if you stay with this man, your 'doctor fiance who you love dearly'. after you have your beautiful babies, you will probably regret your choice; many pro-choice ppl become pro-life for themselves, not necessarily politically, after becoming parents. i dont have stats but believe most men who get married want to have kids eventually (and why wouldn't they since we do a lot of the work raising them,) so whether or not you are having kids later or being asked to, this is not something you can just wash away. get to a therapist/ counsellor/ trusted family member if you can't talk to your husband. you are taking this very lightly. this is not a one night stand abortion, its the baby of the man you are about to take vows with! have you even thought about what exactly the abortion procedure entails? for the fetus, not for you. its almost like you are more concerned with your chunk of savings than a human life which depends on you.
sorry for being harsh, hope i could prevent u from doing something that i believe you would later regard as a mistake...

Tell him and decide together. This isn't a case of some guy knocking you up and you not wanting to have his child - you're about to marry this person and he has a right to know and you have to make the decision together.

Your child > a "dream" wedding, imo.

totally agree with sundaygreen.

I put undecided. This isn't one of those simple questions that you can forigve/not forgive on this website. Definitely I think you should tell your finace... if you don't, it's likely you'll break down weeks/months/years later. Secrets are not the way to go when you're talking about starting the rest of your life with this man.

If you have an abortion you will regret for a long time and the fact that you won't tell him will make it worse because you will not have anyone to share your pain with. Talk to him about it, you won't regret having a child.

It's technically up to you. and if this was a one-night stand or just a casual partner I'd say do what you want. However, since you're marrying him, this needs to be a joint decision.

You're about to marry this man, you need to tell him. You guys will make the decision together. If you're not ready to be a mother, and that you feel alright having an abortion, I will not cast any stone whatsoever, unlike people here who are deflecting the question to a totally different argument - BUT your fiancé is not just an extra in this particular movie : you need to have that talk, however scary it is. That's what being married is about. You want to bet, that if you get that abortion (which, however pro-choice and decided you can be, is never an easy thing to go through), not only will the secret eat away at you, but he'll find out, and your future together will be ruined. TRUST HIM. If you don't, then DON'T MARRY HIM!

This man is your future husband, and I presumably think the father of your unborn child.

I think it's best you discuss this with him. You two need to make a joint decision because your pregnancy was a joint effort, and it effects both of your futures. Welcome to married life!

You can tell him but it's your choice, ultimately. And no, this isn't a forgive/not forgive scenario. Don't let anyone try and sway your opinion by telling you what they'd want you to do.

as difficult as your situation is, you have to tell him. just because an abortion would eliminate the problem at present, just think of the possible repercussions down the road that remain unforeseen at this time. how are you going to feel if/when you get pregnant again down the road when you are trying to build a family? will you be prepared to deal with those emotions all over again and once again have to keep it a lie from your husband that it wasn't your first pregnancy, etc.? lies somehow have a way of being found out, and it would be better to handle now than days, months, and even years down the road. it is his life too, his child too. even if you both decide to proceed with the abortion, at least it will be your decision together.

You should let him know, but if you've already made up your mind then let him know that as well. An abortion isn't just a physical procedure, it's also very emotionally taxing. You're going to need your fiance to lean on.

I agree you should make this decision with your soon-to-be hubby. I am pro-choice because I don't think we should impose decisions on anyone but before making your decision please consider these things...tons of loving couples are looking to adopt babies and are prepared to give these children the world. For all we know that baby inside you is a future world leader. If you're not yet up to the task of parenting- which is completely understandable- let another family give this baby it's chance in the world. Also remember, just because your not getting the fairy tale start to your family that you had planned on doesn't mean you won't be a terrific mother.

i understand that it's difficult and complicated. but you HAVE to tell him. when he finds out he will hate you for ever. and you will hate yourself in the future as well. I completely understand your concern but if you do it it will ruin everything. So please talk to your fiance. If you really disagree on the subject then maybe it's not ment to be.

Not forgive. Are you capable of thinking about anybody but yourself? You are pushing through on having the wedding now whilst he is still in MED SCHOOL and now you want to abort his unborn baby without even telling him?

Not forgive. This is an issue between you and your fiance.

My fiancé and I were in a very similar situation (2 months before our wedding, we still had 2 years of schooling left, money was very tight) and together we decided to have an abortion. The only thing I (sort-of) regret is the fact that we don't feel any regret about it. It was definitely the best decision for us, especially as we've since decided not to have kids at all. At the same time, I can't really imagine having gone through everything without his knowledge and support though.

While *I* totally would forgive you if you decided to do it alone, I'd recommend talking with your fiancé. I was hesitant to bring up my pregnancy to my now-husband, especially since he's a pastor's kid, but he was actually the one to suggest abortion first.

My sister, in a not-dissimilar situation, decided to go through with the pregnancy, broke up with her fiancé, and now gets insanely frustrated when her ex uses time with their son (they have joint custody) as a bargaining chip for various things (the tax credit, medical bills, a desk and Christmas ornaments she had stored at his house!, etc). She's still got a semester of college left, is flat-broke, and while she wouldn't give up her son for anything, she does sometimes wish she'd made a different choice.

I just want to preface my comment by saying that I'm totally pro-choice.

All I have say is... wow. I cannot believe you are considering just aborting this child and not telling your future husband. As others have said, this is NOT just a one-night stand. This is your life partner.

You think this life you created is so expendable that you don't want to deal with it because it will ruin your dream wedding?

Selfish selfish selfish.

On second thought, you should abort it. If you're even considering this you clearly aren't fit to be a parent right now.

I am absolutely pro-choice. And I think that if it comes down to your fiance's opinion and yours, you are the final decision.

However, I think your fiance has the right to state his opinion and feelings on this issue. You should do him the courtesy of allowing him to know about this, have a reaction and have his opinions have an impact on you.

This is not something you should hide. That you consider hiding it is a symptom of a deeper issue. It seems to be a way of avoiding talking about a potentially unpleasant issue which your fiance has a right to know. To not do so is disrespectful and dishonest.

if you do this and not tell him, it will always bug you in the back of your mind!! i think you should tell him now, because someday you're going to feel so bad about it and want to spill your guts to him..and who knows how he will take it then.

I don't think it's NOT worth telling him - how can you start a marriage with that hanging over your head? If he agrees with you about the abortion, then you go from there and do what's best. If he doesn't agree, then you have to decide what's best from there.

I'm completely pro-choice, but I always remember someone saying "It may not be the right time, but it's the right baby."

Good luck!

This is his baby too. You really need to tell him you're pregnant and then talk about your options TOGETHER.

You will need all the support you can get if you decide to have this child with him or not to. If you have an abortion and something goes wrong how would you be able to hide that fact from him. He would be concerned for your well-being and wonder why you did explain to begin with. He'd probably wonder what else has been hidden from him. He deserves to know the situation and let you both decide what is best for all.

First of all, I'll just say that a lot of women that want to just "get an abortion" end up having a lot of very mixed emotions about it afterwards. No one ever talks about the aftermath of it: you're terminating a pregnancy and the decision to do that could come back to haunt you later. It happened to my aunt; she had an abortion and afterwards, she had severe depression and ended up almost committing suicide. Regardless of your choice, you should definitely discuss this issue with your fiance. The baby is half his, remember. He might not want you to terminate the life of his future child and I believe he has an equal say in the matter. Also, I agree with the other posters that said that it was fairly selfish to put your wedding ahead of your child. I think that if I had been pregnant when my husband and I were engaged, we would have just gone to the courthouse and eloped or else just had a very bare-bones wedding. Being a parent means being unselfish sometimes, I guess.

First, how selfish to put a "lavish" wedding over your child. I am technically pro-choice but if I were in your situation, I would think carefully about whether you want to start your life together having accidentally created something (a child) together, gotten rid of it, and had your lavish wedding. I don't know how old you are, but that would weigh heavily on my relationship. And it disturbs me on a deep level that you are considering having an abortion and not telling your fiance. How disgusting. I'm not sure you're ready to get married. It sounds like you're just in it for the lavish wedding - to hell with the actual relationship or any situation that isn't perfect timing.

I don't care what you decide to do, but if you decide to do it without your fiance, that's unforgivable. It takes two to conceive a child. It would be totally unfair to your future husband to keep this a secret. Your lies will catch up to you. Just be honest.

tell him! its just as much his baby as it is yours.

Yeah, you have to tell him. One of the reasons you are getting married should be to go through all of life's battles together. The only reason I can think that you wouldn't want to tell him is if you think he would disagree with your decision. Whatever his view is, though, you need to hear it. I'm in medical school too, and for what it's worth I understand about the timing issue. Good luck with your decision and the future conversation!

I think you need to discuss it with him at least. It is unforgivable to make a decision without him.

It's a super stressful time and you need to have someone in person to help you through this. Who better than your husband and the baby's father? I've known several people who have had their first children while in med school and had the big wedding. One even had twins! And they weren't rich and it worked out for them.

One lie will just cause more lies that need to told to cover it up. And not only do you need emotional support during this time, if you have an abortion there can be risk of infection - and if that happens you won't be able to lie about that. He is going to be a doctor ... And just from a future medical perspective, you need to tell him. If you do want to have children with him, and you do have the abortion, it will come out that you've been pregnant before - ob/gyns ask if you've ever had a pregnancy, abortion - and if you later have difficulty conceiving they'll look for scar tissue. Being a doctor, he'll figure it out and It will put strain on your relationship.

you need to tell him and make the decision together. You can't start a new life together with this sort of 'lie' - Besides, you may not think you're ready but he might have a different idea entirely.

in the end its your body, your decision, it would be BETTER to tell him and discuss it, but in the end its pretty much all on you.

if you can't talk to him about this, then you shouldn't be getting married

you should have the final decision, but you gotta at least tell him what you're doing because it effects him too

I must ask, that if you don't feel like you can confide in/with your fiance, why are you getting married? What is your foundation?

You are in a difficult situation, but you need to get all of the facts and so does the baby's father. Also, please consider adoption. There are so many loving people out there that would love to have a child, but can't--just because this new little life isn't something you might be prepared for doesn't mean he/she doesn't have a place in the world!

i say not forgive if you go through with the abortion and you do not tell him.

You need to tell him, you are about to marry him for goodness sakes!

I am torn here, on one hand I say that you are selfish to think about the wedding before a child on the other i say Go for it, because you would make a lousy mom.

Talk to him ... Its his decision too ...
If he agrees he will be there to support you ...
If he disagrees maybe there will be a solution both of you can agree upon ...

i agree with everyone, discuss it with your fiancee and then make a decision together. 'not forgive' only comes into action if you get an abortion without ur fiancee knowing at least.

What's the point of marrying someone if you can't talk about your pregnancy with him? If you don't feel like sharing this with him, why are you marrying him?

I'm totally pro-choice, so don't get me wrong, but this is not a decision to be made like this. It needs to be talked about in depth. People all over the world have babies without a lot of money, so really think about it. It's something that you're going to have to live with, and TRUST ME, that is harder than you know. If you want to talk to someone before and/or after you talk to him, please contact me. I'm serious and open. I'm not some whack job, just someone who knows what you're going through.

i think this is something you need to speak with your fiance about. not only would you be starting off your marriage with a huge lie but its one that will affect you for the rest of your life. how would you feel holding onto that burden? how would you feel when youre in a doctors office and have to disclose medical information like that someday when you do have a child? are you going to keep your husband out of the room when you go for checkups? I would definitely tell him about it and make that decision together. i'm sure if he echoes your sentiment on not being ready for a family, then he will support whatever decision you make and its much easier having someone share that burden rather than keeping secrets from him. good luck. get birth control.

You need to get used to making these big decisions as a team, together. You absolutely need to discuss this with him before you do it. No question about it.