First off, I need to say that I completely understand that all the things that happened to me were my own fault and I need to work on myself.
I have been with my BF for a year now and I am in love with him. He also (used to) tell me he is madly in love with me. Through this year I have seen some strange behavior from him, indicating that he was cheating on me. And add to these the strange feeling that sometimes hit me that he is cheating for sure. But NEVER did I have an actual proof.
So every time this happened, I acted like a 15 year old and confronted him. The first few times he defended himself and told me how he loved me and would never do anything to hurt me and would never cheat on me, after some time he got mad but still tried to prove me wrong and not let me go.
But this time, he is changed. And this time the signal that he was cheating and his strange behavior and unmatched words were stronger than ever. He said things that even a 5 year old could tell he is lying. But still, I couldn't prove it and he could brush my words off with just any excuse. This time he did not try to calm me down, he was furious and told me he is tired. Told me that I wasn't perfect myself and I have phobia from people hurting me and when problems come I act like a toddler.
His behavior and his not trying to win me back and his coldness making me believe that he must be seeing someone and heading off to something serious and that's why he is not trying to fix things. It's stupid, I know. But I am stupid.
I don't know how to fix things now, I tired to break things off, because no matter what he said, I still think he is cheating. But again, he accused me of leaving when a problem shows up between us. I thought maybe by apologizing and confessing to my fears, mistakes and insecurities, maybe he would come back and stop being so cold to me. But he didn't. He is as cold as a stone and this is so new to me. I am so used to seeing him worshiping me and pampering me all the time. I can't take this anymore. And if I want to leave and work on myself, he would call me a quitter.
I know I ruined a wonderful loving relationship. He used to call me flawless and say I am the most easy going and charming. We used to worship our memories together, but last night he told me I ruined everything for him.
What should I do? About not trusting him? About believing that he is lying? And about him being distant? About hurting him? How should I fix things?
Is there anything I could do if I want this relationship to work again? Should I let him be for now, to clear his head and wait for him to call and come back? Or should I show up and tolerate his cold behavior in hope that he will be back soon?