There's a reason John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John felt so strongly about Summer lovin'. After all, the season's about turning up the heat and spending the hot sticky months with someone you love. Get on your way with a bucket list packed with fun and playful suggestions for a sexy Summer, be it in the bedroom or the great outdoors. With just three months left to check them off, what are you waiting for? Check out the ultimate Summer bucket list for couples now!
It's officially wedding season, and whether you're a bride, bridesmaid, or guest, surely many of you are getting in on the "I do" fun in one way or another this year. And while brides are the gals in the spotlight — wearing the crowns at the bachelorette parties and registering for gifts galore — they certainly aren't the only ones enjoying the perks of this nuptial season. In fact, it's a lot less stressful being a guest. Unattached? You don't need a plus-one to take advantage of a friend or family member's big day. Here are nine reasons to love wedding season when you're single and ready to mingle!
This question is from a Group Therapy post in our Community. Add your advice in the comments!
My husband has a friend "John Doe," who hasn't had sex in many years. He is handsome — I think he looks kind of like a young Tom Hanks — and super sweet. He likes seeing romantic movies and miniseries and sometimes watches them with me. He is the most intelligent person I know and has an IQ of something like 180. His problem is that he was abused as a child and has depression. He was 9 the first time he attempted suicide and eventually turned to burning — he calls it "branding" — himself as a coping mechanism to avoid suicide. He doesn't do this stuff anymore, but he still has issues with depression. My husband has asked me if I would be willing to open our marriage to this friend of his. I am so conflicted about this. Here are my pros and cons.
Pros
Cons
I need some advice. What do you think?
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We're happy to present this excerpt from one of our favorite sites, HowAboutWe. Today, Maggie Parker spills some of the signs that your date is over before it's even begun.
We've all been there; sitting across from someone during a first date, wishing there were a way you could have known before you left your house on a rainy Sunday night that you were going to regret it.
There may not be a foolproof method for determining a date’s success in advance. But the few hours before a first date could offer some very clear red flags.
If you see one of said red flags, stop and take notice. We aren't saying you should cancel the date then and there, but if more than one flag gets waved, be sure you're paying attention. Here are the biggest signs to watch out for.
1. You ask where to meet and he says, "I don't know but I only have $(15 or less) in my bank account so somewhere cheap."
Why is he bringing up his financial problems before your first date? And come on, why does he have so little money in his bank account?! You may not care about his financial status at this moment, but a desire for financial stability is a reasonable request. Utter disregard for boundaries so early on is not.
2. He suggests you meet on a street corner, with no exact venue in mind.
A casual date is perfectly understandable, but on a first date, you are allowed to expect him to put the effort in. Call us old-fashioned, but the first date is when both parties should behave at their best. That requires doing a little research and actually coming up with a plan.
3. He knows you live far from him, but he suggests you meet him near his house/work.
If he's asking you to come to his territory so soon, take it as a sign that he isn't going to be the most considerate partner.
4. He has you pick the place, but then complains that he doesn't like that spot.
First of all, a gentleman offers to plan the date (and does it, if you take him up on his offer). Second of all, is a first date really the place to complain about the venue?
For five more signs, head to HowAboutWe: 9 Signs Your Date Is Going Downhill Before It Starts.
Check out these other great stories from HowAboutWe:
This question is from a Group Therapy post in our Community. Add your advice in the comments!
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half. I really love him and we generally have a great relationship, but definitely with our share of ups and downs. The downs have mainly been due to fears and insecurities I have — it's my first really serious relationship (I'm in my mid-20s and a life long commitment-phobe!), so feeling this vulnerable is overwhelming and scary for me at times.
Since the beginning of our relationship I have always had dreams about my boyfriend that range from neutral (we're out with a bunch of friends but not really talking to each other) to terrible (he's with an ex or I'm cheating on him with someone else). I get the good one on occasion, but it's rare. These dreams really mess with my head. It's terrible when you wake up in the morning and that's the first thing you think about! It can throw me into a funk and get me ruminating on something all day to the point where I pick a fight with him about it later. Really unhealthy behavior. But it also makes me really worry about where these feelings and fears are coming from, and if any of them are legitimate.
I should add that prior to this, I usually didn't have dreams that I remembered. Once a week, maybe. Now it's 3-4 times a week at least. And most focus on him or people I know through him. I was also never the person who had 'great' dreams — no sitting on the beach drinking coronas in my REM cycle! They are always a little bizarre or action packed. Just for background.
So my question is: what does all of this mean? Is this normal? Is there anything I can do to stop it? I'm tired of waking up with a pit in my stomach — some nights I'm hesitant to fall asleep because of this! Thank you.
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This National Best Friend Day, maybe it's time to freshen up your friendships. If you feel like you're in a bit of a friendship rut or hope to improve your existing relationships, these simple tips are sure to help you boost those connections. For advice on staying in touch, finding time, and making the most of special moments, take a look at these common friendship faux pas — and how to avoid them.
The faux pas: You're completely MIA.
The solution: Sure, life gets busy, but staying in touch doesn't have to be a full-time job. If your hectic schedule means you can't meet up for coffee or go out over the weekend, show your friend that you're thinking of her in a simpler way. Call her during your lunch break for a quick catch-up session, text her a funny picture, or email her a quick update and let her know you'll follow up when you have more time on your hands. Even when you don't have lots of time, you can take advantage of the shorter bits of time you do have.
The faux pas: You flake on plans.
The solution: It's inevitable that every once in a while, something will come up, and you'll have to ditch a friend date at the last minute — just don't turn it into a habit. Before you agree to a plan, take the time to be sure you can make it, and if you do need to cancel, call rather than text to show a little extra courtesy.
Keep reading for more ways to avoid friendship mistakes.
There's something to be said for a full, well-rounded group of friends — a support network that can be there for you no matter what you need. Although some friends check off plenty of boxes, it's hard to depend on just one person, so we're highlighting important relationships everyone should have. For a sentimental look at the sorts of people you should surround yourself with, take a look at seven must-have friendships — and the onscreen pals that pair with each one!
We're happy to present this excerpt from one of our favorite sites The Good Men Project. Today Eli and Josie help a woman whose boyfriend's pledge of virginity is leaving her unsatisfied.
Dear Sexes: My boyfriend is a Christian virgin who is saving himself for marriage, while I have had multiple sex partners. We have talked at length about it and do our best not to judge one another’s life choices. But we are now a year or two into the relationship, and I miss sex A LOT! We have done almost everything short of it, but the act itself is very important to me, and I am feeling very emotionally distant from him. How do I handle this without hurting his feelings?
Related: How to Kiss and Tell (Without Being an Asshole)
She Said: First, his feelings about sex and sexuality are incredibly important and I think it’s so great that you’ve been supporting one another’s pasts and choices about sexual expression.
The very first thing you should do is explain to your boyfriend that while you totally support his choice of wanting to remain a virgin until marriage, you really miss intercourse. I say “intercourse” because it sounds like you guys are already really sexual with one another. And that’s sex. Connecting intimately, and giving one another pleasure is sex.
Find a way to tell him that you want to stay with him, and you want him to know you’ll honor his desire to abstain from intercourse, but that you want your deepest feelings to be out in the open. I wonder if there’s a compromise to this situation. What exactly do you miss about penis-in-vagina (PIV) sex? Penetration? I wonder if you two could use a sex toy together while you’re fooling around? If he’s not comfortable with that, you certainly could use one on your own.
And you should absolutely avoid rushing into marriage so that you can have PIV sex. Marriage should only happen if you’re both fully committed and ready to be together for a lifetime.
Once you address within yourself exactly what it is about PIV sex that is so important to you, maybe you’ll see that PIV sex is more about something you feel you need emotionally rather than physically. If that’s the case, see if you can reconcile a way to get that emotional need met in a different way. It could be about acceptance, affirmation, or intimacy… or something altogether different.
If you do that work, and it turns out that it truly is about the physical sensation (or physical sensation combined with emotional closeness) and you discover that you cannot get that in any other way, it may come to you needing to move on to a different relationship. This is not a way to pressure him to change his values, it is not an ultimatum. If he wants to compromise those to keep you around, you should do your best to not let that happen. Loving someone means supporting the things that matter most to them. But if, after all this work, you decide PIV sex is non-negotiable, I think it’s worth moving on and both of you starting over with someone new. I just don’t think that necessarily has to be the case if you talk and work through it.
For Eli's advice, read the full story: Help! My Boyfriend Wants to Wait Until Marriage for Sex!
More from The Good Men Project:
This question is from a Group Therapy post in our Community. Add your advice in the comments!
I'm not mean, my brother is 22 years old ( I am 27). I'm very happy that he is getting married. His soon to be wife was hidden from the family for the entire time that they (3 years) were together. He just told our family that he was going to get married . . . his soon to be wife is 19 years old and has a five-year-old year and he was scared that we were going to judge him.
My brother and I aren't close, we have had a lot of conflicts over the years and although we have made up and put the past in the past, I still feel as if he resents me for mistreating him when we were kids. He constantly belittles me, and makes fun of me in front of my boyfriend and family, and he puts me down. I'm much older now so I don't stoop to his level.
He doesn't even have my phone number saved and deliberately ignores my texts messages. For Christmas and birthdays he throws money at me and says he wishes he didn't have to get me anything.
I get the fact that he really dislikes me and it hurts a lot. There's not much more then I can do. I would do his college schedule for him as a favor and it's been a while since I graduated, and somehow or another that got messed up. He blamed me and accused me for making his school time period longer but truly I thought the best way was how I was doing it (was the best way). I graduated over five years ago, so it's been a while.
I have even gone to the point of inviting his future wife out but she also shows hostility to me and refuses each offer. He wants me to be in his wedding because my mother said it's important but I feel as if he feels as if he is obligated to have me in his wedding. At this point in time, I'm starting to just forget that he exists to say that I have 2 brothers instead of 3.
I have attempted to talk to him about this and try to make amends but to no avail, the problem just remains. He refuses to talk about things and walks away or leaves the house. I have decided that maybe it's time to just let him go, to just allow him to be who he wants to be. With that, I am contemplating whether or not I should even be in his wedding. I'm really thinking about this thoroughly because I know once I go through with this there is no coming back.
What are your suggestions?
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This question is from a Group Therapy post in our community. Add your advice in the comments!
I'm in a committed relationship with my boyfriend of one year. We live together and recently moved into a new place. Our relationship, like most, started out great. He made me feel like the most special girl and like he only had eyes for me. In turn, I have been 100 percent faithful to him. He spent a month and a half in jail, and I waited for him, even at the beginning of our relationship. I am crazy about him and love him very much.
Of course, we have our troubles, but in recent times, things have gotten worse. His trust for me has diminished for no apparent reason. He will literally, out of nowhere, come at me with crazy accusations of cheating and being unfaithful (talking to guys, "lying" about where I am, etc.) — typical insecure guy behavior. But I've experienced this type of thing time and time again with men and almost every time I have been correct. When a man accuses you of cheating for no good reason, usually he is the one who is guilty. I am fully aware of this, in fact, it has a name: projection. It means, when someone has guilty feelings about something, they put them — in other words, "project" them — onto someone else in order to take the focus off themselves and put it on another. Apparently, this is a definite trait in narcissistic men, and I fear lately that maybe my boyfriend is a narcissist.
I catch him in strange, small lies. I feel he has developed an ego. Like this evening, he left to go to the store. He left his phone on the counter. I've had trust issues with him in the past and have caught him talking inappropriately to other girls before, so I couldn't help myself. I snooped. I'm sure a lot of girls can relate to this — we know it's wrong to snoop, but a women's intuition usually never lies. When we get a feeling something is up, it usually is. So sure enough, I found a text from him to a girl. A name was not saved in his phone, just a number. He said, "Hey babe, forgot to give you the new number, so this is it. It's that sexy guy [his name]."
I automatically got really upset. I have been starting to think things have been better with us, and I felt as though we were moving forward. Turns out I was wrong. Basically, my problem is that I feel it is wrong for a partner to call someone else "babe" or "baby," especially if that is the name they use for their boyfriend or girlfriend, as it is for us. My boyfriend calls me babe; I'm supposed to be his babe. So of course, it was really hurtful to see him say it to someone else. It made me feel like he doesn't only have eyes for me, and I definitely don't feel special anymore.
I confronted him when he got home, and he instantly went into defensive mode. He turned it all around on me and acted like he was mad at me because I snooped. Even though I had found something incriminating on his part, somehow I was still in the wrong. I told him I looked because I had a bad feeling he was hiding something. Obviously he wouldn't want me seeing what he said to the girl. I told him how it made me feel, how it is going to be much harder to trust him, and how it makes me look like a complete fool to this girl who knows he has a girlfriend. He stuck to his guns and he is still acting angry with me. I feel as though he could possibly be a narcissist because I do not feel as though he can ever put himself in my shoes and truly feel compassion or empathy or really understand how his actions negatively affected my emotions.
A few months ago, a guy I worked with texted me and called me babe. My boyfriend flipped, and it took forever for him to let it go and it wasn't even me saying it! He twists everything around to be my fault, no matter if he is in the wrong or not. Most of the time when we argue, he will get mad and threaten to leave or say, "Well, why don't you just break up with me then? I know you want to!" It's hard for me because I really want this to work out, and breaking up is the last thing I want to do. He uses the "I know how you really feel" lines on me and often tries to imply that I don't care. When the truth is, I feel that it is him who doesn't! I care very much and show him often. I really need some advice on how to deal with this type of an issue and this type of a man. Can anyone relate? Please let me know. Any advice is appreciated — thanks.
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