Sex Q&A With Dr. Natasha Janina Valdez 2010-03-11 13:45:04

Ask a Kinky Question, Get a Kinky Answer

March 11, 2010

We're excited to welcome clinical sexologist Dr. Natasha Janina Valdez, author of A Little Bit Kinky, to TrèsSugar for a week of guest blogging. She's helped thousands of couples create healthier relationships through sex, and next week she'll be here to help us!

From how to get what you want in bed to how to give it, Dr. Natasha will help us kink up our love lives. Have a question for her? Ask it below, and she may answer it next Friday, March 19, in our Q&A with her.

10 Comments

capestelle 3 years 8 weeks

After sex last night my boyfriend confessed to me that he feels inadequate because I don't orgasm without one of us rubbing my clit. He said he feels like "less of a man" and that maybe he isn't big enough for me. He also said that with every girl he's been with before me (and it's been quite a few!), hes never needed to spend so much time with his fingers to get them to reach orgasm. I feel inadequate and stupid. I know there are different types of orgasms, but how do you feel that "full body vaginal orgasm"? Is it normal to need the clit as well? I'd like to be able to reach orgasm without my clit, but I just don't get as turned on. Now all I can think of is "I must orgasm quickly so he doesn't get upset" and feel pressured! Please help.

capestelle 3 years 8 weeks

3 years 10 weeks

My boyfriend is 7 years older than me (he's 27), and we've been together for almost 6 months now. We love each other to death and even when we belong to different generations, we get along perfectly. I went through his porn sites once (out of curiosity because he watches porn often) and he's very into MILFs. I freaked out, especially since I'm youger than him and I thought I wasn't satisfying him as well as someone older would do... but we have talked about our sexual life (which is quite active and amazing for us both, we have talked about what we like doing and all) and he says I fully satisfy him, which made me real happy. We were talking about his dream women once, and he mentioned some pretty gorgeous women (Scarlet Johansson, Charlize Theron) but some were "local celebrities" who are hot, but in their 40s! He confessed HE LOVED MATURE WOMEN. I got kinda mad (even though I knew that) and asked him why he was with me when I am only 20 years old, and he mentioned it was just a fantasy, and that a lot of men fantasize about this (he mentioned that serie "Cougar Town" and a couple movies where this happens)... is this normal? Is it normal that he watches porn almost every day even when everytime we see each other we have sex, quickies or some sort of sexual activity? Does this mean he lied when he told me I satisfy him?

3 years 10 weeks

My boyfriend and I have not been having sex very often for about 5 months now. In that time, we have moved in together and he has started a new, highly stressful job that's not exactly stable. I understand that he's stressed out, and we have a pretty open communication about it. But we have sex maybe twice (usually it's more like once) a week. I usually try to initiate it, but he says he's too tired, too stressed, etc. But if we do happen to do it, he remarks that he feels better afterwards. I'm at the end of my rope here. I love him dearly, but I need more of a physical connection. I know he's stressed, but I how can I help him deal with that while getting some of what I need? I've been trying very hard not to be selfish about it, because I do understand how he's feeling. I'm very confused, lol. Is there a way I can get him more in the mood, and forget his troubles for a little bit?

3 years 10 weeks

My boyfriend is asking me to pretend i'm some other woman during sex. Most times one of my girlfriends. He is also telling me that he find them sexually attractive and how they turn him on but he would never do anything in real life and he likes it just as roleplaying. Also he asks me information if i have seen them naked to describe how they look etc. Is it too much and is it safe to keep feeding this or should i put a stop before its too late? Also he keeps asking me stories about my past relationships, when we did it first time and he wants to know details cause he says it turns him on too much even if he feels jealous. Is it normal?

3 years 10 weeks

I have a boyfriend who keeps bugging me about a threesome. How do I tell him that he's not getting one until we're at least engaged? We've been together for seven years now and the threesome is a very special thing to me, I don't want to participate and then have him get used to it, then he'll be wanting it all the time! Also, how do I find a girl without going through Craig's List?

3 years 10 weeks

The first time my bf and I had sex, we tried a bunch of different things and it was completely amazing. Guess we were inspired, and I discovered that I love dirty talk. Since then I've asked for it a couple of times but he could never really get into it again. When I tried to initiate it he would laugh which quite frankly hurt my feelings (though I can see why it would jar him, since he sees me as "a lady" outside of the bedroom). How can I get him to feel comfortable with it again? (And I'm also planning on buying that book :)