Sarah Haskins turned 30 recently — and she’s worried she’s “f*cked” because it seems that only ladies with short, blond hair represent products that usher one into old-ladyhood, complete with bladder issues and osteoporosis. She wants to still be able to walk with canoes, play with oranges, and feel 29 again. How to do this? Use products with dynamic first syllables. Works for me!