Being 40, alone, barren. That's the cautionary tale writer Lisa Gottlieb spins in her new book Marry Him: The Case For Settling For Mr. Good Enough; now an actual research scientist is using findings to tell childless women to giddyup. By the time we're 30, we only have one-eighth of our eggs left.
Career girls and picky women who want babies better watch out, says Dr. Tom Kelsey, of St Andrews University in the UK, "'There are women waiting for the next promotion or waiting to meet Mr. Right."
Let's start with the fact that a doctor (albeit of computer science) used the phrase "Mr. Right." Even as a blogger, I would not stoop to the low depths of cliched female nightmares. But apparently a researcher's job is no longer just to report results, but pepper them with sassy, yet unhelpful, advice. It's like your overbearing mother got a PhD.
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I don;t know anything about this book, Tres - so I can't look at the methodology. But, I'd have to assume that she's compiling data from peer-reviewed studies into a readable form if she's touting the PhD. Yeah, it's not the most modern message, but it's probable that she's just presenting an argument based on evidence.
"Does this science feel like it's right to you?" is something the right-wing is dreadfully guilty of. I am not about to do the same thing, just because I may not agree with her message,
1I think there is a big difference between telling women how much their fertility is declining and telling women they need to settle for "Mr. Good Enough" because their fertility is declining. You do not have to be married or even in a relationship to have a baby. I'm 31 and if I wasn't married now, and having a child was extremely important to me, I would be more likely to use a sperm donor than marry someone I didn't really want to marry just so I could have his baby.
2marrying someone just to have kids is awfully silly. though I do think some women wait around for the perfect guy, which is also silly because there is no such thing. just the perfect guy for you.
3I don't actually believe that there actually is what you could call "Mr./Mrs. Right" or "Mr./Mrs. Perfect." Because nobody is going to be perfect. I'm sorry to say that "Mr./Mrs. Right" is going to have baggage. They're going to have deals from their past and their own personality quirks too. And if you're looking for perfect, I'm afraid you're going to be disappointed. Not to sound negative, but sooner or later this perfect person will let you down. It's human nature. Find somebody whom you can be compatible with, who makes you happy, who loves you for yourself, in spite of all your personal flaws and try to love them in the best way you know how.
4I'm with imLissy. Marrying someone because you want a baby is idiotic, and not fair to the baby you want. And there is no "perfect" person, because humans are flawed. More than anything, I think learning to accept that is what growing up is about. It's about finding someone who accepts your flaws and whose flaws you can accept.
5I think "Mr. Right" is only in our heads. However "Mr. makes me so happy I feel like I'm about to bust" is alright by me.
But just marrying to have kids is wrong, people should marry out of love, not just so they can sprog out a kid. Sperm banks exist for a reason.
6the message I got is that the sole purpose for being a women is to procreate. I think it's insulting that another female advocates "settling" instead of happiness. Might she retitled her book "Marry him: the case of finding happiness with Mr.Good Enough" I would have respected her reasoning more.
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