My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years. We have three kids. We usually get along pretty well, but we've always fought about money. A few years ago, after he found out about some credit cards that he didn't know I had, he said, "You got us into this mess, you work it out" and from then on has only been minimally involved with our finances. I was doing ok until we moved to a new city, but didn't sell our house in our old city. We had renters for a while but when their lease was up they moved out, and although our house is for sale again, we haven't sold it yet. I have been trying to make both housing payments, but we are running out of money quickly and now our old house is in danger of being foreclosed on. I don't know if I will be able to fix it, and even if I can, I'm so stressed out and so tired of not feeling like I can discuss our true financial picture with him. He has no idea how much trouble we are in...I think he maybe can sense it but doesn't even want to bring it up, and when he asks general questions I give him purposefully vague answers. I used to keep thinking to myself that if I could get us in a better place, then I could bring him into the loop and he wouldn't flip out so much when he found out, but I'm running out of time and energy to keep doing it by myself. He won't go to relationship counseling and I have no idea where to start if I tell him before he finds out in some horrible way. I've never given him any reason not to trust me other than my money issues. We have always agreed that we don't believe in divorce, but I am afraid that when he finds out he will leave me and get a court to give him custody of our children. What can I do? In a Financial Fumble
Dear In a Financial Fumble
Honesty is always the best policy. Call me green, but this is your husband's life too. I can't understand why he wouldn't show more of an interest in it. You need to involve him in this discussion as soon as possible. There is a chance that your house won't sell anytime soon. Money is part of the whole picture in a family and a marriage. Keeping financial issues separate isn't healthy. Lay out the potential dangers and try and work out a solution together. This pressure is clearly taking a toll on you and you need him just as much for emotional support as you do for financial support.