What do you keep at the side of your bed? Water? A good book? An alarm clock? You poor deluded fool! Don't you know that as Americans our lives are threatened every night as we sleep, requiring that we keep a shotgun mounted flush on both sides of our mattresses?! Get with the program, people. The Back Up Gun Rack gives you "access to your shotgun while in the lying position in your bed." And who wouldn't want that? Well, maybe folks who already have this. Thanks, College Humor.