The Price you Have to Pay

Dear Sugar
I was the maid of honor in my friend's wedding last summer. This was her second wedding but she acted like it was her first in every way that you could imagine. Once she met her husband, just a little under a year later, she had a rock on her finger.

Then came the multiple engagement parties (one from each set of parents) multiple bridal showers, couples showers, etc... After months of planning they decided to scrap a conventional wedding and opt for a destination wedding but gave almost no time for her friends to make travel arrangements.

They chose to tie the knot in Hawaii, in the middle of summer. Since that is a very busy season for the islands, all the rooms had four night minimums, the air fare was outrageous, and on top of all of that, she chose a $450 bridesmaid dress!

Since I was her maid of honor, I obviously had to attend, with a smile. I put on a happy face, dragged my husband begrudgingly, and tried to make the best of the situation. I was happy for her after all and she was exuding excitement!

They have been married for only six months, and she recently called to tell me things aren't working out. She has decided against counseling and has filed for divorce. While I am there for my friend, and feel for her during this time, I am not the least bit surprised it didn't work out.

I am finding myself livid that I spent so much money on her wedding festivities to have it not work out so soon after. I know she had the best intentions and got carried away with all the excitement, but do I at least get my wedding gift back, a refund for my bridesmaid dress, or anything like that? Am I being a bad friend by feeling like I wasted a ton of money? Cheapskate Chandrelle

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Dear Cheapskate Chandrelle
I hate to say it, but it looks like you are S.O.L. Since you are her best friend and you accepted the role of being her maid of honor, you have to come to terms with all the expenses and duties that come with that part.

Since they have been married quite some time, chances are they have used most of their gifts already, but if you haven't purchased a gift yet, I would say you are off the hook for one now. Can your bridesmaid dress be worn again or dyed another color in an effort to turn it into a new look? Consider cropping it into a cocktail dress as another option.

Since the wedding was in Hawaii, I hope you at least got to enjoy your time there, as there is nothing you can do to get your money back for your travel expenses. I don't think there is a right or wrong way to deal with a divorce so soon after the wedding and I am sure the bride is quite overwhelmed, so all you can do is be there for her.

Once things quiet down, I would at least expect to receive a thank you note for all of your support. If not, then perhaps it is time to re-evaluate your friendship with her. Since you weren't comfortable enough telling her that she put you in a financial struggle, think about how you are going to feel if she doesn't even recognize your emotional support. Good luck to you guys.