Pretending to Talk on the Phone

Group Therapy: I Pretend to Talk on the Phone to Make People Jealous

January 9, 2011

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I have this habit for two years now, where I fake talking on the phone to let someone know what I think of them without telling them directly, or make them understand a situation, or make someone jealous, or whatever.

I'm pretending I'm talking on the phone, which I'm not really. I'm a direct person but there are some cases that I'm not!

I really want to quit doing this because I'm starting to do it quite often for even no need! I don't know who else has this habit but please, I need some advice and opinions about this.

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25 Comments

Tabloid 2 years 18 weeks

^^^ LOL! This remind me of when I was fake talking on the phone to avoid this guy to come over to ask me some stuff and suddenly, I received a bunch of text msg all at the same time so my phone rang. Aahahah! That was embarrassing.

Tabloid 2 years 18 weeks

^^^LOL! This remind me of when I was fake talking on the phone to avoid this guy to come over to ask me some stuff and suddenly, I received a bunch of text msg all at the same time so my phone rang. Aahahah! That was embarrassing.

Bettye Wayne 2 years 18 weeks

^^^ anon that's not as bad as what the op is talking about. I'm curious how people react when you talk about them to your phone. I would straight bitch smack you. When I read this I remembered this old episode of I Love Lucy, Lucy was pretending to talk on the hotel phone so this other woman couldn't use it (I don't remember why) and it started ringing. Do you have a plan thought out for if that happens? A journal is a good suggestion, and I agree I'm sure some of your friends know you do it. Try leaving your phone in your car when you're out, then you'll have to tell someone to their face what you think. Also, who are you trying to make jealous and why? Most people don't like making others jealous, you may want to look into your motivation behind that as deeply as you're looking into your motivation for fake-phoning.

Bettye Wayne 2 years 18 weeks

^^^ anon that's not as bad as what the op is talking about.I'm curious how people react when you talk about them to your phone. I would straight bitch smack you.When I read this I remembered this old episode of I Love Lucy, Lucy was pretending to talk on the hotel phone so this other woman couldn't use it (I don't remember why) and it started ringing. Do you have a plan thought out for if that happens?A journal is a good suggestion, and I agree I'm sure some of your friends know you do it. Try leaving your phone in your car when you're out, then you'll have to tell someone to their face what you think.Also, who are you trying to make jealous and why? Most people don't like making others jealous, you may want to look into your motivation behind that as deeply as you're looking into your motivation for fake-phoning.

2 years 18 weeks

um i pretend that i am talking on the phone sometimes. its only to avoid my aggressively noisy and annoying neighbor who lives below me. she is retired and sits out front of her condo all day and every time i take my dog out or go anywhere she has to question me for at least a half an hour until i end up just walking away from her while she is still talking. every time its always the same questions. where are you working, when are you getting married, where are you going, who was over your house last night, how much money do you make, who was driving the truck that picked you up last night, blah blah blah and so much more. these are every day questionings to so i just got to the point where i pretend I'm on the phone to avoid her. i already tried the responses "that's personal, or i have to go I'm in a hurry " she ignores everything i say, plus she is always drinking and half drunk which makes it worse

GTCB 2 years 18 weeks

Some people are just weird. Sometimes all one has to do to find one is look in the mirror. Seriously though, you're what, about 14? No one is going to hold you to account for behaving like a 14-year-old.

GTCB 2 years 18 weeks

Some people are just weird. Sometimes all one has to do to find one is look in the mirror.Seriously though, you're what, about 14? No one is going to hold you to account for behaving like a 14-year-old.

onlysourcherry 2 years 18 weeks

oh man. All that I'll add is that it's good that you are admitting that you have this problem and looking to change. I think your life and relationships will be far better once you stop.

lickety split 2 years 18 weeks

:rotfl: thanks for the laugh I don't know what to add(love the cookie monster comment)

lickety split 2 years 18 weeks

:rotfl: thanks for the laugh I don't know what to add (love the cookie monster comment)

lezlo 2 years 18 weeks

It really is passive aggressive and indirect, unfortunately. And as someone else pointed out, the people around you are probably very aware that you are doing this but are probably avoiding saying anything to you about it. If I saw someone doing this I certainly wouldn't say anything to them- if they are crazy enough to be publicly talking to themselves then I'm not sure how they'd react when confronted by it either. Some people mentioned some great suggestions about how to cope better and break the habit. I think you should also find a form of therapy for yourself, yoga, therapist, exercise, a confident, psychologist, priest, rabbi, mother, father, relative...find someone to talk to or something that gives you exercises to cope. Yoga might be good because everything comes down to one simple breath and focus. Whatever you do, you just need to seek out a few forms of therapies for yourself. You can still talk on the phone with no one on the other end- but do it when you are alone!!! There isn't anything wrong with doing stuff when your alone. It's a new year, good luck!

lezlo 2 years 18 weeks

HollyJRockNRoll 2 years 18 weeks

I like the suggestion of writing in a journal. It's far more theraputic. Also, its pretty rude and down right cowardly to pretend to talk on the phone so others will know how you feel about them. You should stop that-pronto! Do you have any friends. I'm serious, and not saying it in a nasty way. It sounds like you don't have anyone real to talk to, which is why you are pretending to call people who are not even there. It's really sad. Instead of doing this, work on making real life friends. Than when something sucky happens you can call one of them for real to have a authentic bitch about life fest.

HollyJRockNRoll 2 years 18 weeks

juicebox07 2 years 18 weeks

This is just odd. I agree with Rory1225. It's passive aggressive (and immature), which isn't a good way to handle things. Also, if you're saying something about the person while they're right there, it's very rude. I would be seriously pissed if someone did that to me (real phone conversation or pretend). The person would be more understanding if you just talked directly to them about it.

RoaringSilence 2 years 18 weeks

I'm pretty sure the people around you have caught on to that. They're probably just too polite to point it out. If I noticed someone doing that, I'd definitely feel weird around them. Maybe you ought to tell yourself that they'd feel much more comfortable if you stopped this, and would probably open up more to you. Or you could get into the habit of writing text messages, Facebook messages or even letters when you have something important to say to someone. I understand that you may be more comfortable expressing your feelings when you're not in a face to face conversation, and that's alright. Just find another way of doing it, and stick to that. I'm sure you can do it, good luck with it!

RoaringSilence 2 years 18 weeks

postmodernsleaze 2 years 18 weeks

Hmm, interesting way of venting. I've never heard of this before. Maybe you should try carrying around a journal and you can write these thoughts down instead. Or talking to a close friend. Everyone needs an outlet, I'm just not sure fake telephone conversations are the best method. I bet if you talked to a real person (friend, family member, significant other, etc.) in a real conversation (preferably face-to-face) about your feelings you wouldn't feel the need to talk to a telephone when there is no one on the other end of it. Human interaction can be quite fulfilling when you need it.

postmodernsleaze 2 years 18 weeks

Hmm, interesting way of venting. I've never heard of this before. Maybe you should try carrying around a journal and you can write these thoughts down instead. Or talking to a close friend. Everyone needs an outlet, I'm just not sure fake telephone conversations are the best method.I bet if you talked to a real person (friend, family member, significant other, etc.) in a real conversation (preferably face-to-face) about your feelings you wouldn't feel the need to talk to a telephone when there is no one on the other end of it. Human interaction can be quite fulfilling when you need it.

jazzytummy 2 years 18 weeks

You sound really lonely. You need to work on your interpersonal skills and stop hiding behind technology. Try to put your phone away every day for a certain amount of time, if you don't need it for work. Start with 10 minutes and work your way up to longer. Use that time to interact with people face to face, and by that I don't mean by computer or Facebook. You also need to learn to confront people with conflict and handle unpleasantries face to face. If you can't stop, I think you need to get professional help. Seriously.

jazzytummy 2 years 18 weeks

You sound really lonely. You need to work on your interpersonal skills and stop hiding behind technology. Try to put your phone away every day for a certain amount of time, if you don't need it for work. Start with 10 minutes and work your way up to longer. Use that time to interact with people face to face, and by that I don't mean by computer or Facebook. You also need to learn to confront people with conflict and handle unpleasantries face to face.If you can't stop, I think you need to get professional help. Seriously.

Belle-de-Nuit 2 years 18 weeks

Just imagine how mortified you'd be if someone ever called you out on this behavior. To the outside world it's not just passive aggressive, it's psychotic. Either keep your thoughts to yourself, or be adult enough to voice them to the parties concerned.

Helen Danger 2 years 19 weeks

Pretending to talk on the phone? I haven't done that since I was five. "Ring ring ring!! Cookie monster? Hi! I want more cookies PLEASE! Good bye!!" But hey, if it works for you there on the planet Zircon, carry on.

Rory1225 2 years 19 weeks

I was reading it as she is pretending to talk on the phone about them while they were there, like saying "Oh X is annoying me right now because she won't go out with me" or something. If so, that is majorly f'd up and insanely passive aggressive...

missmaryb 2 years 19 weeks

If I understand this correctly, if you need to tell someone something negative or have negative thoughts about someone, you pretend you're telling them on the phone instead of really doing it in person? Then I assume you're not following up with a real conversation with that person. I've never heard of such a thing, but I think if it's really bothering you you should stop cold turkey. Stay away from the phone. If it's important enough for you to address it in person, work on doing that instead of talking to dead air. If you don't want to really say it to a person, have the conversation in your head. I have fantasy conversations all the time, either to practice for a real one or to vent about something which I have no intention of making an issue of in "real life."

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