President Obama to Send Personned Mission to Mars


Due to the recent positive identification of Martian water and the discovery of a labyrinth of subsurface tunnels, President Obama has announced support of a personned mission to the Red Planet. Stating that these tunnel cities could only be the work of hyper-intelligent creatures, Obama plans to dedicate $55 billion toward astronaut training with the goal of a flight and landing before the end of his second term.

Defending the expenditure as "a stimulus that will provide jobs in the aeronautics and astrophysics sector," Obama feels it will give a boost to the overall economy, recalling such 20th century innovations as Tang powder breakfast drinks.

The president also promised to share in the grueling, daily, five-hour physical workout routines of the astronaut candidates in place of his basketball workouts, for which he has been criticized (unfairly, in his opinion) for showing presidential preference to that sport.

To see video of the president discussing the plan at the G20 conference, read more.

APRIL FOOLS!!!!!! We won't be landing a man or woman on Mars anytime soon!

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