That's certainly the opposite of what I've always been told by people who have been married (wait!!!) but I liked the comment about marriage being a formative institution- being older doesn't necessarily make for a smoother transition if one or both parties aren't in the right place emotionally, financially etc... Like the 35-year old man-child who proposes because he figures he should settle down vs. a 22-year old who devotes himself to making his relationship with the love of his life work.

I think it makes sense that two 35 year olds who are used to living alone would have a harder time adjusting to living together then two 22 year olds just out of college.

hmmmmmmm, i guess when it's right it's right . . .i think too young would be worse than being older . . .I'm 26.5yrs old and just got married last week, I think it was the perfect time for us (he's 6wks shy of 27) . . .as we see it we have 3/4yrs being just us before we would want kids but we've had our early 20's to have fun and finish our degrees and get good jobs and become stable individually as well as as a couple.

I tend to agree with the author in that I do think younger marriage is a little better - at least for me personally. I think education is important, don't get me wrong - I'm the first person in my family to go to college and you better believe I'm finishing it! Same goes for my boyfriend. However, I'd much rather get married right out of college. I know everyone says that you need to "experience life" first .. but honestly, I know I love my boyfriend, I know he'll be the one I marry. We've been together quite a while, and by graduation will be together going on four years. Wouldn't be so much nicer to have someone standing by your side for those life experiences?

I'm getting married in October, and will be 28. My fiance will be 31. However, we will have been dating for 8 years and living together for 5 at that point. We're getting married because we are both ready to become parents, and plan to start trying on our wedding night. In a way, I feel like we've had the best of both worlds.

I don't think there's a standard perfect age, just a "right time" that varies by individual. I was married at 25 when I got married in March of 2008 and my husband turned 28 the week before the wedding. I know some people with very successful marriages who married much younger and some who married much older.

Some should get married young and some should not. Some should not marry at all. Isn't it nice to have a mixture in society and not have cookie cutter coupling? I got married much later (after 35) and I'm so glad I waited. If I had gotten married at the first proposal, I'm sure I'd be divorced now. It's such an individual choice. My niece got married very young and it was a good decision.

maybe financially it makes sense to get married early so you can start growing your assets together (i have to say i want to buy my first house with my boyfriend cuz we'll get such a better property than either of us buying alone! (and cuz i love him and want to live with him but we're talking financials here!))

anyway but in terms of being happy, living your life to the fullest, and having a successful marriage, it depends on your maturity and experiences and career, i think...every situation is different....for me, i'd say 27 would be a good time!

I agree that it depends on the couple, and I think that how long you have been together probably matters more than how old you are. For me, I have always thought I wanted to start having kids around 30, and be married a couple of years before that, so 27-28 would be good. But of course I'm not going to force it if it's not right for me when I get there!

First, let me say that I just turned 30 and am getting married in a few months. While I have nothing against young people getting married, (I agree that it depends on the couple) I did have a few gripes with the article. The author seems makes the assumption, in the beginning of the article, that people who are in their late 20s and unmarried are that way because the want to be. He didn’t seem to factor in the fact that some people marry late because they didn’t find the right person until later in life…

Also, the author seems to think the problem lies with families advising their children to complete their education before considering marriage. What is the harm in waiting until you finish college to get married? (The author himself stated that he didn’t marry until he had already finished his degree). Waiting to get married doesn’t mean that you love your partner any less? I personally knew a woman, of my grandmothers generation, who married young and never got an education. When she divorced her abusive husband, she had no way of supporting herself or her children. She worked until the day she died from cancer at 85. Is it any wonder that our mothers and grandmothers would push us to get an education and be able to support ourselves without depending on a husband? (And whatever happened to being able to get married AND get an education???)

And while I agree with the thought that “Marriage actually works best as a formative institution, not an institution you enter once you think you're fully formed,” its context in this article makes the assumption that you are “fully formed” once you hit your late 20s. Why can’t a marriage in your 30s be a formative institution? The author would have you think it is because you already know who you are. Heaven forbid you have a little life experience and actually know what you want before you enter into a marriage.

I got married in July of last year at 24, and my fiancee was 26, almost 27. I think that was a good age for both of us. I was out of college and got settled with my life, and he was out of college and boot camp (he was in the Air Force Reserves) and had a job, etc.

I think it's best to wait until at least 25. The stats for staying together increase dramatically. That said, my husband and I got married at 23 and 24. We'd been together 5 years, and 2 years after our marriage, we're still doing well. Hopefully that stays the case!

Some people would benefit from getting married younger, some would benefit from getting married when they're older, and some people benefit from not being married at all.
I don't like how the author assumes that marriage is something everyone is going to do. Marriage isn't just something that you "do". It's a commitment you make to the person you love when and if the time is right.

I think late 20s to early 30s is a good time. Chances are by that time both people will have had majoe serious relationships and heartbreak (known as "starter marriages" if they had gotten married younger) and so are ready for the real thing - plus they have job experience, degrees, etc.

A "perfect" time to get married is whenever the individuals are ready, really. But if I had a choice, I'd rather marry younger than older, particularly if you want to have kids [I'm still kind of ambivalent about that, but I don't want to have to wait so long to find somebody and not be able to safely have any].

The peak fertility age is 27 for women [last I heard], and it drops off a lot after that, so I'd think any age around there would be better than others. But you want to go into a marriage with assets to be able to *support* a family.

However, most of the people I know from college are getting married/on their way to marriage...and we're in our early 20's [21 - 23]. I don't know, I guess it works for them...

I'd say mid to late 20's. But only if you have met the right person. Sometimes women just want to get married to quick! 22 is too young. I am so glad I didn't get married to the guy that I had been dating then.

IME, women who want to wait until they are older to get married, tend to look down at women who want to get married at a young age.

BUT, also IME women who wait until they are older, have to suffer the rest of society constantly asking "Why aren't you married yet?"

If you disagree, that's great! I think it sucks either way, and there is no "ideal" age for everyone. Softcore op ed essays like this sensationalize people's insecurities and try to bring a ham fisted Occam's Razor approach to answering societal complexities.

my parents were young (my mom was 21 and still had a semester of college left-which she finished!, and my dad was 22) when they got married. They've been married for almost 33 years now, and when I think that they've been together more time than they have been apart, it really freaks me out a bit. Either way, I agree with most people here- it completely depends on the couple and their circumstances.

I was 20 1/2, he was a week shy of 22.

I think what the article misses in a BIG way (and what lots of posters seem to overlook) is that the person you happen to be with at age 20, 22, 24 may not be the right person to make a lifetime commitment to!! I personally would never have wanted to bring children into the horrible marriage that I would have had with my college boyfriend. Same goes for my last boyfriend of three years.

I am happy I waited to find the perfect match, otherwise my life and my children's life would have been a living hell. The goal is to have a good life, not to get hitched and reproduce as fast and as much as you can.

I got married when I was 21. I think that for me this worked out. My husband and I saved each other and we have all of the same values and desires for the future and we really strive to be the best version of ourselves for each other. I don't think that it would have worked if we weren't so in love and I don't think it would work for most people. You have to make sure you and your partner are going after your own dreams and talking out everything before it happens so you know what to expect. Communication is the key.

My BF and I have the intention to stay together forever and marry one day. However, we called off an engagement because the timing felt off -- we did not want to get married in the near future, and decided when the time comes, we will "do it over". The big issue with us is that my boyfriend is almost 2 years younger than I am. I want him to feel ready, but I also want to do it when it's ideal on my part. I'd like to get married early, so we can think about children or not, and then take the necessary actions. However, we both decided if we do get married, we will get married from November-Early February, so we are closer in age -- say he will turn 25 in November, and in mid-Feb I will turn 27, so it's ideal that if he is 25, I am 26.

My BF's near future is tomorrow. My near future is 5 years. So when he is ready to be married, I will for sure know about it. I would love to marry him, but I am truly not ready for that step just yet.

What is ideal is when he is completely comfortable. I feel like I am older, and could possibly be more comfortable with the idea than he is, so it's really up to him. I am sure that 2 years from now I will be more than ready, and if he is not, that is fine, I will wait, and I am in no hurry.

----

As for getting married young vs getting married older. My parents got married when my mom was 25 and my dad was 28. They divorced after 20 years. A friend of the family married her husband when they were both 33 and got divorced just recently. I also know of people who married at 18, after knowing each other for two days and were married until the husband died at 92 years old. It depends on the couple.

Well according to this article I had better hurry up and find a husband! I'm 22 and just finished college...uh-oh, the clock is ticking!

Really? This is ridiculous. First off, each couple is different. If a couple is ready to get married when they're my age, that's great. I'm not and not because I'm not mature enough or I'm not ready to commit to someone...but I haven't found someone worth committing to! I think that's the main thing. Perhaps people are waiting longer to get married because they haven't found someone worth marrying. I say it's better to wait for the right person than to rush into the wrong marriage too early. My mom always tells me the story of two of her friends who got married when they were college freshmen...they ended up divorced when they were seniors because in those four years their lives took them in different directions and they just couldn't make it work. I disagree that by the time you're in your twenties you're fully formed, but I have stronger objections to the idea that two people who aren't stable and are uncertain about their futures should hurry up and get hitched!

I think the success of a marriage depends on things other than age. First, is it the "right" person, second, are you ready for marriage and committment, third, are you on the same page as far as goals for the future...the list goes on and on. As for the idea of it being a "formative institution", that's absolutely correct, but at any and every age. People are constantly growing and evolving. My dad likes to say that the day he stops learning is the day he dies. Being in a relationship takes constant effort and communication and love and commitment and respect and... It's not as simple as a number.

Marriage is an individual decision. There is no universal right time, and I think this author is ridiculous to suggest otherwise. I got married when I was 27 and my husband was 28 and that was the right time for us. I wasn't ready to settle down before then. I had fun and enjoyed my early 20's and I have no regrets about that at all. Neither does he. In fact, our relationship is probably more stable because we were actually ready to settle down when we got married than it would be if we had rushed into marriage in order to meet some arbitrary societal timeline. I have friends who married young and got divorced young. I have other friends who got married young and are still in love. The same can be said of my friends who got married older. It's all about what works for the two people involved and no one can judge what is right for someone else.

I agree -- it depends on the person. I've seen successful marriages among those who married young AND older. So to me, it's not about the age of the people. It's something else.

I'd like to get married before 30, but the idea that I'll lose my market value after a certain age is one of the oldest stereotypes in the book - one that women should flat out rail against and not buy into, otherwise we'll have articles encouraging women to hurry up and find a mate in 2050. Ugh.

I feel that marriage much older allows both people to have built a foundation on your own. With that said, when you do get married, you can pool your resources together and help your marriage through its rough times. I think when you get married younger...you're just more invested in it and that also means that you're more likely going to stay in it because you don't want to cut your losses. // But anyways, it really does depend on the couple...some people just know...

The best time to get ready is when both folks are ready, it's dumb to think that because one is a certain age they better get desperate and find the first single guy smoking just so they can get married.

When you and your partner are ready-putting an "age" on when to get married is a bit pretentious. I think everyone has a time frame they would "like to" but that's more of a personal decision than a "good" time in general.

Well, I actually think that when you get married when you are older that you have a higher divorce rate. I think I read that somewhere a few years back. Also sociologists have studied and said that couples that live together before married actually have a higher divorce rate as well. I think a relationship is best when people make their OWN decisions going into and they are not pressured by what family, friends, or society thinks is right. I got married at 20. And we have been married for 9 years. Still going strong. We have a commitment to each other that even when things get hard that we are in this for the long haul. People who go into a marriage with a non-chalant attitude about it they are destined to fail. The average length of a marriage is only 9 years. So we are beating those odds and got married at a young age. I can only speak from my own experience though. My mom was 18 when she got married. Its been 35 years now. everyone who I know that got married in their 30's has been divorced. I don't really think it is the age, rather then the mentality going into it. I have LOVED growing up with my husband. i went through college while married to him, and he went through the navy. We have a great life and 2 great kids. I wouldn't change it for the world. My reasoning behind getting married young, was that I knew he was the one, Why wait?

Also I would like to address to those who spoke about "thanks god I didn't marry the guy I was dating when I was 20" The way I went into things was with this perspective. I would go on a date with a guy. If he seemed like I could spend the rest of my life with him, then I would give him a second date (if he asked of course) And if he didn't, I kept looking. It isn't like I was expecting to get married at 20. I didn't want to spend years of my life with someone I knew I would never marry. What's the point in that. and so if people choose their partners more carefully, even from an early age. And we foster that youths need to have high standards when dating, I think it will be better for everyone. i can honestly say that anyone I had more than 3 dates with, was the marrying type. Although not my soul mate, but would have made a fine husband some day. Hope that makes sense.

I got married at 23, my husband was 27. We had been together for four years at the time and we've been married for just over three years now. I think it was certainly the right time for us. I think the author is certainly right in one respect. You should not try to wait until you are "fully matured" or something to get married. The fact is that people do change and evolve throughout their lives. I think it is more important to experience different things and life changes with your partner before marriage so that you know your relationship has what it takes to stay strong through the many changes ahead (job loss, KIDS!!!, moves, illness). That being said, people have different experiences and some start dating later than others so I think it should be all about the couple and when they feel the time is right.

My mom got married when she was 20 and my dad was 23, and they've been going strong for 26 years now. My grandparents on my dad's side got married at 20 and 21 (grandpa and grandma) and have been married for 61 years now. My other grandparents got married when my nana was 21 and my grandpa was 22 for the sole reason that she was pregnant with my mom, and that marriage ended 15 years later; they have now been with their 2nd spouses for over 25 years each.

So, for me, age has much less to do with marriage than why you are doing it in the first place. Are you doing it because you actually want to build a life together, or because you feel it's "the right thing to do" according to society? Also, when I say BUILD, I mean it; I see a marriage as a constant work in progress. For instance, when you look at the blueprint for your dream house, you can envision how great it will be, but it takes a lot of hard labor, through rain, pounding sun and (often times) unforseen obstacles, to get that house completed and standing on its own. Even then, the building has to be maintained, and that is work as well. So, In my opinion, anyone who goes into a marriage thinking "now things will be perfect" or that they don't have to work at it is asking for disaster. The right time is simply when the individuals involved truly understand what they're getting into and are absolutely willing to stick with it, rain or shine.

I'm planning to get married in the fall or winter. I'm 18 and my boyfriend is 22. I think it all depends on the people.

i'm 26 and have ZERO plans on getting married any time soon. i have no idea what i'm doing with my life career-wise, and i don't want a man holding me down

i also have yet to meet mr. right, so that makes that decision final (for a while at least)

oh, and i'm 26 and have more than a few friends who have already been divorced, i'd rather never get married at all than marry the wrong guy.

My husband and I were both 24 when we got married, we had been dating for 8 years. So, we were young but at the same time we had been ready in our relationship to get married for awhile. We waited until we were both out of undergrad and settled in grad school. It was a good time for us but then we had people asking why we weren't waiting longer and others asking us what took us so long!

I think it depends so heavily on what the couple has going on in their lives and the specifics of their relationship. I can't really see a "perfect age," it just wouldn't apply to everyone!

Hainan - Someone can be the "marrying type" and still be completely wrong for you - I only have ever dated with marriage in mind so I don't get this criticism.

The 'perfect time' isn't an exact age, it's whenever you meet your other half and are in a place to get married. For me, this happened at 19. My best friend on the other hand, is almost 28 and hasn't come close. No big deal for either of us. We're both successful college graduates who love our lives.

My parents got married at 20 & 23 as well, and after 34 years of marriage got divorced.
For me, it wasn't about getting married quickly, it was about finding the perfect person for me.
Someone who loved me regardless of anything, loved me for who I was. Someone who would appreciate all that I would do for them, and would reciprocate. Someone willing to share household duties, and someone who would make a great father to my future children.
All of this was much more imporatant to me than getting married at the "ideal age".
We are getting married next summer. I'll be 31 & he will be 28.

^ Agreed.
My parents married at 30 (my mom) and 35 (my dad) and they have been together for 20 years. They are both people who continued to develop when they married, rather than enter fully developed as you might presume from their ages. They really grew together and made each other better people. They continue to do that and they are my example of a well funtioning relationship. It's all a matter of two individuals who are ready to commit, compromise and work together to stay happy... Age is only a factor when you let it become one in your mind.

I feel like for me, 24 or 25 is a good age. I am 22 now, and my boyfriend is 25 (so he will be 27 or 28). We started dating when I was 19 and I always wanted to be with the person I marry for at least 5 years before getting engaged.

I don't understand what the big rush to getting married is about...it's supposed to be a life-long commitment, why rush it? Plus, when I think about the guy I was dating when I was 20 and thought about marrying...well, hah, thank goodness. At the rate I'm going now, I'll be at LEAST 30 before I get married, and that's just fine with me. I've had some wonderful experiences on my own, such as working and living in London for 6 months, which I know I wouldn't have done if I had been in a relationship at the time. But, to each her own, I suppose.

I'm 25 and I've been dating my boyfriend for 5 years. I am JUST getting to the point where I can think about marriage without having a panic attack. It has nothing to do with my partner and everything to do with me. If I had gotten married right out of college it would most likely end in divorce. (obviously I have no way of knowing) but now that I'm mentally ready my bf and I are both going back to school full time, so it will probably be a few more years and I think that is just fine.

I would argue that my market value is MUCH higher now than it was when I was in my early 20s! Believe it. I know there are plenty of women out there who feel the same way. Maybe my skin isn't as tight, but my mind is better equipped... I would tend to think that would be a bigger influence on a successful relationship/marriage.

I don't think there is a right age, but for me it would never be as young as the article sugests. There's so much experimenting to do in your early twenties (and I'm not even talking about experimenting in the dating world) that I could never be married at that time. And to be perfectly honest, most people I know married that young because they thought it was the most logical step. Kind of "what's left now?", and I think that's the most unromantic thing ever. I want to marry the right person, not the person that I happened to be dating at the time.

My two cents-- I live in Salt Lake City, UT where the average age for marriage is probably much lower than the national average. Many of my friends were married by 19 or 20. I'm nearly to my 23rd birthday, and sometimes feel as if I'll never get married because I'm too old! It's very much a culture thing here. My problem with people getting married so young is that they often do not put a lot of time in the relationship. Getting engaged after being together only 3 to 6 months does not necessarily make a healthy relationship. It's an individual process of course, but I'm all about having a long dating relationship before starting the marriage up.

I don't think there is a "correct" age - but I take offense to the idea of young people and their partying/casual dating ways. This is a generalization, I hope. I'm 27 and unmarried, I had hoped to be married younger (23-25) and planning for a first child around 28. That "plan" would have hopefully allowed my husband and I to live frugally and save before entering into parenthood - and also enjoy time together as a married couple before having children. Unfortunately, plans, hope and dreams don't always work out.
Now, at 27, I worry that there will not be that time available for me when I do get married. Instead, there will be a rush to move on to children instead of savoring and enjoying the early part of a marriage. The things he talked about in the article - growing together, learning how to live as an adult and being able to reminisce about those early years in a tiny apartment with hand-me-down furniture - some people do want that. But, it doesn't always work out.

I got married a few months shy of 22 to a guy a few months shy of 25--he was the first person I'd been with and I'd never lived alone (I got married right out of college and we'd been together for a year beforehand). And if I had it to do over again I would have waited, because I found out the hard way that what I'd thought was enough to base a long-term relationship on at 21 turned out not to be the case. Our marriage certainly did work as a formative institution--too bad the people we became were much better suited to other people than each other. I've met the man I want to marry and be with forever and start a family with at the age of nearly 30 (and it's going to be a while still before we do anything permanent), and I wouldn't have it any other way. I think it's better to be sure you're making that commitment for the right reasons and that you've got something underneath you ahead of time. I didn't, and we both paid the price for that. If you're running away from something instead of toward someone, as I was when I was 20 and 21, it's not a good basis for anything.