Opening the Ex Files: Good or Bad Idea?

May 7, 2009

A reader recently asked a gay man if it was a good idea to go back to an ex for comfort because dating sucked. His advice, naturally, was to remember that she left him for a reason, not to go back, and perhaps hold off on dating altogether until she was happy again alone. But I wonder — whether for the sex or for companionship — is it ever a good idea to open the ex files?

Photo courtesy of Warner Bros.

16 Comments

sugajen 4 years 5 days

Looks like its not always such a bad idea from reading all your comments. I've always heard it was a bad idea but people grow, change, mature, and become different people so i guess sometimes it works.

4 years 1 week

Annoymous I was just wondering how long ago it was last you broke up in highschool? Does he come back from college soon or is it grad school etc?

SouthernBelle82 4 years 1 week

I'm sure it's weird in different ways. Sometimes people date when they're younger and break up and maybe after they mature and are young adults and had some life experience you can try a relationship again. I think it depends on why you broke up in the first place really.

4 years 1 week

I wouldn't for sex or comfort. But, I could imagine going back to my first love in a heartbeat. The reason we broke up was because we were in two different places, literally and figuratively, and at the time it just wasn't right. Not to mention we were teenagers which plays a defining role as most HS relationships don't work out. I have had boyfriends since, but none match up to what I had with him, and I wouldn't go back to them. We did end up getting back together, since we kept in touch, but then he left for college and it was better that we split at that time. Does it completely rule out being together in the future? No, not if you are right for each other. I do think that there are reasons why people break up, but it's not always because you don't fit or aren't right for each other. The timing could just be off. Some people do break up and get back together again sooner or later. Sometimes they break up with the person and realize it was a mistake. It's not always for a definite reason. And it's not always permanent.

Fushaa 4 years 1 week

I think it all depends on the situation. Don't go back to your ex just for comfort and familiarity. If one of you decide to move on, somebody will get hurt. Instead, let the reason be that you guys see how good you really are together (like bgorgeous said).

RockAndRepublic 4 years 1 week

Thanks for the pun!

RockAndRepublic 4 years 1 week

Thanks for the pun!

Hiding55 4 years 1 week

I don't think the ex-files are a good thing to open. Two of my exes are a-holes that I wouldn't even acknowledge if I saw them in public. I would rather spend eternity alone then seek comfort in either of them. One ex was barely a relationship since we barely left the friend zone even though we slept together and didn't speak for about 8 months. I guess we needed time to get over that part. Anyway, I would seek him out for comfort or advice if I was desperate but not for sex.

saucymegstar 4 years 1 week

Ha- bgorgeouss-- I did the same thing! My beau and I have had what I deem an epic romance. We first started dating over 2 years ago but have had many phases to our relationship. After a 10-month hiatus (which was difficult b/c we had many mutual friends but had minimal contact at least for the first 4 months) we re-kindled our relationship and are on firm footing discussing "our" future and "our" plans. It's a complete turn around! So I can't say completely let an ex be an ex...but don't go running back just for consolation or as a rebound. That is a bad idea.

saucymegstar 4 years 1 week

margokhal 4 years 1 week

NO. You broke up for a reason - you're not supposed to be together, or else it would have worked/would have been something that you both were able to work through. Get on with your life!

bgorgeouss 4 years 1 week

Actually, I voted 'bad idea', but now come to think of it, that was kinda hypocritical of me! :O My current boyfriend and I actually broke up 2 months after we started dating. We were broken up for 3 months, during which we still saw each other since we had many mutual friends. We just slowly realized that we were indeed perfect together, had so much fun together, and so why not go back? In this case, I'm so glad that I opened the 'ex files', as 4 and a half years later, we are still together and planning a wedding! :)

aimeeb 4 years 1 week

Move on!

aimeeb 4 years 1 week

Move on!

mamasitamalita 4 years 1 week

oh god don't do it.

mamasitamalita 4 years 1 week

oh god don't do it.

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16 Comments

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