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Is an Open Relationship a Good Idea?

"Will Having an Open Marriage Backfire on Me?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My husband has a friend "John Doe," who hasn't had sex in many years. He is handsome — I think he looks kind of like a young Tom Hanks — and super sweet. He likes seeing romantic movies and miniseries and sometimes watches them with me. He is the most intelligent person I know and has an IQ of something like 180. His problem is that he was abused as a child and has depression. He was 9 the first time he attempted suicide and eventually turned to burning — he calls it "branding" — himself as a coping mechanism to avoid suicide. He doesn't do this stuff anymore, but he still has issues with depression. My husband has asked me if I would be willing to open our marriage to this friend of his. I am so conflicted about this. Here are my pros and cons.

Pros

  • "John" is the nicest man I know, and I would love to be with him. If my husband ever dies or leaves me, I would marry him.
  • I really think that I can help him with his problems with intimacy and women.
  • My husband has talked about doing this for a long time and insists he is OK with the idea of me making love to his friend. He even says that if John and I fall in love he will be OK with it as long as I don't leave him or fall out of love with him — which would never happen.
  • The idea of being with two men at the same time who both love me and accept each other is awesome.
  • We don't have children, and even though it would tear me to pieces to lose my marriage if things go terribly wrong, everyone that would be involved is a consenting adult.

Cons

  • I am really worried that John will be upset with my husband and I if we offer him this — he refuses to even go to strip clubs. I worry about ruining our friendship with him. I know he likes me a lot, but he still might refuse.
  • It seems impossible that my husband won't eventually get jealous even if he promises he won't.
  • Will I be jealous if John eventually gets another girlfriend? I don't think so, but I might change my mind if I fall in love with him.

I need some advice. What do you think?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously on Group Therapy for advice!

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