I'm in love with a wonderful man, but we've got a pretty big problem in the bedroom. Well, he probably doesn't think that it's a problem but I do. He really loves it (I mean really loves it) when he is the recipient of oral sex. He asks for it every time we fool around and usually I comply. I don't mind doing it and I love to make him happy.
The problem is that he never returns the favor. Even if I ask him to, he just kind of avoids it. Don't you think that's strange? Do you think that I have a reason to be upset about this or are most guys not into doing it? Should I just let it go or should I push the issue? I'm a little afraid of turning this into too big of an issue and turning him off. What do you think? Unsatisfied Sophie.
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Dear Unsatisfied Sophie
Yes, you should talk to him about this. There is no way that this can be good for your sex life and for the overall well being of your relationship. Reciprocity is a must and that certainly isn't happening here. Hasn't he ever heard of quid pro quo?
It's upsetting that he loves oral sex so much, yet he doesn't want you to feel the same kind of pleasure that he's feeling. When you are in love, you should feel inspired to make your partner's life as wonderful as possible. He's holding out on you, and you've got the right to understand why.
Start by asking him what the problem is. Maybe he's skeeved out about hygiene? Maybe he's insecure that he's not doing it right or maybe he's just got a ridiculous sense of male entitlement. If he's being roundabout in his answers then take action. Try taking a shower before you go to bed one night and see if that helps at all. If not, try dirty talking to him about how much you love the way he touches you to help boost his confidence.
I hope these suggestions help you to have a more satisfying and mutual sex life. If they don't, then ask him if he'd be open to couples sex therapy. It's really not normal and it's definitely not fair to endure being ignored in bed.