Is it Okay NOT to Tell my Mom Where I Live?
Dear Sugar--
Currently, my mom lives out of state but as of next month - she's moving where I live. She is one of those crazy, emotionally and physically abusive types of people - the type of mom who cleaned out my bank account a few years ago (she said I passed away)! The type of Mom who would smack you around if you didn't clean the right way. I've learned that I can't change her and keep contact just by mail or email. Life is good and peaceful.
So, I just bought a condo. I don't want her to know my exact address (since she was the type of mom who also sold all my personal belongings at one point). Is it okay not to tell my mom where I live or work, etc and to keep my life 100% separate from her?
-- Finally Happy Haley
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Dear Finally Happy Haley--
Yes, it is more than okay NOT to tell your mom where you live or work - it is NECESSARY! It sounds like you've had a pretty rough history with her not treating you well, so since you are on your own, you need to think about your safety and well-being. Unfortunately your mom hasn't given you any reason to believe that you can trust her, so until she does, she doesn't deserve to know anything you don't want to share.
Is she moving to be closer to you? If so, she's bound to ask you where you live. I would just be honest with her, and say that you are happy and independent, and because of her past behavior, you don't feel like it's a good idea for her to know anything about your life right now. Would she agree to talk to a therapist? A professional may be able to get to the bottom of why she does the things she does, which can in turn help her work on building a positive relationship with you if you are interested in developing a relationship with her in the future. I wish you luck Haley.
