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My Roommate Left me in the Lurch

Dear Sugar--
Things between my roommate and I have been pretty tense lately since she backed out on our future living situation. We were hunting for apartments for a month and then out of left field, she shocked me by saying she is planning on moving back home. This really angered me because now I am stuck looking for a 1 bedroom while I could have signed a lease months ago with another friend had I not been on a wild goose chase with my current roommate.

Yesterday, I accidentally logged on to her facebook account (her comp saves passwords) and then I'll admit it, I read one of her messages. It turns out that she is not moving home, but looking for an apartment with a coworker. I am furious now because we are supposed to be best friends and lately all she has been doing is lying to me. I haven't told her what I know and how I know and my anger is just getting worse by the second. The problem is how can you confront someone when you weren't supposed to read the message in the first place? --Snooping Sophie


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Dear Snooping Sophie--
I am sorry your roommate left you in the lurch and I can completely understand your frustration with her. While you did invade your roommate's privacy, if you want to confront her you're going to have to come clean about your snooping. Your anger is bound to affect your friendship so the sooner you get everything off your chest the better, although be prepared to suffer the consequences of your actions.

Living with friends can get hairy sometimes, especially when one person wants to move on, so I suggest sitting her down and having a heart to heart. Honesty is the best policy, so hash everything out before your friendship becomes affected. While you are jumping to conclusions and taking her decision to live with another friend personally, you don't know the facts. Is your roommate having monetary problems? Could this new living situation be much cheaper than what she pays now? Is it closer to her work place, etc.?

It sounds as though your roommate was uncomfortable telling you the truth because she was afraid of hurting your feelings, so instead she went behind your back which is in turn making matters worse. Be the bigger person; let her know you are aware of what's going on and that you would have appreciated her honesty. Hopefully once all the facts are on the table, you can enjoy the remaining time together as roommates and get excited for your new relationships as friends versus roommates in the future. You never know, living apart could turn out to be a great new chapter in your life.

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