My Mother Hates My Fiancé

Dear Sugar
A few weeks ago my boyfriend and I got engaged. I am thrilled and excited to spend the rest of my life with him. He is everything I have ever wanted in a man; he's trustworthy, honest, loving, affectionate, smart and funny. There is only one problem, he and my mother don't like each other.

My mom has always wanted me to be with someone much more successful. My fiancé has a steady job that he loves, but unfortunately it doesn't pay very well. He always has enough money to pay his bills and get by but my mother doesn't feel that is enough for the both of us and that's enough for me. Truthfully speaking, his income does not bother me at all.

However, the problem between he and my mother doesn't stop there. In addition to his job, my fiancé is very shy and my mom is very outgoing. Unfortunately, he feels really overwhelmed by her and they have clashing personalities.

Whenever we all get together, her disapproval is very obvious and quite upsetting for me and my fiancé. I have tried talking to my mom and letting her know how I feel, but nothing seems to be working. She promised that she would try to make more of an effort to include him in conversations at family functions, but she has not lived up to her promise.

I am going to spend the rest of my life with this man no matter what my mom does or says, and I want our life together to be pleasant. If my mom would just open her heart to my future husband, I think that we'd all be much happier. What can I do to make this situation less painful for all of us? Stuck in the Middle Michelle

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Dear Stuck in the Middle Michelle
What terrible angst you must be feeling about your family drama. Your engagement is supposed to be one of the happiest times in your life. It is really unfortunate however, that I have heard countless stories about it being just the opposite.

Good for you for standing up for yourself and following your heart no matter what your mom says. I am sure that she just doesn't want to ever have to watch you struggle financially, but instead of coming off in a caring way, she is only upsetting the both of you and driving you away by harassing him and making him feel unwelcome.

Have you reminded your mom that she has not lived up to her promise? Try sitting her down one last time and expressing your feeling to her once again. Tell her how upset her behavior is making you and that you wish things could be different. Then say something like this:

"Mom, I know you don't approve of my relationship, and as hard as that is for me to accept, I love him. He is a kind and caring man that fills my life with happiness. He also deeply cares about our family and that should be as important to you as it is to me. I only wish that you would be happy for us too. Your support would make this time in my life so much more meaningful and joyful. I hope you can learn to accept him as part of our family."

As uncomfortable as it might be to spend time together, maybe your mom just needs to get to know your fiancé better to see how well he treats you. Hopefully she'll be able to see that money is not nearly as important as love is to you.