My mom has been dating her boyfriend on and off for over five years. My three younger siblings and I despise him and we can't understand why our mom is still dating this loser. During the holiday's last year, he and my mom got into a terrible fight. He went on a rampage breaking things all over the house, spanking my little sister and pushing my mom.
I heard all the chaos and found him in the kitchen choking my mom. I finally broke up the fight and he left. Needless to say, my entire family was extremely shaken up. We didn't see him again for months but he showed up again a few weeks ago despite my efforts to make my mom leave him.
Dear Sugar, what can I do to make my mother see how terrible this man is and get him out of our lives forever? I am scared for her safety and for the safety of my brothers and sisters. Is there anything I can do? Will she ever listen to me? Terrified Tiffany
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Dear Terrified Tiffany
I am sorry you had to witness what you did and that you feel stuck in the middle of your mother's destructive relationship. Domestic violence affects many families everyday so you are not alone. It sounds as though your mom is afraid as well and as a result, is fearful to leave her boyfriend. This is not uncommon victim behavior.
Do you have any family members you can confide in and call on for help? Perhaps you could gather the people closest to her and stage an intervention. It sounds as though your family is not safe when he is around. Do you have a grandparent or cousin you can stay with?
You have done the right thing by asking your mom to break up with this violent man. Try explaining to her how afraid you are for the health and safety of your family. I am sure that your mom is in an awfully low place right now and feels scared to stay and scared to leave.
If you don't feel comfortable confronting anyone and there are no other family members around, there are many online services, free of charge, that can offer support and advice 24 hours a day, seven days a week. You can try contacting The National Domestic Violence Hotline or The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence for guidance.
Your mom is very lucky to have someone like you to look after your family. Hopefully with time she will feel empowered enough and strong enough to end this abusive relationship. Hang in there and remember there are people out there who can help you. You are not alone.