My Mom's Boyfriend Is Abusive

November 29, 2006

Dear Sugar
My mom has been dating her boyfriend on and off for over five years. My three younger siblings and I despise him and we can't understand why our mom is still dating this loser. During the holiday's last year, he and my mom got into a terrible fight. He went on a rampage breaking things all over the house, spanking my little sister and pushing my mom.

I heard all the chaos and found him in the kitchen choking my mom. I finally broke up the fight and he left. Needless to say, my entire family was extremely shaken up. We didn't see him again for months but he showed up again a few weeks ago despite my efforts to make my mom leave him.

Dear Sugar, what can I do to make my mother see how terrible this man is and get him out of our lives forever? I am scared for her safety and for the safety of my brothers and sisters. Is there anything I can do? Will she ever listen to me? Terrified Tiffany

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Terrified Tiffany
I am sorry you had to witness what you did and that you feel stuck in the middle of your mother's destructive relationship. Domestic violence affects many families everyday so you are not alone. It sounds as though your mom is afraid as well and as a result, is fearful to leave her boyfriend. This is not uncommon victim behavior.

Do you have any family members you can confide in and call on for help? Perhaps you could gather the people closest to her and stage an intervention. It sounds as though your family is not safe when he is around. Do you have a grandparent or cousin you can stay with?

You have done the right thing by asking your mom to break up with this violent man. Try explaining to her how afraid you are for the health and safety of your family. I am sure that your mom is in an awfully low place right now and feels scared to stay and scared to leave.

If you don't feel comfortable confronting anyone and there are no other family members around, there are many online services, free of charge, that can offer support and advice 24 hours a day, seven days a week. You can try contacting The National Domestic Violence Hotline or The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence for guidance.

Your mom is very lucky to have someone like you to look after your family. Hopefully with time she will feel empowered enough and strong enough to end this abusive relationship. Hang in there and remember there are people out there who can help you. You are not alone.

6 Comments

lilxmissxmolly 6 years 25 weeks

A good friend of mine once came to my house sobbing because her mother's boyfriend attempted to rape/molest her. My mom is a lawyer, so I brought her in. The boyfriend is now in jail, and her mother is in therapy. They are both so much happier and have really bonded. Your sister should not be in an environment with this man. Call your mother, explain your feelings, and say that if she doesnt completely end htings with him, you will call child protection services to help your sister. ~* “I think the thing to do is to enjoy the ride while you're on it.” -Johnny Depp *~

t0xxic 6 years 25 weeks

Sadly EP it isnt that easy, the younger siblings will more then likely end up in foster care then with the older sibling even though being with her would be the best fit. BUT I think even foster care as long as they get a good home is better then this situation. Plus the mom can call the eldest a liar and such and if the girls ever had anything that remotely resembles behavior problems at school or home shes made a fool of and the kids are stuck. DEF start calling the police when they fight. Its def best... I cant stay off this thread Im sorry. I just hope things turn out ok for the poster.

ethiopian_princess 6 years 25 weeks

If you're over 18 and can take care of your sister, and your mom refuses to leave him, I say report her to child protective services. I understand that she's probably mentally trapped, but she has no right to put your sister in an abusive environment.

PinkSparkleGrl 6 years 25 weeks

Tif, this happened to me too. My father was very abusive to here and it was difficult to live with because I could not do anything as a child. The person being abused needs to make the decision and usually won't listen to anyone else. Please PLEASE never break up a fight by yourself again!! Lock you and your siblings in a room and call the police ASAP. These are your mothers decisions and her children should not have to suffer. You are very lucky that this man did not beat you after you tried to get in the way. Consult your school psychologist as well as getting the police involved. If this keeps happening, and there are no police records, when your mother decides to get rid of him, she won't be able to get a restraining order with out prior incidents.

cubadog 6 years 25 weeks

I am sorry you have to live through such a nightmare. Follow dear's advice and I would definitely start calling the police anytime there is a fight. It just might make your mom wake up and help realize she needs to get out of the relationship.

t0xxic 6 years 25 weeks

Im very sorry that you are going through this. My mom has done this for 20 years, she has stayed with a verbally mentally physically and sexually abusive spouse who also has a severe drug problem so I can totally empathize with you. Sadly you cant really tell her what to do. Unless theres family there that can help you and ur siblings out of the situation then the only options left for you guys is to seek state help be it with child protective services to get her to wise up or seeking conselling like Dear suggested. Good luck and you can message me whoever you are if you need to talk.

Link Love

6 Comments

You Might Also Like