My Boyfriend Lied to Me

Dear Sugar--


My previous boyfriend and I had been dating for almost 2 years. I took him to a hockey game on Valentine's Day, and he got a call from a random girl. I asked him who it was, and he said it was a girl that his friend introduced him to at the bar. I was fairly hurt that he never mentioned anything about meeting another girl, but then he told me he only had her number because his married friend wanted to keep in touch with her, but didn't want his wife to know. Anyway, he eventually confessed that he had given her his number on his own- but swore that nothing had happened, he
wasn't interested and so on, just that she had asked for it and he didn't want to be mean.

We broke up about a month ago, and recently we hooked back up. Before we hooked up I asked him to tell me if he had been with anyone, and he looked into my eyes and told me he hadn't so much as met a girl. I wanted to be cautious for health reasons.

A few days ago, he confessed to me that he had lied when he told me he hadn't fooled around. And not only had he lied about it, it was the girl he had given his number to when we were together.

I feel betrayed that he told me nothing was going on with her, when there clearly was something because he took action when we broke up. And I also, obviously, feel very very betrayed that he lied to me.

Now he's asking for forgiveness, and I forgave him for my sake. He wants to get back together and is trying everything. He says he'll even move somewhere with me so we can get away from everything and he says he'll change his lifestyle.

What should I do? --Betrayed Beth

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Dear Betrayed Beth--

Once a lying, cheating, sneaking around boyfriend - always one. Once the trust is broken, it is incredibly hard to get it back, especially when more lies seem to be revealed. If he had met that girl way before you two had your break, I'm sorry to say it, but who knows how long he was hooking up with her!? I am not buying his excuse...

He also outright lied to your face, and put your health at risk (hasn't he ever heard of STIs?) It's great that he finally was honest and later told you the truth, but he shouldn't have been with this girl in the first place if he really cared about you and wanted to mend your relationship. If you do decide to reconcile, in the back of your mind, you'll always be wondering if he's telling you the truth, not a good foundation if you ask me.

It sounds like this guy is a bit immature and dishonest, and those are NOT qualities you want or deserve in a boyfriend. His gesture to move away with you makes me think even he doesn't trust himself to stay faithful. My advice? Take a permanent break from this guy. Good luck Beth.

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