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My Boyfriend Keeps Changing His Mind About Marriage

"Will We Ever Be on the Same Page?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My boyfriend and I have been together since April of last year; we were introduced through someone I worked with at the time. When we first starting hanging out, we both said we weren't really looking for anything too serious, but if things became serious that was okay. Long story short, we really hit it off, so we became exclusive. In what felt like a natural manner to me, marriage started getting mentioned in conversations last summer, somewhere around July or August. At one point in August or September, I said something to the effect of, "I can see myself being married to you by this time next year," and he agreed. So, I was very happy, thinking that I was in love, and on the same page as the person I was in love with. I casually started looking around on the Internet at rings, dresses, and places to get married and every now and then we would even talk about each of our preferences. We agreed on a beach wedding, and I found this place we both loved in Florida.

Christmas came around and he wanted to know what I wanted. So, I tell him not to spend a bunch of money on a present, but to instead put it toward an engagement ring, because money is tight for us. He gave me pearl earrings and a dress for Christmas, and I loved both of them. On New Years Eve, us being married by the following summer came up in conversation. Hearing this, NYE, he proceeds to tell me that he didn't mean that, he just agreed with me because he didn't know I was being serious. WTF!?!  I just freeze; I can't think, talk, nothing.

The next day, we talk it over as I am (I think understandably) very hurt. I don't want to rush him into getting married, but I know that I want to be with him for the rest of my life. I am 23 and he is 25, we get along wonderfully and have the same goals. My family adores him, his mom loves me, in short we are perfect together. He says that he thinks it is normal for people to be engaged about a year after they start dating, so I am thinking that everything is fine and our relationship is still on the route for marriage.

A couple of days ago, we had a big discussion about what the next few years will bring for us. I am going to go back to school to become a dental hygienist and he either wants to go back to school or become a contractor. It will take me about three years to get through school, so I said that I would really prefer to be married before I start, as we won't really have time to once I am in school. I make it perfectly clear that I am not trying to force him into a corner, but that this is just how I feel about things. He says he would love to get married to me very soon, and I am over the moon, thinking things are finally okay.

Last night, he tells me that he didn't mean that, either. He explained that he said it because he wants me to go to school now and is trying to trick me into thinking we will be married first...I don't know what to do anymore. We live together, we are in love, we both want to get married. I don't see the hold up! I don't want a big wedding, we wouldn't go broke over it. My dad would of course, chip in, and I know his family would help to. I am just very ready to take this step and he keeps giving me false hope.

What should I do? I don't want to leave him, but I really don't see what good it will do to wait years and years to get married.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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