My Boyfriend's Ex Ruined Our Relationship

"His Ex Ruined Our Relationship"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My BF of two years has always treated me with love and respect. He is so gentle, romantic and loving. He cares about me so much. Before we dated he was with a girl who is extremely rude and annoying. They broke up because she was ruining his life. When we started dating, this girl called me and asked me rudely to back off and leave "her man" alone. I was insulted and angry and asked my BF to break all contacts with this woman. I asked him not only because I didn't like her, but also because he kept telling me how he hated her for ruining everything in his life.

Four months later I found out my BF has been exchanging texts with her. I asked him why and he said she was looking for a cellphone voucher and it was in his position so he answered her. I asked him if he could please stop giving in to her manipulative schemes and he accepted.

Again, two months after that, my phone battery died and I used his phone for calling my dad and the last dialed number was HER number. I flipped out and we had an argument after three days we made up and he said he would NEVER answer her or call her again. He even sent her a text saying "Let's not be in touch anymore." The girl replied with a laughing picture, which was obviously insulting.

Everything since then was good. We were planning to get engaged in a few months. We have planned for so many things, a great future, and I honestly could see him as my mate for the rest of my life. He is so sweet and caring. Until four days ago, when a friend told me she saw my BF and the rude girl together at a cafe!

I asked him, at first he denied it, then he got angry, then he came clear telling me they have been chatting online for a month because she has told him she has cancer. They went out that night to get over all the hatred and dark feelings and let go of the past, so she could go through being sick peacefully! Then the day after they met at that cafe, she came up with her cancer test results, which were, thankfully, negative. After she got her result she called him and asked him to go for a walk, and he accepted!

Keep reading for the rest of the dilemma.

This, their one month connection, their going for a walk, her texting him "where are you" without fearing I'd be around, this is killing me. And he couldn't keep his promise? 

We have been fighting since that night. He cried, told me it didn't mean anything to him, he just felt pity for her, he couldn't even imagine how he dated her before, blah blah blah. I asked him why he didn't tell me. He said because you wouldn't have understood, you would have thought something romantic was involved and I didn't want you to make a fuss about nothing, I didn't want you to worry. Well, I sure don't feel good NOW. He is literally begging me to forgive him, buying flowers, sending emails, calling, crying, telling me he would do whatever it takes to fix this. He tells me he is well aware that he has made a huge mistake and he knows I might not treat him like before ever again but he is willing to endure all the crap and do whatever is necessary to bring me back, he just can't imagine his life without me. And I should add that he has this cocky and arrogant character and his begging is A HUGE deal.

I want you to know that the fact that he was meeting his "supposedly sick friend" does not sadden me. What truly saddens me is that he lied to me. Multiple times. He told me he was going to meet his friends at a gentleman's club — where they usually meet — he knew I would not call him because I rarely call when he goes there. But that night, and the night after that when they went for a walk and he told me he is going to gym, I did call, I actually called three times each night, but HE DID NOT ANSWER. 

What bothers me is his lying, and breaking his promise. I have put only ONE boundary for him: do not contact this girl. And he broke it time after time. He says when they were drinking coffee, he was repelled by the way she talked and acted like a trash, then why go out on a walk with her the next night, when she can drop a text saying her "results" were negative? It is killing me to feel he has a kind of weakness towards this woman and maybe the others too? I have been paranoid, over analyzing all his past behavior with women — he has a womanizer edge to him — and asking myself, is this the man I want to spend the rest of my life with?

Please, please help me. I don't know what I should do, I am completely torn apart between two choices, I cannot judge clearly or even think without breaking into tears.

  1. Leave him, buy myself a heart break, throw all my future plans in the trash, deny him a chance to fix things and punish him by leaving him and making him see what is the consequence of lying?
  2. Spare myself a heart break, give him a chance, go back to my dreamy relationship again and enjoy his love but always doubt if he is lying to me or not.

All kind of comments are welcomed even if you think it was over reacting and drastic to object to him meeting his "sick" friend.

P.S. I absolutely know he is crazy about me and I am the woman of his life, I just always think he likes to play the field and have his cake at home too. And apart from this problem, EVERYTHING between us is perfect, even many people envy us for being so in love.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously in Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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