I've been dating the same person for the better part of five years. We met in college, and I ended up relocating with him to his hometown after he graduated. He moved into his parents house and I got my own apartment. Three years later, I felt our relationship was stagnant and it was time for a change so I moved back to my home town.
Long distance didn't work for us and we broke up about a year ago and cut off all communication. Last summer we ended up seeing each other for the first time since our breakup at a mutual friend's wedding. Our love for each other was still there and we started seeing each other again but just a few times a month.
Unfortunately, that kind of relationship is also very expensive and it is really taking a toll on our pocketbooks. So we've decided that sometime early next year I will move back to his home town so that we can give it another go. My hesitation is still there a little bit though and I am feeling like I need some sort of a commitment from him before I move.
All in all we have been together for five years and this will be the second time I have picked up my life for this man. I don't want to pressure my boyfriend into an engagement, but I don't want to move only to be his "girlfriend" once again. Do you think that I am being irrational? Should I just drop it and hope this time will work? Moving for Him Maria
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Dear Moving For Him
Asking for a commitment from your boyfriend before moving for him is not irrational at all. Every couple is different and if you need a ring on your finger to feel more secure, then by all means let him know how you are feeling. I am sure your concerns will not come as a shock to him.
Have you discussed what this move will mean for your future together? Has the topic of marriage ever been brought up before? Every woman has their own personal threshold and it sounds like you have reached your limit. Have a talk with him before you pack your bags and make sure you are on the same page as these are valid points that need to be addressed.
Even if he isn't ready to propose, he needs to be aware that you are moving with the intention of working towards a more serious future together. If you are ready to take the next step and he isn't ready to make a commitment, you might need to re evaluate this relationship but hopefully taking a chance will be worth the risk in the long run.