I am in the early stages of planning a wedding for next fall. My fiance's parents are divorced and while my parents have pledged to pay for a good portion of the reception, and his father has pledged to pay the rest, his mother remains very unresponsive.
Though her husband makes upwards of $100,000 a year, she has pledged us $500 and acts as if it is a big favor that she is doing this for us. This won't pay for one detail in our wedding. Even though we are planning a modest wedding (approx. $9,000-$10,000 budget), this doesn't amount to even taking care of one item.
I was willing to let it slide, however, today I received an e-mail from her. She had scanned in an advertisement regarding a consignment shop for brides and included in her e-mail three cost-cutting suggestions. I politely responded to her e-mail, telling her that I had already found and purchased my dress on sale and I also noted her other suggestions.
This is the second time I've been given cost-cutting suggestions from her, and they're done in a manner that feels like a slap in the face. We wouldn't have to cut costs if she would ante up. Our planned affair is very cost-savvy and we have planned it to maximize the money we do have.
I need help. I feel caught between a rock and a hard place. I really think that she should be helping out more. Should I say something to her or just grin and bear it? She has the ability to help more and I am feeling very insulted at her cost-saving suggestions when I know she is spending thousands of dollars on her pets and herself a month.
I have been so afraid to even tell my own mom what she is contributing because my parents are struggling financially and have still found ways to contribute meaningfully. Am I making mountains out of molehills? Bride On A Budget
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Dear Bride On A Budget,
It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job of managing expenses for your wedding. It's very easy to get caught up in all of the little extra's that are available, but you sound very mindful of your budget. Really when it's all said and done, a wedding isn't something worth going into debt over.
Your mother in law sounds like she is being frugal. But keep in mind that just because you know how much money her husband makes, doesn't mean that you know in ins and outs of their financial situation. Take the $500 and show your appreciation for it.
As far as dealing with your future Mother in law, for long term sanity's sake, it really is your fiance's responsibility to talk to her. Not only about the wedding finances but also about asking her to stop sending you cost cutting ideas about the wedding that are not helping the situation and only causing you anxiety.
In the meantime continue to be polite to her. She is going to be in your life forever, so try your best to maintain a good relationship with her. Arguing with your future husband's mother is only going to add a massive amount of stress to the wedding and your marriage.