My son, husband and I moved into my Mom's house last September. There
were certain situations going on in New Jersey and we didn't have anywhere
else to go. Ever since we moved into her house, my Mom refuses to get along
with my husband. At whatever chance she gets, she's badmouthing him behind
his back and insulting him. Why? Because she thinks that he should be a
responsible husband and father. Which he is. It's not the poor man's
fault that the job market sucks here in California at the moment.
However, he is trying very hard to find a job. He's even resorted to
retail since no computer firms are calling him back. And he's a computer
So, after almost a year of tension, and me getting caught in the middle
between the two, my Mom finally got into it with my husband. She started
going off on him, and told him to "get out."
So here's my issue. I love my husband dearly, and I miss New Jersey SO
much. (I moved out there by myself when I was 18) But at the same time,
my 3 year old son is in preschool here in California. However, I can't
STAND living with my over-protective, criticising and insulting mother any
longer. On the same note, there's no way we can afford ANYTHING out here
in California unless we have amazing jobs. (I'm with a staffing agency at
What do I do?
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Dear Stuck Shawna,
Have you had a sit down with your mom to discuss this? It is her house, so the best you can do is try and reason with her. But you love your husband, you respect his efforts, and you have a three year old son that you clearly love, so you've got some important things to feel thankful for in the face of a tough situation.
If a talk with your mom doesn't yield real results real quick, you need to figure out how to move out. You, your husband and your child are a family and if your extended family is causing problems, then you need to get out. Your husband has been looking for a computer technician job for a long time. It is time to think about a career change for him. You may want to pair that with moving to a high growth area to make the search for work easier. There won't be a better time to move your son for a long time, so this could be a good time to take your family and strike out to find a place for your family to set down some roots.
If you do decide to move out, you're gonna have to plan very carefully and you're gonna need some money, so your husband will need to augment your paycheck by getting any work he can to give you a cushion. Not going to be easy, but you've got to look out for your family.