Marriage

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

What do you do when you and your husband don't live in the same home? We've been together a total of 19 years and married for four. We've talked about living together, but he has his mother and 22-year-old son living with him and I have my 22-year-old son (who is away at college) with me. I am tired of living in separate homes and so is my husband, but he doesn't actually do anything about it. I've been patient, but I cannot take it anymore! I love him and he loves me as well. My mother-in-law thinks my husband is her husband and we don't get along. I also recently lost my job, so money has put a strain on our marriage. What must I do to let him know that it's them or me?

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Here's a how-to you won't find in the bride books.

If calling off your wedding feels like the right decision, then it probably is. New research from UCLA found that newlywed women who experienced prewedding doubts are 2.5 times more likely to divorce than brides who did not report cold feet. In fact, almost 20 percent of wives in the study who said they had hesitations about the marriage divorced within four years.

While it's not a divorce, the process — not to mention the decision — of ending your engagement can be stressful, shameful, emotional, and melodramatic. But remember: breakups are never easy, and just because it's hard doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. You certainly won't be the first bride to turn around on her way down the aisle, and if you know a relationship isn't meant to be, better to admit it before you say "I do." Here's how to call off a wedding as smoothly as possible.

• If you know getting married is the wrong decision, accept it and move forward. Instead of worrying what people will say, simply decide what you're going to say to them, and don't let anyone question your decision.
• If you're not yet sure if you should call the wedding off entirely, consider postponing it. Don't worry about setting a new date at this point; just notify guests that the wedding has been postponed until further notice with a printed or handwritten note.
• If you haven't sent the invitations yet, you can notify people informally. Enlist close friends or members of your wedding party (if you've picked one), divvy up the guest list, and have them call everyone to break the news.

What if the invitations have already gone out? Just read more

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I think I have some serious fear of commitment. Not that I fear from committing myself to someone, rather, If I love someone, I would dedicate and commit myself fully and completely to him. My issue lies in my huge phobia of being cheated on. The more I fall in love, the more I panic over him betraying me.

I have been in this serious relationship with a wonderful loving man for one and half year now. I have had my moments of weakness when I've made a fuss over nothing due to my insecurities, but I've been working on them and I have been fairly better. Another issue that I suffer from: I am a quitter. In the beginning, every time we had a fight I broke up with him and he was the one who fixed everything. That was the beginning, now I feel more of a mature person. I have learned to work through our problems rather than breaking off the whole thing.

My boyfriend proposed to me some months ago, and I said yes. I know you might think that I'm not prepared for this. but I want to remind you that I also have my wonderful qualities and I deem myself as a good mate.

The thing is, all this time I felt kind of safe because there was always the "way out." I could always break up with him if I were unappreciated or cheated on. But when I become married, I don't want to think about divorce. (Having two divorced sister makes divorce even more of a phobia for me and also my parents.) I mean let's say after 5 years of living together, he suddenly changes and tell me he does not like how I look. If a single woman posts an issue like this, you would all tell her to dump him and look for a better person. What if she were married and with a child? What if she talked to him and he did not change? I mean, everybody can be wonderful today and change drastically in 5 years. What is she ought to do then?

I want to know how married couples fix issues like cheating, trust issues and self image?

I would appreciate comments from married people who do face whole lot of issues but fix them and have a successful marriage? (If there are any!)

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This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My husband and I have been together for 15 years. We have more than our share of ups and downs. More downs than I can remember. I have been by his side through everything. I still question his faithfulness in the past, but these last few months he has been sexting this woman that he went to school with.

Now granted she lives over 1,000 miles away but he has told her he loves her. He tells me it means nothing and makes a joke out of the whole thing. He tries to play like I am all the sex he needs and it is only harmless flirting. I confronted her on FB and told her to back off, she messaged me back and said they are just friends and blocked me. That right there tells me that something is wrong with the picture.

I tried to rekindle the flame we once had and it was amazing. Then I found out that he was still texting her. I have asked him to tell her to get lost and tell her that he is happily married. He has not done it yet. I am not sure at this point what to do . I know that if the thought is there, sooner or later the action will be there. I should also add that we have a 4-year-old daughter together.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously on Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My husband and I are having some major major issues and I want to show him that we're worth it and fight for him. He is my very best friend and I just want to spice it up and light the spark back up. Has anyone been through this and how do I fix it?

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Iconic author and editor Helen Gurley Brown died today at age 90. Helen is known as the woman who brought sex to the masses, with her best-seller Sex and the Single Girl in 1962, and then by leading Cosmopolitan as editor in chief from 1965 until 1997.

After 50 years of marriage, Helen Gurley Brown's husband, David Brown, died in 2010. Despite the make-yourself populism Helen promoted to women each month in Cosmo, she credited much to her husband in 2008, saying, "I owe him everything. I wouldn't be who I am or achieved what I did." Of course, what made them each successful was not the other but their partnership. David convinced Helen to write Sex and the Single Girl; he published Cosmo for the first few years while she edited it. It was a marriage of collaboration and mutual respect, so let's look at some of Helen's secrets for making it work.

• Choose wisely: "Marry a decent, good, kind person who will cherish you."
• Always say yes to sex: "If only one of you is in the mood, do it. Even if sex isn’t great every time, it's a unique form of communication and togetherness that can help you stay together with a good degree of contentment."
• Depend on each other: "Marriage is insurance for the worst years of your life. During your best years you don't need a husband."
• Communicate, maniacally: "If you listen to your mate maniacally well, you can’t go wrong."
• Except when it comes to orgasms: "There's enough trouble having a man in your life without saying, 'Look, I didn't have an orgasm last night.'"

File this under unions no one saw coming: Agyness Deyn eloped with actor Giovanni Ribisi last Friday. According to Crown City News, the couple was spotted "passionately kissing" in line at the eastern branch of the Los Angeles County Registrar's office. When asked if they were there to get married, they shyly said yes. Ribisi also added that he and Deyn had been dating for "a while."

A spokesperson for Ribisi confirmed the happy news on Thursday afternoon, saying, "Agyness Deyn and Giovanni Ribisi quietly married in Los Angeles over the weekend." Deyn previously dated Josh Hubbard of The Paddingtons for four years but ended the relationship in 2008. She told The Daily Mail in March that she hadn't dated anyone for several months, partially due to her hectic acting schedule.

"The fact is I'm choosy, but mainly about a man's character," she said. "He has to be interesting, funny, and clever. I don't even mind if he's not very good-looking."

Each year, almost 80,000 foreign spouses are awarded US green cards. The American government has determined that these couples are in bona fide relationships with the help of the "Stokes interview." Stokes refers to a federal court decision that ordered New York's immigration services to be more fair in deciding marriage green card cases. When officials have any suspicion that they're dealing with a sham marriage, they will interview the spouses separately, asking them questions about their personal life and relationship. The answers to these questions can't be memorized ahead of time, and officials will compare each spouse's answers afterward for discrepancies.

The New York Daily News recently looked into the city's "Stokes unit" and reported on some example questions. They include:

• What restaurant do you and your husband usually order takeout from? Where do you keep the menus?
• How did you celebrate New Year's Eve last year?
• How much is your rent? Who writes the check?

One man, the paper reports, reported sleeping in the same bed with his wife every night, but didn't know that she had an oxygen tank next to the bed. Whoops. If an immigrant can avoid something like that and beat the system, after 10 years of citizenship, you're off free, thanks to the statute of limitations. Would you ever consider getting married for a green card?