Marriage

We're happy to present this story from one of our favorite sites, Fox News Magazine. Today, licensed NYC therapist Rachel Sussman gives advice to stop fighting in your relationship.

All couples argue from time to time, and that's perfectly normal. There are many things to bicker about in today's hectic world. Many couples argue about finance, sex, parenting, and work/life balance.

Many couples also argue about roles. Meet Tara and Steven who are clients in my psychotherapy practice. They sought my guidance because they are arguing more than usual and they are afraid of the long-term impact on their relationship from the friction.

Tara and Steven mostly have a solid marriage and the issues they are grappling with are representative of the myriad struggles that couples have. Both have demanding jobs, plus there are three children (ages four through ten) at home requiring care, guidance and love. Additionally there is a marriage that needs tending as well.

In my office, they had an explosive argument about an unpaid bill that left them temporarily without cell service. What they didn't understand was that they're not arguing about the bill, they're arguing about the defined roles they each take on in the marriage.

"Why is it my responsibility to pay all the bills?" asks Steven. "Don't I have enough on my plate these days?"

Tara barks back, "You have always paid the bills, Steven. It's always been your job! Just like taking Michelle to swim team is my job. In fact, you know I hate the swim team mornings!"

Deciding how much time to devote to a career, family, and a spouse is a major issue among couples.

Unfortunately, most couples don't take the time to sit down and discuss the "business of family." Instead, roles are randomly assigned or taken on without much thought. This haphazard set up, which isn't ideal, leaves too much room for error.

Keep reading for Rachel's solution to this common relational issue.

Today, President Barack Obama spoke out at an impromptu news conference against California's Proposition 8 ballot measure that bans gay marriage. He said that Prop. 8 "doesn't provide any rationale for discriminating against same-sex couples other than just the notion, 'Well, they're same-sex couples.'" Obama's remarks come a day after his administration issued a brief urging justices to overturn California's gay marriage ban. The president said, "I felt it was important for us to articulate what I believe and what this administration stands for."

Obama went on to say that since the brief was specifically about California, it didn't explicitly argue that gay marriage should be legal in every state. "That's an argument that I make, personally," he said. "The court may decide that if it doesn't apply in this case, it probably can't apply in any case. There's no good reason for it."

This is an important milestone, as Obama's comments could influence the Supreme Court's decision on the Prop. 8 case — which will be argued March 26 — causing a domino effect with the seven other states that give gay couples the benefits of marriage through civil unions or domestic partnership without allowing them to wed.

In the past, Obama has held a stance that the legalization of same-sex marriage should be decided by the states, but he's become bolder with his backing of the cause since officially voicing his support of gay marriage in May of last year. In his State of the Union address last month, Obama referenced his stance on gay rights, saying, "It is our unfinished task to restore the basic bargain that built this country — the idea that if you work hard and meet your responsibilities, you can get ahead, no matter where you come from, what you look like, or who you love."

We're happy to present this article from our partner site Yahoo Shine!:

Take a look at Pinterest and you'll find plenty of boards dedicated to amazing weddings. The perfect dress. Gorgeous engagement rings. Romantic up-dos. Awe-inspiring do-it-yourself decorations that would put Martha Stewart to shame. But among all of the wedding offerings, certain boards stand out: Ones created by women who are proudly and publicly planning for the big day even though they're still single.

LOOK: Celebrity Wedding Dresses -- What Should They Wear?

They're not pretending otherwise, either. With titles like "How single girls plan their wedding," "Planning my wedding while single," and "Single with BIG wedding plans," the boards are packed with Cinderella dresses, party theme ideas, and pictures of enormous diamond solitaires -- playing up the myth of the perfect wedding while ignoring the reality of real-life marriage.

Keep reading to find out more about this growing phenomenon.

Money tends to be a sensitive, conflict-sparking subject for couples, so deciding how to split expenses can be tricky. There are several different options for dividing payments, each with their own benefits and drawbacks. Here are four of the most common methods for splitting expenses, plus the potential pros and cons of each choice:

1. Divide all expenses 50/50. Splitting all costs in half is certainly a simple option, but the reactions may be a bit complicated. Sure, everyone's paying their "fair share," but the person who makes less money in the relationship may be frustrated that they're paying a higher fraction of their salary.
2. Pay in a ratio according to both salaries. If one partner makes $50,000 and the other makes $100,000, then all expenses would be paid in a one to two ratio so that the first person covers one-third of each bill. Dividing costs to correspond with salaries ensures that both partners are spending an equal percentage of their paycheck each month. The downside? Things may get messy with pay raises or pay cuts, and the person with a higher salary may grow resentful.
3. The breadwinner pays all. This is a good option if one partner stays home with the kids or has an artistic career with sporadic, unpredictable income. To prevent any bitterness, it's important for the nonbreadwinner to take care of other tasks around the home so that the responsibilities feel balanced.
4. Different bills for each partner. Another way to divide is to simply assign separate bills to each partner. Does one person watch television more often? They can be in charge of the cable bill. Does the other take long, scalding-hot showers? The water bill is theirs. It may be difficult to split things equally, but this is a great way to step back and recognize which habits are costing money.

When it comes to splitting expenses — and feeling satisfied with finances as a couple — the key is communication. Both partners should encourage each other to speak up and be honest about their opinions. It all comes down to balance, so it's important to treat money like any other responsibility and learn to compromise.

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

What do you do when you and your husband don't live in the same home? We've been together a total of 19 years and married for four. We've talked about living together, but he has his mother and 22-year-old son living with him and I have my 22-year-old son (who is away at college) with me. I am tired of living in separate homes and so is my husband, but he doesn't actually do anything about it. I've been patient, but I cannot take it anymore! I love him and he loves me as well. My mother-in-law thinks my husband is her husband and we don't get along. I also recently lost my job, so money has put a strain on our marriage. What must I do to let him know that it's them or me?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously in Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

Here's a how-to you won't find in the bride books.

If calling off your wedding feels like the right decision, then it probably is. New research from UCLA found that newlywed women who experienced prewedding doubts are 2.5 times more likely to divorce than brides who did not report cold feet. In fact, almost 20 percent of wives in the study who said they had hesitations about the marriage divorced within four years.

While it's not a divorce, the process — not to mention the decision — of ending your engagement can be stressful, shameful, emotional, and melodramatic. But remember: breakups are never easy, and just because it's hard doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. You certainly won't be the first bride to turn around on her way down the aisle, and if you know a relationship isn't meant to be, better to admit it before you say "I do." Here's how to call off a wedding as smoothly as possible.

• If you know getting married is the wrong decision, accept it and move forward. Instead of worrying what people will say, simply decide what you're going to say to them, and don't let anyone question your decision.
• If you're not yet sure if you should call the wedding off entirely, consider postponing it. Don't worry about setting a new date at this point; just notify guests that the wedding has been postponed until further notice with a printed or handwritten note.
• If you haven't sent the invitations yet, you can notify people informally. Enlist close friends or members of your wedding party (if you've picked one), divvy up the guest list, and have them call everyone to break the news.

What if the invitations have already gone out? Just read more

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I think I have some serious fear of commitment. Not that I fear from committing myself to someone, rather, If I love someone, I would dedicate and commit myself fully and completely to him. My issue lies in my huge phobia of being cheated on. The more I fall in love, the more I panic over him betraying me.

I have been in this serious relationship with a wonderful loving man for one and half year now. I have had my moments of weakness when I've made a fuss over nothing due to my insecurities, but I've been working on them and I have been fairly better. Another issue that I suffer from: I am a quitter. In the beginning, every time we had a fight I broke up with him and he was the one who fixed everything. That was the beginning, now I feel more of a mature person. I have learned to work through our problems rather than breaking off the whole thing.

My boyfriend proposed to me some months ago, and I said yes. I know you might think that I'm not prepared for this. but I want to remind you that I also have my wonderful qualities and I deem myself as a good mate.

The thing is, all this time I felt kind of safe because there was always the "way out." I could always break up with him if I were unappreciated or cheated on. But when I become married, I don't want to think about divorce. (Having two divorced sister makes divorce even more of a phobia for me and also my parents.) I mean let's say after 5 years of living together, he suddenly changes and tell me he does not like how I look. If a single woman posts an issue like this, you would all tell her to dump him and look for a better person. What if she were married and with a child? What if she talked to him and he did not change? I mean, everybody can be wonderful today and change drastically in 5 years. What is she ought to do then?

I want to know how married couples fix issues like cheating, trust issues and self image?

I would appreciate comments from married people who do face whole lot of issues but fix them and have a successful marriage? (If there are any!)

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously on Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.