Making Friends After a Breakup

Group Therapy: Making Girlfriends After a Breakup

October 12, 2010

This question comes from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I am in a difficult situation in my life right now. I am 24 years old, and I am still a junior in college, so I am older than pretty much everyone in all my classes. Right now, I am taking a semester off for health reasons, so I am not currently enrolled in classes nor do I have a job.

I just broke up with my boyfriend of two years, and most of the people I hung out with when we dated were his friends. Right now, I have about 3 people I consider friends, so I am pretty lonely or bored most of the time.

I could really use some suggestions or ideas on how to meet new people — it seems sad that I know how to go about meeting guys easier than I do new friends. Any thoughts?

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10 Comments

trinachka 2 years 5 weeks

What do you love to do? Is there an organization or club or reading group or something similar that meets long-terms and speaks to your passions on some basic level? You're more likely to make friends while doing what you love doing (reading, knitting, singing, writing, working out...?) when you have a set time/place to meet regularly. Salsa dance classes are a fun way to socialize, exercise and express yourself. I personally like volunteering as a way to take myself out of my own thoughts/problems, so I'd also recommend that. Invite people to get together, maybe just for coffee after meeting or an evening stroll...and give yourself and your friendships time to grow and develop.

postmodernsleaze 2 years 31 weeks

For the time that you're taking off from school, try volunteering or finding a group/club. Browse the paper, check out the bulletin board at the public libraries, and browse the internet for things going on in your area. When you get back to school, that will be a great opportunity to meet some new friends via clubs. Colleges and universities are full of them. I agree with onlysourcherry... when you make your new friends, don't ditch them when you meet your next boyfriend! Friends are harder to come by and it isn't worth it to use them for convenience when you're single. Stay friends.

postmodernsleaze 2 years 31 weeks

For the time that you're taking off from school, try volunteering or finding a group/club. Browse the paper, check out the bulletin board at the public libraries, and browse the internet for things going on in your area. When you get back to school, that will be a great opportunity to meet some new friends via clubs. Colleges and universities are full of them.I agree with onlysourcherry... when you make your new friends, don't ditch them when you meet your next boyfriend! Friends are harder to come by and it isn't worth it to use them for convenience when you're single. Stay friends.

katykat1980 2 years 31 weeks

I love onlysourcherry's idea about volunteering- I volunteer for a trailbuilding program, and I've met some awesome people through that. Also, people who get involved in projects are likely to know about other similar groups you also might have interest in. For example, the group I work with trailbuilding also has some members in a local hiking group; the hiking group hangs out with a mountainbiking club, and they all know a bunch of rock climbers. It's like following links on the internet, click on one thing you're interested in, and it leads to more!

ELLEHUDSON 2 years 31 weeks

I think the most important part of this equation is first getting totally comfortable with being by yourself.. Make sure you are taking care of yourself (alot of girls tend to let themselves go during/after breakups). Go walking, redecorate your house/apt/room, revamp your wardrobe (go get a couple new Fall pieces), go to the gym, do any projects you've put off in the last 2 years, etc! When you are active and getting things done for yourself, you will be a happy person & happy people attract other happy people to themselves! :) Now as far as actually making new friends.. take workout classes (yoga, pilates, dance), get a part-time job at somewhere with girls your age (Starbucks, Abercrombie, Victoria secret, Restaurants), reconnect with old friends, make the extra effort to really connect with the 3 girls who are currently your friends.. when you hang out with them tell them to invite some other girls (girls night!). I totally went thru this with my last break up! Just focus on you & be happy :)

ELLEHUDSON 2 years 31 weeks

I think the most important part of this equation is first getting totally comfortable with being by yourself.. Make sure you are taking care of yourself (alot of girls tend to let themselves go during/after breakups).Go walking, redecorate your house/apt/room, revamp your wardrobe (go get a couple new Fall pieces), go to the gym, do any projects you've put off in the last 2 years, etc!When you are active and getting things done for yourself, you will be a happy person & happy people attract other happy people to themselves! :) Now as far as actually making new friends.. take workout classes (yoga, pilates, dance), get a part-time job at somewhere with girls your age (Starbucks, Abercrombie, Victoria secret, Restaurants), reconnect with old friends, make the extra effort to really connect with the 3 girls who are currently your friends.. when you hang out with them tell them to invite some other girls (girls night!). I totally went thru this with my last break up! Just focus on you & be happy :)

onlysourcherry 2 years 31 weeks

It's way harder to meet new friends than guys. Girlfriends don't just walk up to you and ask for your number, or try to pick you up when you're out! Holly's suggestions are all great I'd also add volunteering and looking into women's social networking groups in your area. Not to scold you, but make sure you don't ditch your new friends once you get into another relationship so you won't find yourself in this position again.

onlysourcherry 2 years 31 weeks

HollyJRockNRoll 2 years 32 weeks

I can relate to this. I went back to school and it can suck sometimes being in class with kids who are way younger then you. I have found it VERY helpful to form a relationship with yourself and learn to enjoy time alone. Its one of the best things I have learned. I crave alone time now- going shopping alone, or even to the movies can be a nice time. Still, I get the desire for friends. I suggest joining a gym and taking a class. You go enough, other women will start chatting with you. It's also a nice place to check out some hot men, lol. You could even try changing your hair dresser (if you already have one), to someone who is in your age range. Or even, just going to a hot hair salon / spa. You'd be surprised about how nice some of those people are and will sometimes tell you about spa events or invite you out. The most important thing is to just be friendly. Friendliness attracts people. Smile, ect. You think this is a no brainer, but I am often shocked by how few people smile at one another, even when you smile at them, or even make simple eye contact. Also, don't be so desperate for friends that you accept just anyone. Sometimes I have been open to letting every nice seeming person into my life because I was bored or lonely, and often it bit me in the ass. You are better off forming some out of school hobbies that can lead to meeting nice people. Also, try getting a job at some place cool, like Sephora or a trendy clothes store, or whatever thing you like. When people get out of school, work can often become a place to meet new pals.

HollyJRockNRoll 2 years 32 weeks

I can relate to this. I went back to school and it can suck sometimes being in class with kids who are way younger then you. I have found it VERY helpful to form a relationship with yourself and learn to enjoy time alone. Its one of the best things I have learned. I crave alone time now- going shopping alone, or even to the movies can be a nice time. Still, I get the desire for friends.I suggest joining a gym and taking a class. You go enough, other women will start chatting with you. It's also a nice place to check out some hot men, lol.You could even try changing your hair dresser (if you already have one), to someone who is in your age range. Or even, just going to a hot hair salon / spa. You'd be surprised about how nice some of those people are and will sometimes tell you about spa events or invite you out.The most important thing is to just be friendly. Friendliness attracts people. Smile, ect. You think this is a no brainer, but I am often shocked by how few people smile at one another, even when you smile at them, or even make simple eye contact.Also, don't be so desperate for friends that you accept just anyone. Sometimes I have been open to letting every nice seeming person into my life because I was bored or lonely, and often it bit me in the ass. You are better off forming some out of school hobbies that can lead to meeting nice people. Also, try getting a job at some place cool, like Sephora or a trendy clothes store, or whatever thing you like. When people get out of school, work can often become a place to meet new pals.

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