Dear Sugar
I have been best friends with my neighbor Steve ever since I can remember. Suddenly, out of the blue, he started acting really strange around me. I could swear that he’s flirting with me and I feel really weird about it. Now I don’t know how to act around him. Do you think talking to him about how I only love him as a friend will make things better or worse? I just want things to go back to the way they’ve always been between us. Missing My Buddy Missy
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Dear Missing My Buddy Missy
Every time you think that a man and a woman can be platonic friends, one of them gets a crush and ruins everything. Think about When Harry Met Sally .
I am sorry that your best bud has to be your first lesson on this subject. It can be very upsetting and confusing to find out that one the person who you thought was interested in your well being really has an ulterior motive.
It’s unfortunate when only one person finds the other attractive in “that way.” It would be ideal if it worked out so that everyone got to date/marry their best friend of the opposite sex - but life doesn’t usually work out like that and someone always gets hurt. Here’s my advice.
If you’ve been confiding in him about your love interests – stop. He could be feeling territorial. If he’s heard you talk about feeling interested in dating someone else, then maybe it’s making him want what he can’t have. Men like competition.
I would try my best just to act normal and let it go until it really becomes a problem or he confronts you. Don’t embarrass him and bring it up because maybe it will pass. Then you will have wished you never addressed it head on. When you see him next, treat him like you would any other day.
Hopefully he’ll understand that you always have and always will just seem him as a best bud.
Esprit
Bikkembergs
Miriam Ocariz
This does seem to happen alot to women. I wonder are guys that slow on the uptake or do they sometimes "pretend" to be our friend for a long time in hopes we'll one day fall in love and sleep with them? It's a very interesting phenomenon. I hope it works out for you though and that you get to keep him as a friend.
1men don't befriend women they wouldn't sleep with
2EP, does that mean my friend Robert is not really my friend and is only looking to get laid? Say it ain't so EP because he's a really great friend.
3You know, I'm starting to really believe that it's not possible for men and women to really be friends, unless someone is super off limits because they dated one of your friends, or something like that.
But then again, my life has been dramatic recently ...
4I had a male best friend who wound up having feelings for me, but I did not even know because the only difference in his character seemed that he was a little more quiet than normal. His friend had to tell me that he had the hots for me. It was awkward for a bit but then we were at different schools and I barely saw him anymore, so the whole thing just evaporated.
5Laura and EP I agree with yous, maybe be the Dominican in me but where I come from Man and women cannot be friends LOL. One is always interested in the other in someway, shape or form.
In Spain they think differently though, My BF is great friends with his ex and it drives me CRAZY! To me once you brake its over! No friend no nothing, I hate when that Beyotch calls him ARGGGHHH!
6yayita, i'm great friends with my exes too but i occasionally sleep with them. women can befriend men without any ulterior motives. in fact, most of my male friends are people i would never sleep with.
7LOL EP, so your exes are now your bed buddies??? Thats right, use those bastards up!! hehehe
8That's right EP and Yayita at least you know what you're getting and there's no room for disappointment.
9yayita, they are MUCH better ex-boyfriends than they were boyfriends. they're really only good for one thing and until i find someone who's good in and out of the bedroom, i'll hang on to them.
10Play on Playa, hehe
11i gotta get some fresh air ... i am goin out with my gf's hope u guys have fun ... i will check in layer 2nite ... ep keep ur hands off my canadian candy... cali; hope u have an awesome time on ur date ... ciao
12Bye Team Diet Coke, LOL.
13Enjoy your night with teh Chicas, hope you hook up and take advantage of some dudes!
14Let me go on the record as saying I LLLLLLOOOOOOOVVVVEEE When Harry Met Sally, there is a great scene in there where they discuss how men and women can never really be just friends, the sex part always gets in the way...I think men have a hard time keeping the two seperate...it's they way they are wired!
15I think its possible to be friends as long as both of you know neither is attracted to the other. However, I'm finding it really hard to be friends w/an ex. You can never go back to being platonic...
16I think you can be friends with an ex
17all my guy friends are guys who were good enough to be my friends but not good enough to be my boyfriend..however i must say my best guy friend turned out to be gay...so i guess it's true that u can be best friends as long as theres no sexual attraction.
18I just wanted to say that if a guy is so wonderful to be such a great friend., maybe you should try to look at him with "new eyes". I found out that my best friend for years had a crush on me. I started to look at him in a new light, and slowly became very open to just the posibility. I knew we had trust, and fun and morals and all these other really important things in common yet I had never felt that "spark". I did though always wonder about all the girls he dated. In my mind they were never good enough for him (maybe foresight) Well long story short we held hands (how strange it was !!) Then one day a kiss and from then on ... WOW. It totaly changed from a friendship to love with one kiss. Sounds corny but true. I knew when he asked me to be his girl it meant so much more then just a casual thing. Well here we are 5 years later, married , in love and the parents of a 4 year old. Sometimes life sends you a present in a package you don't recognize. Be open cause ya never know!
19try to set him up - he'll get hte subtle message. hopefully. but you won't have to address it until he brings it up - also don't touch as comfortably as you would have before - that cna easily be misinterpreted.
20THIS HAPPENED TO ME! 1 of my best male friends likes me and I have no idea what to say to him. He doesn't know I know and I hope to keep it that way. Because if he tells me he likes me I'm gonna end up hurting him and this IS NOT something I want to do, but I can't lie. And after I found out it was extremely awkward (for me at least) and I noticed him trying to get rather close to me, just being next to me a lot...and I was like OH sh*t. you know?
21*sigh* I just hope he forgets and finds a new love interest.
OH my god this IS my situation!! He recently confessed that he used to have a crush on me but that it evaporated. But I'm not so sure... I'm noticing things and it's sort of bugging me a little.
22I heard it straight from the lips of 5 separate guys that guys and girls cannot just be friends without the guy wanting to sleep with her. The only exceptions to this rule I have heard, are if the chick is fat and ugly, or if the girl has slept with different guy they hate. I personally found this very disturbingly true...I have a lot of guy friends, and the only ones I would have pegged as for sure not like that told me that they liked me just after I heard this.
23When Harry Met Sally is right, and sugar, I'm not sure I agree. Last time this happened to me I played dumb, till he spelled it out for me that he like me. I had to tell him I didn't see him that way and he thought I had been leading him on to believe i did. theres gotta be a way of telling them your not interested without being blunt.
I know I'm years late here on the post but I hope you have spoken with him about this and that all is well with you two.
I think men and women can be friends without all the drama or him thinking only of sex around her. All men are different and you can judge them all the same. Anytime you have a problem with your male friend you should always take the time to discuss the situation as adults.
24And I'm a fan of Harry and Sally. They were a cute couple in the movie.
25I'm years late of the post aswell, but your answers got me a little confused.. because it might explains some situations. I have a ot of male friends, two of them are my best friends, and i know for a fact that they both find me attractive (i lack confidence, so their compliments are "only" meant to help me see myself as i really am).
However i have considered myself a lesbian for a long time, and my sexual orientation has allowed me to have true friendships with guys because the possibility of us ever sleeping together was 0.
Now i'm starting to see guys under a different light.. my best friends know that, however i try not to talk too much about that with them because i don't want them to see me differently.
Also i think i prefer the company of men, not only because we share the same interrests, but because there's this game where you seek for their "attention", and once you get it, game is over..
Now, for new male friends, how to get the situation straight (that i'm not looking in anythign else in them than friendship) before we start seeing each other more often and we have a misunderstanding on dating??
Guys confuse me T_T i want them to knwo from the beginning that they can ray the possibility of sleeping with us one day out of their head!!
26Sorry for the bad english :S hope u can read and understand it
27hey how are you doing i we like to know more about you..am online now...you can reach me now online ok...sandra.macon@yahoo.com... waiting ok...
28This happened to me last night. My best guy friend phoned me at around 11:30pm, asked me if I still liked this guy in my class (which I do), I didn't answer him, because it was quite obvious that I still did. Plus, he knows it anyway. Then there was this awkward moment of silence, then he hissed 'I like you', and he asked if I do as well. Then he hung up. I'm not sure if he was dared by his male friends in any way, but what if it wasn't a dare? What should I do? I really don't want to just treat him like the way I always did, because now that he confessed, I'll feel awkward with him...
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