This or That: Long Distance or Baby on the Way?

September 19, 2008

You’ve met the guy of your dreams. He’s funny, smart, kind, and totally into you. After meeting through a mutual friend, you enjoy the most romantic date ever the very next night. Towards the end of the evening, when he says he really wants to pursue things with you but has something he has to tell you first, you’re immediately worried. Would it be worse if . . .

This: It turns out he’s only in town for a few weeks visiting family? He actually lives 2000 miles away with no plans of moving in the next year or two.

Or . . .

That: He’s single, but his ex is pregnant with his child? He wants to make a great dad, but that means putting his relationship second.

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29 Comments

calli gurl 4 years 20 weeks

long distance is fine with me. but a baby? hell no

Belle1031 4 years 34 weeks

Not my kid of guy but baby is definitely a no no!

talanted08 4 years 34 weeks

Yes, having a child is worse b/c that means he's going to have to spend time with the baby momma instead of you! If I was to find this out I would rather for him to be a father than deal with me and the baby momma drama! Personally I wouldn't have the time or effort to deal with that so I would rather for him to be long distance.

JaimeLeah526 4 years 34 weeks

I'd rather have him there no matter what.

OhMyDragonflys 4 years 34 weeks

I wouldn't even TRY. But the baby is so much worse.

honeysugar28 4 years 34 weeks

Yeah either way it wouldn't work for me. But the baby on the way is definitely worse. If he really wanted to be a good father he would not abandon the baby's mother while she's pregnant and at least try to make it work.

ilanac13 4 years 34 weeks

i had to say 'THAT' since it sounds like there's potential there for something, but there are a LOT of challenges coming both of your ways. i think that the idea of a long distance thing is ok if you're willing to put in the miles - and i've done them and ended up in my case that it was one sided. i know that you can't have the perfect relationship when you're only seeing each other at times that aren't reality - it's like a vacation for one person...but if you want to make it work you can. the scenario with the baby on the way - that's a really hard situation to be in. a lot of the time the guy will say that he's not into the ex anymore and really believe that but once a baby comes, a whole new boat load of feelings come along and you can't really anticipate what the outcome there will be. i've heard so many times that the father realizes that he needs to have a more active role in the kid's life and that turns out to being more involved in the mom's life and that can be really confusing or frustrating for a new girlfriend.

ilanac13 4 years 34 weeks

RockAndRepublic 4 years 34 weeks

Not that he left her, but why would he be thinking of starting a new relationship with a baby on the way?

Exactly! If it was long distance, i'd at least give it a twirl.

RockAndRepublic 4 years 34 weeks

<blockquote>Not that he left her, but why would he be thinking of starting a new relationship with a baby on the way?</blockquote>Exactly! If it was long distance, i'd at least give it a twirl.

sparklestar 4 years 34 weeks

I wouldn't get involved in either situation. That's just crazy. Also with the ex having the baby that means there was a recent breakup and I'd just not want to be in that situation.

looseseal 4 years 34 weeks

Baby is worse for sure. Just by virtue of being much more permanent and unchangeable than the long distance.

Muirnea 4 years 34 weeks

I wouldn't actually try either way, but the baby is WAY WAY worse.

ehadams 4 years 34 weeks

I wouldn't go out with him either way...

jessie 4 years 34 weeks

fly baby fly.....rack up those frequent flyer miles...shop, shop, shop!!!!

HeidiMD 4 years 34 weeks

The baby would be worse. Besides the time commitment, there are so many other strings attached. It took me a while to adjust to my fiance's daughter (but now I love her dearly), and she was four when we started dating. I can't imagine what a new baby would be like.

princess_eab 4 years 34 weeks

OMG, no question!! Long distance!! I'm in one right now, I've been in one before, and it's easily overcome if both people are on the same page. Plus, how cool is that that the guy thinks you're worth it? Baby - no way.

princess_eab 4 years 34 weeks

pumpkin81 4 years 34 weeks

Baby on the way is so much worse. I think that makes the guy unethical/immoral/undateable. Who would leave a pregnant woman? Even if things weren't working out between them romantically, he should support her through the pregnancy, do half of the childcare until the child is old enough to have other arrangements (you can't even put a kid in daycare until 6 months of age), and support his child financially. He shouldn't be trying to be someone's boyfriend. Ugh! If you have kids, you lose the right to be selfish. If I were that guy's ex-girlfriend, I'd give him custody and see how he likes being a single parent.

pumpkin81 4 years 34 weeks

Baby on the way is so much worse. I think that makes the guy unethical/immoral/undateable. Who would leave a pregnant woman? Even if things weren't working out between them romantically, he should support her through the pregnancy, do half of the childcare until the child is old enough to have other arrangements (you can't even put a kid in daycare until 6 months of age), and support his child financially. He shouldn't be trying to be someone's boyfriend. Ugh! If you have kids, you lose the right to be selfish.If I were that guy's ex-girlfriend, I'd give him custody and see how he likes being a single parent.

Marni7 4 years 34 weeks

Baby is worse..way worse..way way way worse. trust me

sonya ina 4 years 34 weeks

I wouldn't be able to handle the baby thing. Long distance relationships are tough, but I moved for my now-husband, so I'd prefer that.

bluestar 4 years 34 weeks

Not that he left her, but why would he be thinking of starting a new relationship with a baby on the way? That relationship hasn't been over long enough for me to be interested, if she's still pregnant!

bluestar 4 years 34 weeks

Ummm...how about neither? I think the baby would be worse though! Why would he leave a pregnant woman?

Tami715 4 years 34 weeks

Baby is definitely worse for me. I can deal with some time apart and the difficulties that come with it, but I couldn't deal with watching my guy go through all that first baby stuff with someone else.

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