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The L Word

Dear Sugar
I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half. About six months ago, I told him that I love him. He didn't respond, which I thought was OK, but since then I have said it multiples times and I am still not getting anything in response.

During a heated discussion about it, he confessed to me that he "can't tell me he loves right now," and that it takes him longer to feel true love than it does me. Do I wait around for him in hopes that he will eventually love me or do I find someone who isn't afraid of the word? Crushed Cassie


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Dear Crushed Cassie
A year and a half is a long time to be with someone to have him not know if he loves you. I agree that sometimes, people's love progresses at different stages, but if you feel in your heart of hearts you are on a different page in this relationship you have to make a tough decision if you want to be with someone who is openly not ready for the L word.

When you discuss your future, does your boyfriend reassure you there is a place in his heart for you? Something tells me he has a fear of intimacy; does he come from a broken home or is he still feeling the effects of a bad relationship? When you ask him about his love for you, does he go into depth about what makes him not ready to take that next step?

Like you, I can't predict the future or read your boyfriend's mind, so you are going to have to trust your gut instinct on this one. Typically, after a year and a half, I would think he would be pretty clear if you are the right person for him, but everyone is different.

Try to have a heart to heart with him and if you get the reassurance you need to make you feel secure in this relationship, I would give it a little more time. If you feel he is skating around the issue, you might want to reconsider staying together. Good luck.

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