Jenny Sanford in September Vogue

Jenny Sanford's Story: An Argument For Being Madly in Love

August 18, 2009

In a new profile in September's Vogue, South Carolina's first lady Jenny Sanford shares how she never fell madly in love with the man who would become a cheating husband. Her comments suggest that you might want to hold off an engagement until you find both practical compatibility and passionate love.

She says:

We weren’t madly in love, but we were compatible and good friends. . . . I like to think we balance each other out. I am a conservative at heart, but I’m not passionate about ideas like he is. I am better at making the trains run on time."

So far, this balance hasn't worked out so well for the Sanfords' marriage. Would you marry someone even if you weren't madly in love?

22 Comments

Texasred45 3 years 39 weeks

She married a man she was "not madly in love with," which was good enough for her but quite obviously not good enough for him.I made the same mistake in my first marriage, but when I learned what "madly in love" could be, that marriage was over. Not bragging, and I know I made mistakes, but I couldn't endure in a loveless relationship.

Texasred45 3 years 39 weeks

She married a man she was "not madly in love with," which was good enough for her but quite obviously not good enough for him. I made the same mistake in my first marriage, but when I learned what "madly in love" could be, that marriage was over. Not bragging, and I know I made mistakes, but I couldn't endure in a loveless relationship.

Hiding55 3 years 40 weeks

I am madly in love and I've never felt more sane in my life. I finally know exactly what I want. I don't know what the future holds, but I know I won't settle for anything else when it comes to the man I'm going to marry.

popgoestheworld 3 years 40 weeks

How about "an argument for not marrying a politician."I don't think being madly in love is any indication of a good marriage.

popgoestheworld 3 years 40 weeks

How about "an argument for not marrying a politician." I don't think being madly in love is any indication of a good marriage.

mamasitamalita 3 years 40 weeks

"I think a lot of conservatives get married because it's something they feel pressure to do. "I consider myself very conservative, yet very independent, and entering/building/fostering a strong marriage is absolutely something I strive to do in my life. however, I don't feel any pressure to get married just because. that said, I won't live with my boyfriend until we're married or at least engaged. I think its an unfair thing to say conservative people get married because they are pressured to do so.

mamasitamalita 3 years 40 weeks

"I think a lot of conservatives get married because it's something they feel pressure to do. " I consider myself very conservative, yet very independent, and entering/building/fostering a strong marriage is absolutely something I strive to do in my life. however, I don't feel any pressure to get married just because. that said, I won't live with my boyfriend until we're married or at least engaged. I think its an unfair thing to say conservative people get married because they are pressured to do so.

mix tape 3 years 40 weeks

Someone once told me love is not just a feeling, but a decision. I haven't thought about the word "love" the same way since. I have been "madly in love" and that relationship lasted for four years. It was based on passion and like a poster above me stated, that can make you feel really high or really low. After that ended I realized I want to have a balance of love and realistic compatibility that will lead to a successful life and marriage.

genesisrocks 3 years 40 weeks

I don't know about "madly in love"- that suggests some type of insanity, but I wouldn't make a commitment without both passion and friendship.

sourcherry 3 years 40 weeks

In this case the problem was the husband's lack of character that ruined the marriage, not that they weren't in love when they got married. If he hadn't cheated, she would be saying that balance, friendship and compatibility are the foundations of a good marriage. Basically I think there's no recipe for a successful marriage. As for me, however, I'd marry someone who I completely trusted and loved deeply, and someone who felt the same way about me. Compatibility and whatnot are great but don't guarantee anything. Same goes for crazy passion, it's too volatile to be the basis of a life time commitment.

sourcherry 3 years 40 weeks

McSquish 3 years 40 weeks

I think the term "madly in love" is getting bad wrap. Honestly, I picture the whole Tom Cruise couch jumping incident, but if I really think about it, it just is "madly in love" with someone, not to the point of being insane, but to the point of just being SO HAPPY you are with this person and if you chose, you are with the person for the rest of your life. My best friend is getting married next year. She's marrying her best friend (ok, not me) and she's not a gushy, over the top, scream from the window kind of gal, but I can feel it. She is madly in love with her fiance. They are both just so excited that they're going to spend the rest of their lives with each other. I broke up with a guy that I dated for 5 years. I felt that we "we were compatible and good friends" and he'd be a good father, I'd be a good wife blah blah blah. But I was NOT madly in love with him. I was not "excited" to spend the rest of my life with him. I mean, for gosh's sake, it took me 2 out of those 5 years to figure that out and admit it to myself. So madly in love is just knowing you want to be with this person, and they can be your best friend or your best lover. IMO.

McSquish 3 years 40 weeks

3 years 40 weeks

love is not something you can measure, falling in love is a process and is not just about the butterflies in your stomach and so forth. Nothing is quaranteed in life you cant really predict if there is someone better for you just waiting around the corner. I think people marry mostly because of the pressures of society and because people need each other whether they like it or not and its always nice to have a companion. Love is crazy so if you wanna fall in love be ready.. nothing will make you feel so high if things go right or so low if they go wrong. I do believe that you it is possible for someone to love another person too much, loving to the point you cant handle it and you cant be withouth him/her can be rather suffocating to someone who values their independence ... and there is always the chance that it wont work out in the long run. Choose a mate according to what you can handle, if you want to fall hard, get someone who wants to also. If you dont want any ties and feel kinda overwhelmed by all the feelings that being in love entails, dont do it but dont mess with the emotions of someone who wants to be loved deeply because we all make plans and expectations with those who we love. Long story short you have to have cojones to handle love, which is the most vulnerable yet beuatiful emotion someone can feel.

kismekate 3 years 40 weeks

I'd actually rather marry someone that I'm not madly in love with. It's less complicated. And often less hurtful. Of course not in this case. But I've found, in a recent poll I conducted, that those who married the person that they were deeply, madly in love with, have had a failed marriage. Those who decided to marry their best friend, and not necessarily the best lover, have long happy lives together.

lilkimbo 3 years 40 weeks

I think a lot of people get married because it's something they feel pressured to do, I don't see the point in singling out conservatives.

michichan 3 years 40 weeks

If I get to 40 and am still single, I've got a backup husband picked out.

3 years 40 weeks

i don't feel sorry for her. she knew he was cheating and not until the rest of the world know did she take this whole "I don't need this" attitude. And to pimp it out in Vogue? ehh, sketchy to say the least. what about their kids?? did she think about them??

spacekatgal 3 years 40 weeks

That's really sad. She handled this whole affair with an awesome amount of dignity though. I waited to get married until I found that - someone I passionately love. I don't pretend to have advice for getting married outside of my own experience, but it wasn't anything like what she's describing. I think a lot of conservatives get married because it's something they feel pressure to do.

spacekatgal 3 years 40 weeks

GlowingMoon 3 years 40 weeks

Personally, no. For me, the chemistry must come first, and compatibility second. A relationship can have both. They're not mutually exclusive. I do feel sorry for Jenny Sanford.

GlowingMoon 3 years 40 weeks

Personally, no. For me, the chemistry must come first, and compatibility second. A relationship can have both. They're not mutually exclusive.I do feel sorry for Jenny Sanford.

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