I have been with my boyfriend for over 3 years and lived with him for just as long. I love him so much, I would do anything for him but about 4 months ago I cheated on him with someone I developed unbelievable feelings for. He gave me the romance factor I was missing in my relationship with my boyfriend. My partner found out and of course was very hurt by it all and he kept asking "why why why?" I couldn't answer him, I couldn't tell him that I wanted more romance because it would hurt him even more if he thought his wasn't romantic enough.
We are still trying to work it out and he didn't want to leave me and I guess I didn't want to leave him either. The person I had the affair with was very supportive when I told him I had to work things out with my man, and he thought that was the right decision. I have now found out he is seeing someone and I am extremely jealous.... I hate all these feelings in my head at the moment, guilt, jealousy, shame, stupidity. I am so confused I want to run away and be on my own and think for myself, but I know if I do, I'll have not even one of those special people in my life and I know I want one of them. HELP!
--Having a Hard Time Hannah
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Dear Having a Hard Time Hannah--
I hate to say this, but the way you are treating your boyfriend is pretty crappy, and if you don't shape up, you are going to end up without him. What's done is done, but you can't continue to have your cake, and eat it too.
I'm wondering about your boyfriend of three years. Was there ever a "romance factor" or have you recently hit a fire-less point in your relationship? If not, is it possible to verbalize what exactly you want from him?
Whatever romantic things you are wishing for, show him what you want by doing those special things for him. Make him a candlelit dinner, surprise him with breakfast in bed, take him to a hotel overnight, send him flowers with a love note - and then maybe he'll understand better that the little things are so important to you.
No relationship is 100% stars, fireworks and romance ALL the time. Every couple goes through those rough spells when there's not a whole lot of magic. Since you two have been together for three years, you've probably reached that comfortable stage in your relationship - it doesn't mean it has to be boring though. If you do love him and want to be with him, you are going to have to find a way to rid yourself of those guilty feelings or else you will never be able to give all of yourself to your relationship. It sounds like both of you have got to try a little harder to spice things up and leave your past where it belongs. Good luck Hannah.