My boyfriend and I have been together for almost five years. Out of these five we've only been physically together for one, and the rest of the time we were long distance. I moved to Madrid to be with him and we've always talked about getting married.
Now that I'm here, he seems to be backing down a bit and I'm getting mixed messages. Granted, he recently lost his job and I'm about to change mine, so we aren't exactly on stable ground. But I really want to be married and have a family soon. I'm turning 30 in a month and I'm starting to feel old.
How do I know he's just worried about his career change and not insecure about our relationship? Could it be that I'm pushing too hard for us to get married? How can I relax and stop worrying about the big 30 and not having created a family yet. Desperate to Marry Mary
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Dear Desperate to Marry Mary
It's a new era now. 30 is the new 25 and no one is rushing to settle down as quickly as the old days. All you can really do is ask your boyfriend what he wants from a relationship and if he's considered marriage and a family with you.
Listen hard to the clues. If he's telling you that he wants the same things - but asking you to be patient with him, then you are going to have to trust him. If he's got 101 excuses about why he's not ready, then maybe you guys are on different pages and he's not the one.
Stressing about not having kids yet isn't going to get you anywhere. You've got to figure things out with him first. You don't want to be pregnant in Spain, unmarried and thinking that you might want to leave him! It's time for you to talk to him about a plan. Give him a time line that seems reasonable (not one month) for an engagement and see what he has to say.
If he doesn't come through, then you should think about leaving him and moving onto someone who's going to take you seriously. He's got to live up to his side of the bargain. Packing up and moving to Europe isn't like moving around the corner.