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I Feel Like I'm Not Good Enough

"Sometimes I Feel Like I'm Not Good Enough"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I'm going to warn you now, that this may end up being a rant.

OK, My boyfriend and I have been together for a year, and I've been living with him for several months, instead of having sex or doing sexual things with me, he waits till I walk out of the room, take a shower, or go to sleep, and then watches porn.  And sometimes bookmarks it, and everything he watches has girls that are prettier and skinnier then I am.  I'm big, like fat, (5'4" and 145 lbs) but I've lost a lot of weight for him, like 30 lbs, and I still weigh more than him,(5'8" 134 lbs) but about 10 pounds compared to 40 or so, and he likes skinny girls, he plays with my fat all of the time, and tells me I don't need to change, but then bitches when I say okay, I won't. Even though I really plan on changing, I just want to see if he's still going to bitch about me saying no.  He also doesn't like my boobs, or my vag, he says he wishes I was skinny, and had perky boobs, and I guess a bony vag so he can break his hips and my hips when he humps me.  My boobs were all the way up to a DD when I was at my fattest, and with that and losing so much weight, they do sag.  Not bad, but a little, he also talks shit about my teeth, hair, and nipples.

He gets mad at me super easily, and I'm pretty sure when he's mad, is when the truth comes out, he's talked to other girls before, like while we have been dating.  But not the way he talks to me, or anything that could be considered cheating, but when I confront him about being sneaky, he says it's nothing, that I'm just paranoid, but when I say I know it isn't that, he yells at me and says it's because he found someone he likes to talk to more than me, he also calls me a fatass and a whore everytime he gets mad at me.  And, I'm pretty sure this is all because I bought a car from a dude I dated, for like a week, years before I met my new bf.  So I asked him to quit talking to the girl, he says okay, and doesn't.  So finally months later I asked him to delete her number, and he did.  But since then things haven't been the same, he doesn't ever hold me anymore, or kiss me.  We still have sex, but that's all.  I honestly don't feel like I'm good enough.

On another note, sometimes when he's being really sweet, he said on a scale from 1-10, I'm a 9, and my weight is the only bad thing, so I really just don't get it.  If I am good enough, why would someone act like that??

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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