How Often Should You See a New Guy

Group Therapy: How Often Should I See My New Guy?

May 13, 2011

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

Early in a new relationship, say 1-3 months, how often do you typically see someone you're dating? And how much would you say is too much or not enough?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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16 Comments

dikke kus 2 years

If he knows your leaving for a week and then he hasn't seen you for another week on top of that, and he isn;t rushing to the phone to make sure he sees you then that is not a good sign. Maybe you should let him know you are not OK with that and see what he ays about it. Even early into a relationship, he should be able to let you know if he cares about you.

2 years

Well... I don't know what to tell you. I think it depends. I agree that if you chase guys they don't have to chase you. It's great that you have found someone you like to be around and that you enjoy being with them and look forward to seeing them. But it's important for them to want that too. And until you guys are mutually in a place where you can feel less vulnerable calling etc I would just relax. Everyone is different and if he can handle time apart for now I wouldn't read into it too much. The truth always reveals itself. And instead of obsessing over this guy you should be focusing on your fun trip and all the things you are looking forward too. I'm dating a guy. And after the first date I went out of town and when I got back we couldn't hang till the middle of the next week. So we just had out second date last week. And we might have another date Monday or Wednesday. And we texted right after the date. But I haven't heard from him since yesterday. And part of me is feeling insecure and very vulnerable to rejection, but I know that if I wait he'll have to come to me. And I think he likes me (whether it's a lot or a little I can't tell) but I can't freak out about this. That makes it no fun. So try to enjoy it rather than get twisted up about it. It'll work out. And if you've slept with him then you probably at some point need to have a conversation about it. And it's OK to say I don't think I can sleep with you unless this is going to be a relationship. That's the only way I'll be comfortable with this. Or whatever. Respect yourself and make him respect you too!

Helen Danger 2 years

@Secondstar: It's painful, but you gotta stop initiating dates. What made all those other guys want you so bad was the fact that they had to chase you. All you're doing by contacting this guy and saying you WANT to see him before you go is subtly communicating that he isn't doing enough for you and that you're unhappy with him. Which is pretty repellent, actually. Stop contacting him and get busy with other things. He'll call eventually. Probably later than you'll want him to. But the important thing is that he'll do it on his own, of his own volition. Get that pattern rolling again and you'll like the dynamic between you two much better.

Helen Danger 2 years

@Secondstar: It's painful, but you gotta stop initiating dates. What made all those other guys want you so bad was the fact that they had to chase you.All you're doing by contacting this guy and saying you WANT to see him before you go is subtly communicating that he isn't doing enough for you and that you're unhappy with him. Which is pretty repellent, actually.Stop contacting him and get busy with other things. He'll call eventually. Probably later than you'll want him to. But the important thing is that he'll do it on his own, of his own volition. Get that pattern rolling again and you'll like the dynamic between you two much better.

Helen Danger 2 years

Couple times a week is good.

Helen Danger 2 years

Couple times a week is good.

missmaryb 2 years

It depends on circumstances. In your case you've already slept with him, so I can see where that would leave you wanting more time. And are your expectations that you will become exclusive very soon? Are his? That is an issue you two need to iron out, b/c when people aren't on the same page there, feelings get hurt. I get the impression that you are more invested at this point than he is. His being busy and not seeming to care about not seeing you for 2 weeks makes me think that he's seeing this as a casual thing at this point. I wouldn't make any more effort to see him before you leave. If he wants to see you he will make sure to find a way. And if he whines that you didn't make any effort to see HIM, remind him that when he blows you off it makes you less likely to put yourself out there the next time around. I would just go away and enjoy yourself, see what he does. His reaction will give you a good answer.

AnonV 2 years

My answer before I read the OP's 2nd post: My husband and I were like that the first few months we started dating because our schedules were kinda all over the place. We both had to travel a lot during that time, so I know the feeling of "ahh, I'm not going to see him for 2 weeks!". Then you gave us more info. I'm with JoeTyndall, I need some more info. However, staying true to my opinionated form..... You screwed him too soon and now you're feeling milky. Not that he's using you or anything, but it seems that you want more exclusivity but you're cool with sleeping with him without even visiting the idea because you don't want to seem clingy? Screw that (no pun intended). Talk to him about where the relationship is going and what does it all mean. You have a right to ask that. When my husband and I first slept together, we exclusive. I asked what THIS was before I let him feel me up. Mind you, I had a bad divorce under my belt and my oldest girls were young. So I didn't want to be willy nilly with anyone, and I couldn't afford to get emotionally attached to a guy (sex does that) for him to say some BS like, "We're just having fun, right?" All this is to say, think about what you want from this guy. He might not be so ready to jump into a relationship, but you need to know so that you're not putting all your chickens in one basket.

AnonV 2 years

My answer before I read the OP's 2nd post:My husband and I were like that the first few months we started dating because our schedules were kinda all over the place. We both had to travel a lot during that time, so I know the feeling of "ahh, I'm not going to see him for 2 weeks!".Then you gave us more info.I'm with JoeTyndall, I need some more info.However, staying true to my opinionated form.....You screwed him too soon and now you're feeling milky. Not that he's using you or anything, but it seems that you want more exclusivity but you're cool with sleeping with him without even visiting the idea because you don't want to seem clingy?Screw that (no pun intended). Talk to him about where the relationship is going and what does it all mean. You have a right to ask that.When my husband and I first slept together, we exclusive. I asked what THIS was before I let him feel me up. Mind you, I had a bad divorce under my belt and my oldest girls were young. So I didn't want to be willy nilly with anyone, and I couldn't afford to get emotionally attached to a guy (sex does that) for him to say some BS like, "We're just having fun, right?"All this is to say, think about what you want from this guy. He might not be so ready to jump into a relationship, but you need to know so that you're not putting all your chickens in one basket.

JoeTyndall 2 years

Second Star, I'm sorry if I'm annoying you by keep coming back to this, but I feel it is important in order to answer your original question. You sleep with the guy but the relationship is not exclusive? You are free to sleep with him on a Friday and sleep with someone else on a Saturday? And he has the same freedom?

JoeTyndall 2 years

secondstar 2 years

I'm the OP. I was trying to avoid writing a novel, but here's the full story. We've been dating right about 2 months now, and just started sleeping together. We haven't had and discussion yet about being exclusive (which I'm fine with, since it's so early). We only see eachother maybe once a week, if not less. Guys I've dated in the past have all been more clingy, wanting to spend every second together. Now, I did get sick of those guys, but still I'm not used to this much space. It doesn't help that we've both been very busy recently. When we first started seeing each other he would complain that he has to do all the work, always being the one to ask me out. But I feel like everytime I ask and he's busy that I'm being too pushy or nagging. Again, I'm used to guys that do all the pushing so I'm not great at this. And the big reason I'm stressing now: I'm going out of town for over a week and leave tomorrow. We hung out last weekend, but I'd like to see him again before I leave. When I asked him earlier in the week he was busy, and I feel like I'm being clingy if I ask him again. But it concerns me that he'd be okay with not seeing me for over 2 weeks, because I really like him and I'm not okay with that. Basically I suck at relationships and now I'm being irrational and driving myself crazy over this. ps...sorry for the typos, trying to sneak-write this on my phone at work :P

secondstar 2 years

I'm the OP. I was trying to avoid writing a novel, but here's the full story.We've been dating right about 2 months now, and just started sleeping together. We haven't had and discussion yet about being exclusive (which I'm fine with, since it's so early). We only see eachother maybe once a week, if not less. Guys I've dated in the past have all been more clingy, wanting to spend every second together. Now, I did get sick of those guys, but still I'm not used to this much space. It doesn't help that we've both been very busy recently.When we first started seeing each other he would complain that he has to do all the work, always being the one to ask me out. But I feel like everytime I ask and he's busy that I'm being too pushy or nagging. Again, I'm used to guys that do all the pushing so I'm not great at this.And the big reason I'm stressing now: I'm going out of town for over a week and leave tomorrow. We hung out last weekend, but I'd like to see him again before I leave. When I asked him earlier in the week he was busy, and I feel like I'm being clingy if I ask him again. But it concerns me that he'd be okay with not seeing me for over 2 weeks, because I really like him and I'm not okay with that.Basically I suck at relationships and now I'm being irrational and driving myself crazy over this.ps...sorry for the typos, trying to sneak-write this on my phone at work :P

Rjs baby girl 2 years

I'd say that there is no rule for that. If you guys are both happy with the amount and quality of time you spend together, that's what matters. Some relationships move faster than others and there's nothing wrong with going slow or fast, as long as it feels right for both of you.

JoeTyndall 2 years

A couple important questions: Is this an exclusive relationship? Are you 'going steady' with this guy? Are you sleeping with this guy? ~~~ The answers to these questions make a big difference in answering your original question.

JoeTyndall 2 years

A couple important questions:Is this an exclusive relationship? Are you 'going steady' with this guy?Are you sleeping with this guy?~~~The answers to these questions make a big difference in answering your original question.

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