ok so #1, her boyfriend is a selfish jerk if he literally is like "I'm tired and over this". that's a red flag for me.

I don't get an o every time, but I'd say up in the 90% range. I know what I want and need and my boyfriend is attentive to those. when I am not able to, it isn't about his failings or mine, it just wasn't meant to be that time. I think the issue is less about expectations of how many times or how often, but how this girl's boyfriend views her needs, if at all. like I said, he sounds like a selfish jerk.

With my boyfriend? Never. It's depressing as hell but he does try his best.

Every time is def not a lot to ask, at least once is expected. I know that's probably not the case for every girl, but I usually have multiples so we'd have to be in a pretty big hurry to quit before one.

I never expect to orgasm with my boyfriend because I never have.

I find it kind of surprising that so many people are okay with not.. and I also find it pretty depressing that more women wont take control of your O. I find the posters boyfriend to be a bit of a jerk, if he isn't even willing to take the time to make sure you orgasm during sex, he most absolutely won't be fulfilling all of your needs and the responsibilities of life in other ways as time goes on.

That being said, get yourself involved. If you find it hard to come from penetration stimulation alone, get a vibrator, or use your hand. There is absolutely no shame in it. Why in the hell would you not want to make sure you get yours as well? Its a mutual act, something you're sharing.. not making sure its fulfilling for you is pretty much like lying there and letting him pound away whenever he feels like it. Im not saying you absolutely need an orgasm every time for sex to be fulfilling as a blanket statement for every person and situation, but in regards to this situation, it obviously is important for you. I personally wouldn't have sex unless I knew an orgasm was a definite. I'm not interested in riding the high without a climax to come down from. I feel too keyed up and uncomfortable.

I agree, MissSushi! It's good to help out, and it might give him some hints, too. He may not be a selfish jerk, he might just think you don't care if you're not even trying to contribute to your own enjoyment.

It's actually different with me and my boyfriend, he's much better at getting me to orgasm than I can get him to. He says that as long as I'm happy, so is he.

I can't come every time. There are definitely nights were the desire is not there, so I will give him an orgasm and not want one in return. Last night our puppy would not stop whining in the next room, and it just killed the mood for me. It's somewhat random.

And, as long as I'm oversharing in this thread - vibrators seem to have this awesome reputation, but I can't seem to orgasm with one. Am I doing something wrong? It feels great at first, but it can't push me over the edge.

i definitely don't expect to orgasm every time because i'm not always in the mood to do so--sometimes it's so intense i feel too exhausted afterwards.

with your boyfriend, he should be very attentive and try to give you an o at least... cause every woman deserves to be taken care of! if you've never had an o, then you have to figure it out first... because if you can't do it yourself, he has no chance of figuring it out. i had sex for four years before i had my first o and it kind of came out of the blue. then i just replicated the awesomeness. so why don't you get comfy with your hand and take some time alone. =)

I don't every time. I'm more about the journey not the destination. My partner use to think something was wrong after he did and I didn't but what I had to get him to accept is that's okay with me I still had a great time.

I guess I'm lucky -- every time. I get multiple orgasms.

definitely every time. it really bothers my bf if i don't.

It bothers my boyfriend too, TidalWave, even when I've told him I'm fine with not reaching an orgasm every time. Sometimes I'm just not in the right state of mind, or I just want to be able to give without receiving... It's not usually a problem though anyway.

I don't think the orgasm is the be all and end all of sex, but I think good communication is the key to getting the most out of your love life. You're missing something without it. If you can get yourself off, there's not reason your boyfriend shouldn't be able to, too, unless he really doesn't care to.

Going Anon. on this one. I agree with Mamasitamali and Miss Sushi here. Looking at some of the other posts, I see a lot of defeatist assumptions!

Like most women, it was clear early on that I was not going to have an orgasm through penetration. I was shy at first about bringing about alternatives, and in turn rarely had an O with my bf. I now have no trouble telling my bf what I want and he appreciates the guidance. It's certainly not like he was trying to prevent me from having satisfying sex before (and definitely tried to please me), he just needed more info!

The alternate ways of getting there are often just as intimate, if not more, vaginal penetration (which I still very much enjoy). For instance, at the risk of being TMI, I LOVE when he masturbates me because he can hold me and kiss me at the same time. An O is an O no matter how you get there.

Like others have noted, certainly there are times when I'm too stressed or distracted or something and I'm fine with him getting one and not me. And my bf and I do not treat sex as merely a means to an end. But I think you'll find that the more you get in touch with, and communicate, your needs, the better it is for you as a couple generally, both in terms of sex and intimacy (not the same things!).

I expect to every time with my bf. But if he doesn't make me, I do it on my own.

Usually he does though.

I expect 7 out o 10 times. Honestly, we're busy parents; so, we know that one of us will have an off night.

Well, I think the whole point of a sexual encounter is to try and get everyone involved to the pinnacle level of pleasure. I emphasize TRY, because well...things can go wrong. But why would you let that happen ALL THE TIME? Or even the majority of the time? Some of you are having sex and the person you're with NEVER gave you orgasms? If you kept losing a game, wouldn't you try a different tactic? Sex isn't a game, obviously, but that doesn't change the fact that having an orgasm-less sex life is clearly an issue (unless you like having an orgasm-less sex life, of course).

Women are made differently, and require stimulation 2 to 3 times longer than a man, but I don't see how that stops you from having orgasms. Real communication (in and out of bed) does actually work...because if none of us are mind-readers, then the job ain't gonna get done. Otherwise, why have sex?

I'd say I get off half the time and I feel quite satisfied. I don't worry about comparing numbers with my boyfriend since I know he wants to please me. He gets off way more than I do, but he is eager to please me, and that's what matters.

I don't think the boyfriend has very much to do with my orgasm anyway. Yes, I get off when we have sex, but it's because I know what to do and I actively make it happen. I think unsatisfied women should try to help themselves in bed. They probably don't realize that their orgasm is in their control. I used to think the guy was going to "give" me an orgasm, but it doesn't work like that. You have to work with him and know what to do. Otherwise you will never orgasm during sex.

I don't expect to have an orgasm everytime but I almost always do. The times I don't are the times where my mind is elsewhere and I'm distracted. It's not by any fault of my bf. I've never had to give the guy a single instruction. He has always touched me in just the right spot and he is the only guy to get me there with penetration alone. Yeah, I'm holding onto him.
I agree that a guy who isn't interested in pleasing you sexually is not going to be interested in pleasing you in other ways. I personally couldn't stay with a man that wasn't a giver and had no interest in my desires. Sexual compatibility is very important.

I must be lucky, I orgasm nearly every time. Maybe 2-3 times have I not orgasmed. No wonder so many women aren't having sex as often as their partners would like!

i do every time as well. it would drive me crazy if I had sex and didn't have one as I think its quite an uncomfortable feeling....

I can think of only a handful of times - less than what I can count on one hand - that I haven't had an orgasm during sex, and that's counting the night I lost my virginity.

I think I'm the oddball, though, because I've always been able to finish via penetration. And again, since we're all oversharing on this thread .... am I the only one who *doesn't* masturbate? I just don't enjoy it at all ...

GlowingMoon, me too!! Every time, multiple times. Hee hee!

I climax around 97% of the time in partner sex, usually from oral. On occasion I will also use a vibey with a lover if they are comfortable with it. When it doesn't work it is usually because i can't switch off from work or other things.

I also need my own "me time" and when playing solo I hit the spot almost every time.

With regard to Spacekatgal finding vibeys not working, I suggest if she hasn't dome so she tries a different make/brand. Some just don't do it and sadly, there's no satisfaction guarantee. Look for a quiet one too, I find noisy ones to be akin to having a cement mixer in the bedroom and can throw you off the stroke.

For lovers to assist our orgasm in every way possible is our right (and of course the same applies visa versa too!).

My boyfriend always, and I mean always, puts my orgasm first. This is because he knows that I can have multiple orgasms in a night and so he makes sure that I get mine first and then we get his second. The best way for me to orgasm is by oral sex. He finds pleasure in pleasuring me and will usually bring me to orgasm many times before we have intercourse. I think I may be exceptionally lucky, but it is not a lot to ask from your boo to please you first. I never had to ask, it is just the loving man he is, but maybe your man doesn't know how you feel. He isn't a mind reader. Here is a hint: tell him pleasing you down there will make you wetter and he will better enjoy sex if he stimulates you first. If you a woman that can have multiple orgasms, it will be easy for both of you to climax in one night. Good luck, sugars!

Don't hint, they don't get it - be direct!

I expect it all the time! It would drive me crazy if I didn't. Sometimes you gotta help the guy out and do it yourself.

this is the rule: if u dont make me have an orgasm first...ur not getting any....and if u cant figure it out.... i have ur "replacement" in the drawer with fresh batteries!

spacekatgal....get on that multitasks..like a rabbit ..and one that has a nice texture dont forget a 40pk of batteries..lol:)

My orgasm is definitely not a priority in the bedroom. I'm frustrated at times, but know I can't orgasm during sex and the only thing that does the job is a vibrator. It is an ego blow to my guy, but that's how I was built. A few years ago I purchased my first vib, but didn't bring it into the bedroom regularly until about a year ago. He's exhausted after he's done it, so I just take care of it myself. To be completely honest, he gets frustrated because it takes me so long. That stress makes me take much longer and it's to a point where I would rather be alone when it happens. He also has no idea how to arouse me when I'm trying to orgasm and ends up bother me more than anything. When I try to tell him what I like, he gets defensive. Our sex life started off great, but he's become more impatient and that combined with my lack of sex drive from the pill is a bad combo. Lately I've been trying hard to "fix" the problems, I hope I can.

Glowingmoon: "I guess I'm lucky -- every time. I get multiple orgasms."

*shoots you evil, jealous look*