How Do You Know When It's Time to Break Up

Group Therapy: I've Lost Interest in My Boyfriend

February 24, 2011

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

Hi, my name is Amber, and I'm 21. I've been in a great relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years now. I recently got a new job, and I work with a lot of guys my age.

Several of the guys are into me, which I have no problem brushing off. Although I do enjoy the attention, as ever since I've been in this relationship, I've lost all my guy friends. (My boyfriend is very insecure.) There is this one guy who I work with though that I can't help but have a huge crush on. He's SO cute I can't even stand it, and I can't help but flirt with him. I would never cheat on my boyfriend though.

Anyways, ever since I got this job, I feel like I've lost interest in my boyfriend. I never want to have sex. I don't listen to him. Sometimes, it annoys me when he complains, and I can be kind of mean to him. I just feel like I don't care about him as much anymore. I also feel like I'm being smothered; I can't even add a guy on Facebook without him flipping out.

This is a guy I could see myself marrying, so it saddens me that I'm suddenly losing interest in him. But then again, I'm so young, and I want to be wild again before I'm locked down for the rest of my life. What can I do? Or does this mean it's just not meant to be? I don't really have any friends, so I'd be pretty much alone if we broke up, which I'm willing to face if need be. I'm just so confused.

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22 Comments

petitbijoux 2 years 13 weeks

Women/Girls who are totally in love and want to get married to someone are generally not interested in other guys no matter how cute they are. We may notice them but we don't care. Of course your bf doesn't want you adding guys to face book cause you'll probably end up sending cutesy flirty messages back and forth. His jealousy and insecurities may be turning you off because he's probably going about it in an immature way but he is picking up a vibe from you that you aren't totally into him. Everyone is right you need to break it off with him but be gentle. Go travel, see the world, make friends. You are 21 for pete' sake. Sheez

secondstar 2 years 13 weeks

It's time to end it. You're going through a big transition with you job, and now you see that you do have other options. I'm sure he's picking up on that, pushing his jealous tendencies into full gear. You know what you want to do, now it's just time to bite the bullet.

LorenaBathey 2 years 13 weeks

We all know what we should do. Our hearts scream it at us. But yet we also feel like we owe people so we stay in bad relationships, jobs, etc. If you are attracted to other people that is the sure fire way to know that you aren't in love with your boyfriend anymore. It is time to be honest with him. Tell him also that part of the reason your feelings have changed is that he is insecure and that is not attractive to you.Then leave politely and move on to the rest of your life. You are in the time of your life when you can focus on your fun, your job, and don't have as many responsiblities weighing on you. Go enjoy dating, travel, and living your life. You have plenty of time for the right one to make his way to you.

LorenaBathey 2 years 13 weeks

We all know what we should do. Our hearts scream it at us. But yet we also feel like we owe people so we stay in bad relationships, jobs, etc. If you are attracted to other people that is the sure fire way to know that you aren't in love with your boyfriend anymore. It is time to be honest with him. Tell him also that part of the reason your feelings have changed is that he is insecure and that is not attractive to you. Then leave politely and move on to the rest of your life. You are in the time of your life when you can focus on your fun, your job, and don't have as many responsiblities weighing on you. Go enjoy dating, travel, and living your life. You have plenty of time for the right one to make his way to you.

onlysourcherry 2 years 13 weeks

Break up with him and sow your wild oats. In that order.

Helen Danger 2 years 13 weeks

You don't have to flirt with anyone. That's a choice. Your job isn't forcing you. Nor is this one dude's irresistible cuteness. Your attitude about that is likely to make your future partners feel insecure. And the ones who stick around will get controlling on you.I'ts obvious that a fairly ugly breakup is in the works here. Try to be as gentle and thoughtful as you can about it. Make the break as clean as possible.I don't get that you're accepting any responsibility for your relationship falling apart. So, until you've decided to look more closely at your role in this, I'd recommend staying single--and enjoying it!

Helen Danger 2 years 13 weeks

You don't have to flirt with anyone. That's a choice. Your job isn't forcing you. Nor is this one dude's irresistible cuteness. Your attitude about that is likely to make your future partners feel insecure. And the ones who stick around will get controlling on you. I'ts obvious that a fairly ugly breakup is in the works here. Try to be as gentle and thoughtful as you can about it. Make the break as clean as possible. I don't get that you're accepting any responsibility for your relationship falling apart. So, until you've decided to look more closely at your role in this, I'd recommend staying single--and enjoying it!

wolfpackgal 2 years 13 weeks

This is exactly what happened with my last boyfriend. We were together for a year and a half, and I eventually became indifferent about him. Little things would annoy me, I didn't miss him when he was gone, etc. He was very jealous and I lost all of my guy friends as well. I broke up with him, because I didn't feel that our relationship made me a better person. He was holding me back from a full life, and that may be what your bf is doing. These things happen when you're growing up, you're still young. It may just not be the right relationship for you,

snarkypants 2 years 13 weeks

break up with him. break up with him. break up with him. break up with him. break up with him. break up with him. break up with him. break up with him. break up with him. break up with him. break up with him. break up with him.

postmodernsleaze 2 years 13 weeks

Sounds as if this relationship of yours has fizzled out. I'd seriously consider breaking up with your boyfriend. It's not fair for you to feel smothered and uninterested and it's not fair to him to feel picked on and so insecure. Time for you both to move on to bigger and better things!

peekwell 2 years 13 weeks

oh girl, i was in the exact same position once. just as CCln said, the fact that this is happening doesn't mean either of you are bad people or in the wrong - this is just something that happens, relationships run their course - it would be wrong for you to stay in a relationship that is making you unhappy.what worries me most about this is that you don't have any good girlfriends to rely on. i would suggest breaking it off with your guy, because that's the right thing to do - and before you worry about that other dude at work, try making some girlfriends at work. no matter what boys come and go, your girlfriends are always there for you, and having good ones is invaluable.

peekwell 2 years 13 weeks

oh girl, i was in the exact same position once. just as CCln said, the fact that this is happening doesn't mean either of you are bad people or in the wrong - this is just something that happens, relationships run their course - it would be wrong for you to stay in a relationship that is making you unhappy. what worries me most about this is that you don't have any good girlfriends to rely on. i would suggest breaking it off with your guy, because that's the right thing to do - and before you worry about that other dude at work, try making some girlfriends at work. no matter what boys come and go, your girlfriends are always there for you, and having good ones is invaluable.

Vanonymous 2 years 13 weeks

I agree with some of the others. Don't feel bad - these things happen (especially at your age). You've just emotionally moved on. Almost the same exact thing happened with me - I was 20 and in a relationship for 1 1/2 years... and once I started hanging around other groups of friends (including other dudes), I started finding everything my bf did to be annoying. I broke it off. A few months later I started dating one of those other dudes... it's 6 years later and we're getting married in June. Trust your instincts. :)

kimmieb124 2 years 13 weeks

From what you're saying, it sounds like this relationship has run it's course and it's time for you to move on. You are young, and if you have the urge to be wild, then you need to take the time to do that before settling down with anyone. If it's really meant to be with this guy, you two will find each other again, but you need to take a break now.

KateAthens 2 years 13 weeks

Your boyfriend have reasons to be insecure. You got a new job so you're probably at a better position than him. So he's getting desperate and you find it pathetic! Happened to me too. Probably this wont end well. Just be gentle when you tell him you need to move on with your life!

KateAthens 2 years 13 weeks

CCLn 2 years 13 weeks

O girlie, it sounds like you've emotionally moved on from the relationship. Not saying you don't care about your bf anymore, but you've drifted away from the relationship. And things like this happens, and not because you two are not good people, or bad for each other, it's just the wrong time for you.Now. You KNOW what's the hard and right thing to do. If I were you, I would try to end it while it's still amicable. Be like...a grown up about it. It'll hurt him less too (in the end) rather than breaking up when you two are at your worst.

CCLn 2 years 13 weeks

O girlie, it sounds like you've emotionally moved on from the relationship. Not saying you don't care about your bf anymore, but you've drifted away from the relationship. And things like this happens, and not because you two are not good people, or bad for each other, it's just the wrong time for you. Now. You KNOW what's the hard and right thing to do. If I were you, I would try to end it while it's still amicable. Be like...a grown up about it. It'll hurt him less too (in the end) rather than breaking up when you two are at your worst.

popgoestheworld 2 years 13 weeks

Sounds like your boyfriend has good reason to be insecure. So what if you're not doing the actual act of kissing or sleeping with someone else? You're not interested in him physically, you're mean to him etc. The hard thing - and the right thing - to do is to break up with your boyfriend. Do not let fear of being alone keep you in a bad relationship. Repeat that to yourself until you believe it.

popgoestheworld 2 years 13 weeks

BiWife 2 years 13 weeks

You should be able to be friends with whomever you please. However, if you're crossing a line and emotionally cheating on your bf with a guy at work, then he has every right to show concern over other guys you're friends with. Figure out what you want & whether or not a bf with insecurities like this is someone you want in your life.

Rory1225 2 years 13 weeks

Your boyfriend sounds very controlling and jealous. Why would you want to be with someone who can't trust you and who you aren't really into anymore? I think that regardless of what could be with the new guy, you should break up with your bf.

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