How to Deal With Distant Boyfriend

TrèsSugar Q + A: Distant Boyfriend

May 28, 2010

How do you get a distant boyfriend to snap out of it? That's the tough situation a reader just shared in our community group TrèsSugar Q +A. She writes:

My boyfriend is very distant from me. We don't talk as much anymore and I want to get him to want to talk to me all the time. Help!

One commenter already offered her advice, saying that it's easiest "to get him to talk not when he is watching his favorite team play or reading an important email from work, but when he is not distracted and the focus in on you both." What advice would you offer?

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8 Comments

femmetronic1 2 years 45 weeks

Some people just don't have much to say sometimes. Try not to take it personally. If it bothers you that much ask him in a non-defensive way - like "Is there something wrong? You're very quiet. I hope I didn't do anything to offend you".

karlotta 2 years 50 weeks

1. You sound crazy, clingy, controlling and stalker-ish when you say "I want to get him to want to talk to me all the time". Seriously? NOT NORMAL! 2. The only way to get someone's attention when they're distancing themselves is not to "talk", cry, beg, grovel, cling, and try desperately. The only way is to ignore them back. By being busy with your own interesting stuff, though - not playing games or doing some other guy. Be interesting and aloof, he'll come running back.

totygoliguez 2 years 50 weeks

I agree with the first comment. Being distance usually means that the person wants to break up.

runningesq 2 years 50 weeks

want to get him to want to talk to me all the time. Why do you want him to talk to you ALL of the time? I love my husband but I also like my space. Reminds me of the SATC epi where Carrie and Aidan move in together and he starts with all the questions when she walks in the door and needs some time to decompress.

mallorycurtis 2 years 50 weeks

if he's always been like this, maybe he's just an introvert. some people don't like to talk all the time and would rather just think. if it just started, i'd sit him down away from distractions and ask him if something is wrong. he might have something going on in his life that is preoccupying him. this happened once with my boyfriend so i asked him and found out his family was going through some things that were bumming him out. so i let him know that i was there if he needed someone to talk to and gave him a little space. that seemed to do the trick.

kurniakasih 2 years 50 weeks

I agree with French Kiss. I also think that it's part of someone distancing from a relationship. 1) he's trying to get away from the relationship with you 2) he's mad at you (I don't know you guys, but did you happen to p!ss him off but you didn't know it? 3) he's depressed 4) he's tired because you engage in him communication like non-stop (outside sleeping hours) even during his favorite shows/games. Why do you want to talk to him all the time? <--all the time sounds excessive-->I mean, as much as I love talking I need my quiet time too. Oh. How about ASK HIM why he's distancing himself from you and tell him unless he's being honest about his answers, you'll keep making him go through those long serious conversation with you..DURING the NBA finals, his WoW game time, and so on ;)

Chrstne 2 years 50 weeks

Not talking doesn't necessarily mean distance. Not talking can simply mean that he is just not a very good conversationalist, or perhaps that he has nothing to say in general. If you're trying to get him to talk about purses and body lotion - what do you expect him to say? If you're trying to talk psychology, he might not be interested. If you want to have a real conversation, it's best to start a conversation about a subject that actually matters to the both of you or interests the both of you. Have you asked about that cool project that he did at work or about something you don't understand? Sometimes conversation topics get recycled and become incredibly boring. By now he knows that you really hate the move Breakfast at Tiffany's or that you think that string theory is absolute BS. He probably doesn't want to keep talking about crap that he's already heard. Try to find things you have not touched on very much, and ask questions. You're more likely to get some conversation out of him if you approach it that way.

French Kiss 2 years 50 weeks

Hm in france the most used way to quit someone is to ignore the person you're with... So be careful it's not a message from him =/ But sorry i don't have any advice.... =S Which doesn't mean there is not, just i've ever been in that situation.

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