How Can I Get Over My Relationship?

"I Feel Numb After My Breakup"

September 15, 2012

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My boyfriend and I had been together for the better part of four years. Admittedly, the relationship had some real problems which we recently decided we couldn't fix. We thought if we kept trying to force the relationship to work, we'd just keep making each other unhappy.

Now though, I just feel numb. It's as though my brain doesn't recognize that we've ended things. I cried while we were talking, but now I don't really know how to process my emotions. I'm not being masochistic, but I don't know how to feel like we've broken up. I recognize that there are emotions I need to work through, I just don't know how to get to them.

Maybe, because for the last year we were long distance, I feel numb because it's not like the breakup suddenly ripped him out of my life. Does that mean that until I see him and then he leaves I will still feel in limbo? I just don't want to stay in some emotional holding pattern forever because we couldn't make things work. Does anyone have any advice for me?

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4 Comments

Casey111 34 weeks 6 days

Aw girl, I've been where you are, too - as many of the ladies here have probably been also. It's definitely emotional shock, as those above me have mentioned. For me, when my first love and I broke up - it didn't feel real for a very long time. I kept expecting him to call me, and constantly fought (and lost) the urge to call him. I just kept thinking that one day I would wake up and it would all be a nightmare: it wasn't. We had been long distance when we broke up also (I was away at college). When I came home sometimes on the weekend, the first thing that would happen was seeing him. Well.. I eventually came home and got this feeling of enormous empty because I finally *knew* that there wasn't going to be a kiss and a hug waiting for me, and that I was on my own. Let me tell you: hysterics. For DAYS. Nevermind days, WEEKS. Totally inconsolable. Eventually I came to terms with the fact that I had to move on if I ever wanted to be whole again, and very slowly I did. Unfortunately - your feelings of loss could hit you at any time - and that seems like a normal process to me. Just don't deny yourself that you are allowed to be upset - you are totally allowed to be upset. Good luck, lady!

Bubbles12 35 weeks 1 day

You're in emotional shock and as Henna says, time alone isn't going to heal a broken heart. Healing requires a lot of patience, kindness and nurturing from yourself for yourself. And fun, that becomes very important too. In my book being not quite feeling yourself for two years is a reasonable expectation after a big romantic shock. Unless you were 'breaking up' with him emotionally while you were still together.

neeetu 35 weeks 2 days

Initially it happens..i know because same thing has happened with me too but slowly with time you'll able to accept the fact and move on. its not easy but its also not impossible. if i could come out of it..you can too. its just that for a while you have to change your focus to your own passion...things you love to do..pamper yourself..yoga also helps a lot. Give yourself some time and u'll see u'll be fine. If u r alive..that means there is a hope..hope for better future..better life and better life partner.

henna red 35 weeks 2 days

Hey Darlin', I'm sorry about the end of your relationship. After 4 years that's just got to feel awful. I'm wondering if you have a friend close? Someone that you can cuddle up with and unwind? It sounds to me as though you are self protecting. Your mind is keeping those painful emotions submerged, because it doesn't want to face them, face the hurt. I'm thinking that you need to be in a safe place with people you love who love you and whom you trust, to help you open yourself to those emotions. Girl, you need a soft place to land, a place where there will be people who will hold you as you cry, and listen to you talk about him and the problems and the breakup. Do you have a place like that? It sounds to me as though you need to fall apart, and have friends and family to help you pick yourself up afterwards. Can you reach out, give a call, have someone over or have someone get you to a friend's or family home? I like to wail. Well, I don't like it, it's scary, but it helps to get really dreadful emotions out....expression. I have some trouble doing that in front of other people, but I can do it when they're close by, and can hear me, and then come and hold me. Wail, let it out. I open a door in myself and just really look at what just happened, full on, and that wail just comes right up the back of my throat and out, and the tears start.....it's a bit a broken inhibition, getting that first one out.....it's very therapuetic, expression. Particularly if you just let it go....that's a hard thing to do because we're taught not to do that, a social no no. Some cultures have hired wailers...I always weep sympatheticaly....if someone is hurt and crying, I'm going to cry too. And crying will help you to rest.....tears have an enzyme in them that makes you feel tired, a survival response....if something hurts you enough to make you cry, you probably need to speep to give your body some time to heal. But if you try the wailing, be sure that someone knows, if you're around anyone who can hear, or you'll freak people out. That's why it's good to have friends around also, to let anyone else know that you're being cared for, and it's ok. Wish I could be there for ya, sweetie. I hope someone else can be. take good care

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