When I was 16, I dated John on and off again for about a year and a half. We had amazing chemistry and a great friendship. The problem was that he couldn't stay monogamous to me. I finally decided to break up with him. A few months later, I met my current boyfriend. The other day I ran into John and we had a long talk. It made me realize how much I missed him and remembered the way we were. There was never any real closure between us and I think about him all the time. He has been in college for about 2 years now and seems so grown up. He says he has changed and realizes how immature cheating was, and I just don't know whether to believe him or not. We haven't actually talked about anything more than being friends, but I just can't stop thinking about us as a couple. Part of me wants to see if we could give it another try. I dont' want to ruin my relationship with my boyfriend - it would break his heart and he means the world to me. Now I'm starting to feel guilty thinking about John and about talking to him behind my boyfriend's back. Even though nothing is going on, I know it's wrong since I have deeper feelings. Please help. I don't know what to do about my boyfriend or John? So Confused
Dear So Confused
It's normal to see an ex and all of a sudden have certain feelings stirred up. You didn't have any closure, you were very much in love with him -- but he cheated on you. So are your feelings more about getting the closure you missed out on or about wanting to date him again? You don't even know if he's single, but that's not really the issue. OK, how are things with you and your current boyfriend? If they were fabulous then you wouldn't look twice at someone else, so that's the first place to start. I am not going to tell you to explore things with John and see where it leads. Not only would that make you a cheater, but if John knows you have a boyfriend, you're only excusing his behavior by doing the same thing that he did. Here's what I think; once a cheater, always a cheater. I wouldn't trust him again.