Have You Ever Experienced a Post-Holiday Breakup?

January 12, 2010

If there's no great time for a breakup, right now would be a good time. The holidays are over, and there is still time before Valentine's Day. Parting ways now spares the unwilling partner from going through the lovey-dovey motions of Feb. 14. And while it might be hard for the dumpee to face the romantic holiday, who wants to celebrate Valentine's Day with someone who's not fully committed to the relationship?

Has this ever happened to you? Feel free to share your experience in the comments.

21 Comments

3 years 17 weeks

Hello everyone, I am so happy to read all your posts and the experiences you have all gone through. I just got back from Holiday on the 20th Janaury, of course with my boyfriend. We were away for a whole month and he took me to the best places, from New York, to London, the caribbean, Miami and just too many to mention. He treated me well at times, spoiling me and buying me everything. We have been dating for a year and half now but with many if not continuous ups and downs. He is very moody and gets angry over the smallest issue, a good example is me ordering a meal in a restaurant and he gets angry at me & starts screaming??? WTF? I thought girls behave like that? I reached a point now where I am too scared to say anything because he just blows up over nothing. I have liked him, we were friends and then I decided to date him. But within 5 weeks into the relationship he started treating me like crap. That should have been a warning sign but of course as we woman believe, things will change, "perhaps he is just a bit stressed." But those stunts were followed by guilt on his part. So then I am taken on shopping trips and bought the best of clothes, shoes, bags. I noticed the pattern. While my love and respect for him was dying I just focused on the shopping which I will admit made me feel better. It is now 4 days since we got back, he left a day before me from London and I the next morning. I have not heard from him. Something happened in London, nothing I can remember but he suddenly got all annoyed and angry with me (like he always does) and was very rude before he left. I had reached a point of "enough" of crap from an old man like him. So I told him that is he wants me to f^&k off this time, I will just leave. I did not mention the emotional games and abuse he played all year, just telling me very practically, "if you do not like the way I am or live, then you are welcome to leave." Many times on trips he asked me to pack up and leave. Do normal men behave like this? I really do believe that maybe this guy has a personality disorder like bipolar. There are extreme highs and lows with him. I did not care to call him all week as I am so tired of his grumpiness and moodiness. So before leaving last night he calls to tell me this is not working. I told him it totally fine, as I said in London, that it is not working out. I cannot be a with man that acts like a girl all the time. We waited for me to run after him this week, like I have always done. I am the mature one, always calling to talk and sort out our issues. He always flee, runs away. He has no backbone to stay and talk like an adult. So this time I took my self-worth and respect back. I will not allow a man to treat me that way and nor am I going to run after a man and try make it work when all he does is demean me and is always nasty. I am a gorgeous young women, he is a an old man, not attractive at all. he should be grateful that I even went out with him. But he has not respect for woman. All I can remember is that nothing happened in London and he has just disappeared. Fled again. That is why I am on this site. I have heard that couples break up after the holidays and perhaps being with me for a month must have sitrred something in him. We have a long distance relationship anyway so this month was a test for us. So I have let him go, I feel great. I am still trying to figure out what I did wrong but then I realize it is him not me. I am now single, gorgeous and happy. I believe I won't be single for too long, I will be snatched up by some gorgeous man who knows how to be a MAN. And my EX is just getting older, fatter and miserable. I enjoyed reading all your posts so please keep it coming. Why do we allow men to behave badly? It's time we take our self-worth and respect back. Don't stick around thinking it will get better. I stuck around for over a year when I knew from the begining this man is not for me. You will know - just look within and see how this man make you feel, not in your heart but in your GUT - it always tells you the truth. Stay beautiful and powerful! Miss fabulousity

robinlh912 3 years 18 weeks

First real boyfriend like 2 or 3 days before Valentine's Day. Luckily I had some great friends who took me out to lunch the next day to help keep my mind off things. Oh high school!

dexaholic 3 years 18 weeks

Veka, that's the same thing that happened to me. He just shut down and wouldn't talk to me. He would barely look at me. I guess that's a warning to all you girls out there - if you boyfriend/fiance/husband starts to become distant and ignore you, look out!! And thanks Mix Tape. I'm surprising myself at how well I'm handling all this. Maybe it's because I have been anticipating the breakup for so long. I'm definitely excited for what is to come! Thankfully I'm only 30 and have my whole life ahead of me!!

dexaholic 3 years 18 weeks

Veka, that's the same thing that happened to me. He just shut down and wouldn't talk to me. He would barely look at me.I guess that's a warning to all you girls out there - if you boyfriend/fiance/husband starts to become distant and ignore you, look out!!And thanks Mix Tape. I'm surprising myself at how well I'm handling all this. Maybe it's because I have been anticipating the breakup for so long. I'm definitely excited for what is to come! Thankfully I'm only 30 and have my whole life ahead of me!!

Veka 3 years 18 weeks

Yes, this happened to me 2 years ago. I was with my boyfriend for 16 months, and we ended up breaking up on the day AFTER Valentines Day. And it was the worst Valentines day I'd ever had. Things had been rocky in our relationship for a little over a month, but I had no idea why. It was so bad that he moved out and we were living separately for that last month. I was even going to counseling because I was becoming depressed. He had changed significantly but I couldnt figure him out. He had some emotional issues from a trauma before I met him and he carried his depression with him. Vday was a Thursday and he had class which was an hour and a half away from my house. He told me that he wasnt sure if he wanted to come over that night (he waited too long to make a dinner reservation so I offered to cook at my house) to which I insisted that he spend time with me, his girlfriend, on valentines day. I told him I could cook at his house, which he declined and said (with an attitude) that he would just come over. So he came over, slept on the couch the entire evening while I cooked. He woke up to eat, and went back to sleep. I practically had to beg an "I love you" out of him. Oh and he didn't get me anything - not a card, nothing. (This is also a big giveaway that something was amiss because he used to spend a LOT of money on me for holidays.) Next morning he was in the shower so I decided to go through his text messages (which I admit was wrong but I'm glad I did it because it was the final straw to convince me to end things with him) and found plenty of texts that I wish I had never read. It made my stomach turn into knots. I walked into the bathroom while he was still in the shower and told him to get the F out of my house. I haven't spoken to him since that day almost two years ago and have been happy ever since.

Veka 3 years 18 weeks

Yes, this happened to me 2 years ago. I was with my boyfriend for 16 months, and we ended up breaking up on the day AFTER Valentines Day. And it was the worst Valentines day I'd ever had.Things had been rocky in our relationship for a little over a month, but I had no idea why. It was so bad that he moved out and we were living separately for that last month. I was even going to counseling because I was becoming depressed. He had changed significantly but I couldnt figure him out. He had some emotional issues from a trauma before I met him and he carried his depression with him.Vday was a Thursday and he had class which was an hour and a half away from my house. He told me that he wasnt sure if he wanted to come over that night (he waited too long to make a dinner reservation so I offered to cook at my house) to which I insisted that he spend time with me, his girlfriend, on valentines day. I told him I could cook at his house, which he declined and said (with an attitude) that he would just come over.So he came over, slept on the couch the entire evening while I cooked. He woke up to eat, and went back to sleep. I practically had to beg an "I love you" out of him. Oh and he didn't get me anything - not a card, nothing. (This is also a big giveaway that something was amiss because he used to spend a LOT of money on me for holidays.)Next morning he was in the shower so I decided to go through his text messages (which I admit was wrong but I'm glad I did it because it was the final straw to convince me to end things with him) and found plenty of texts that I wish I had never read. It made my stomach turn into knots. I walked into the bathroom while he was still in the shower and told him to get the F out of my house. I haven't spoken to him since that day almost two years ago and have been happy ever since.

missyd 3 years 18 weeks

My very first love (I lost my virginity to him, I was fairly young) and I had been together over a year. His family had to move away to another province; taking him with them. We swore we'd do the long distance thing - and we did, only for him to call me on CHRISTMAS DAY and brreak up with me. I cried so hard for days I thought I was going to die. I eventually got over it, that was many years ago, but it is still one of those things that will always linger with me. I still think about that from time to time and feel pain.

missyd 3 years 18 weeks

My very first love (I lost my virginity to him, I was fairly young) and I had been together over a year. His family had to move away to another province; taking him with them. We swore we'd do the long distance thing - and we did, only for him to call me on CHRISTMAS DAY and brreak up with me.I cried so hard for days I thought I was going to die. I eventually got over it, that was many years ago, but it is still one of those things that will always linger with me. I still think about that from time to time and feel pain.

starbucks 3 years 18 weeks

*relationshipS

starbucks 3 years 18 weeks

*relationshipS

starbucks 3 years 18 weeks

How do you make out with 3 girls? That sounds exhausting!! My relationship have always begun in late summer and ended in early summer. Don't ask me why!

starbucks 3 years 18 weeks

How do you make out with 3 girls? That sounds exhausting!!My relationship have always begun in late summer and ended in early summer. Don't ask me why!

mix tape 3 years 18 weeks

I'm sorry dexaholic! I think you are lucky- lucky to have loved at least once in your life (many people don't get to experience that type of passion) and lucky that you didn't dedicate the rest of your life to this selfish jerk! You sound very grounded in your thoughts so I trust that you will recover in due time. One day you will meet a man that will love you and eventually you will feel secure with that relationship. Stay strong.

mix tape 3 years 18 weeks

I broke up before the holidays. I'd prefer that rather than waiting til it's over and gifts have been exchanged.

dexaholic 3 years 18 weeks

Some of you ladies might remember a post on the Group Therapy page back in October from a girl who was thinking of breaking up with her boyfriend of 14 years. Well, that was me. I did it, with the help of your awesome advice. I told him everything I had been thinking and feeling over the last couple years, and I gave him back the ring. It was a really, really tough week. Then he came to me and told me he loved me and that he really wanted to work together to make our relationship better. I agreed. He said a lot of things that I had wanted him to say for a long time. So the next couple months were great. Or better. We talked a lot about everything, went out and did things together, started dating again. Then New Years hit and he started to shut down on me again. He said he wasn't feeling good and went to bed while I went out with his cousins to celebrate. The next day he was really quiet and kept to himself. Then he told me he wanted to talk to me. He said that he didn't think things were working out. That neither of us were really trying. (For the record, I was trying. I would put a lot of effort in to making plans only to have him turn down most of them.) Regardless, we agreed that we had fallen out of love, and decided it would be best if we broke up. The next few days were awful. I went back to work after the holidays and was constantly asked "so how was your holiday!?", only to have to answer that my boyfriend and I weren't together anymore. Thankfully I am surrounded by strong, intelligent women who were willing to offer me support in whatever way I needed it. Then, a few more days after that, he dropped the bomb: he had been cheating on me for over a year. That changed everything. I started to question whether or not I had actually fallen out of love with him, or if it was just that he was doing everything in his power to push me away, anything for him to justify that his actions were ok in his mind. He can't tell my why he did it, or how he could do that to me. It's so weird for me to think that this man that I have known for 14 years was capable of something like this. I always thought he was better than that, but I guess I was wrong. I know that none of this is my fault. And I know I certainly didn't deserve to be treated the way he treated me. Used me to cook his meals and do his laundry and clean, to have unlimited access to my car. I asked him why, after I gave him back the ring, he said he wanted to work on things. Why didn't he just let it end then? He said it was because he thought we really could make it work. Ha, right. It has only been just over a week since all this happened. I cried a heck of a lot. I was angry, sad and hurt. But I think I am mostly just disappointed. I mean, I knew somewhere in my mind that things wouldn't work out, but I never expected any of this. Sorry for the long post! Thanks for listening.

dexaholic 3 years 18 weeks

Some of you ladies might remember a post on the Group Therapy page back in October from a girl who was thinking of breaking up with her boyfriend of 14 years. Well, that was me. I did it, with the help of your awesome advice. I told him everything I had been thinking and feeling over the last couple years, and I gave him back the ring. It was a really, really tough week.Then he came to me and told me he loved me and that he really wanted to work together to make our relationship better. I agreed. He said a lot of things that I had wanted him to say for a long time. So the next couple months were great. Or better. We talked a lot about everything, went out and did things together, started dating again. Then New Years hit and he started to shut down on me again. He said he wasn't feeling good and went to bed while I went out with his cousins to celebrate. The next day he was really quiet and kept to himself. Then he told me he wanted to talk to me. He said that he didn't think things were working out. That neither of us were really trying. (For the record, I was trying. I would put a lot of effort in to making plans only to have him turn down most of them.) Regardless, we agreed that we had fallen out of love, and decided it would be best if we broke up. The next few days were awful. I went back to work after the holidays and was constantly asked "so how was your holiday!?", only to have to answer that my boyfriend and I weren't together anymore. Thankfully I am surrounded by strong, intelligent women who were willing to offer me support in whatever way I needed it. Then, a few more days after that, he dropped the bomb: he had been cheating on me for over a year. That changed everything. I started to question whether or not I had actually fallen out of love with him, or if it was just that he was doing everything in his power to push me away, anything for him to justify that his actions were ok in his mind.He can't tell my why he did it, or how he could do that to me. It's so weird for me to think that this man that I have known for 14 years was capable of something like this. I always thought he was better than that, but I guess I was wrong. I know that none of this is my fault. And I know I certainly didn't deserve to be treated the way he treated me. Used me to cook his meals and do his laundry and clean, to have unlimited access to my car.I asked him why, after I gave him back the ring, he said he wanted to work on things. Why didn't he just let it end then? He said it was because he thought we really could make it work. Ha, right. It has only been just over a week since all this happened. I cried a heck of a lot. I was angry, sad and hurt. But I think I am mostly just disappointed. I mean, I knew somewhere in my mind that things wouldn't work out, but I never expected any of this.Sorry for the long post! Thanks for listening.

xtinasf 3 years 18 weeks

I haven't but I've seen a lot of couples having some trouble after the holidays or to the point of break up.. (wait now that I think about it. I broke up and moved out sometime after the holidays -it was a bad,unhealthy relationship- I just waited, cause well, we always "hope" that the situation (him) will change. It only took me a few weeks to get the courage to brake up and move out.. and the fact that it's very difficult to find a pet friendly within a short period of time in SF.

xtinasf 3 years 18 weeks

tarabara1229 3 years 18 weeks

Yoga, I don't know if I should describe your story as horrible, funny, or awesome (or maybe all three?). At least you got some revenge!

3 years 18 weeks

"Well This did happen to me I had a Bf name Billy and he got me things but he never showed me the love inside me basically he buyed my love and he was a cheerleader he acted like my own more likely friend not bf and when Christmas came by he got me something I got him a wallet he got me a gift card i was happy hey its the thought but it felt like it was throwing in my face his wallet was from walmart it was leather and awesome but when that happen I felt like a fool after Christmas vacation he decided to hang out with guys also cheerleaders none of the cheerleaders like me I felt left out then Valentine's Day comes and he got me candy and a stuffed little teddy bear but when I went to kiss him on the lips he put up his hand so then I felt like a fool again I was so upset seeing all the other high school students holding on one another and kissing you no well I cried instead of doing that he left me I gave him something for V-day but of course my luck well after v-day I broke up with him and he was happy so I found another guy witch I really love and treats me rite see its always the thought that is I did feel very bad thoe after breaking up with him but I felt free so this year comes and I see the Evil Eye in him but I don't care hey he use me basically it was a money thank when I went out with him it was a bet and deal As I found out from some fellow students I new LL :) but I'm happy I'm with my new and I call him papa Smurf LL

Yogaforlife 3 years 18 weeks

I think I got this one hands down. I was dating a guy (serbian soccer player with a very sexy accent). His birthday happened to be Valentine's Day. His roommates decided to have a big Valentine's Day party/birthday party. Of course I'm there, I mean it is VDay and his birthday and I am his girlfriend. I walk into the hallway heading back to the bathroom, and he's making out with 3 girls - WTF! 1-2-3 blonde girls! Do you think I flipped? Hell yeah! He told me he wanted to break up with me and didn't know how to do it. So he made out with 3 girls on valentine's day while I was in the next room, like that would make it easier? I passed on a warning to the girls about him having a small penis and don't bother thinking you'll get off because you won't feel a thing and it will be over before you know it.

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