Hate When Boyfriend Hugs Other Women

"I Hate When My Boyfriend Hugs Other Women"

April 8, 2012

This week's confession comes from our anonymous Confession Booth group in the TrèsSugar Community. Weigh in with your advice below.

If you're with a guy and he hugs other women in front of you, would it offend you? I never complain when my guy does it, but there's just a bad feeling that I get when it happens and I can't help it. To me, hugging someone is a compassionate gesture, and when he shares it with another woman, I feel uneasy.

I try to be understanding because I hug my guy friends, but when I do, it isn't a full hug — it's like a half hug. If I sound jealous, I have a right to be. I don't want another female touching my man, period. That might sound crazy, but it's coming from a territorial perspective.

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4 Comments

diesdre 1 year 5 weeks

I get it. I also give my male friends only half-hugs and hate it when some female friends rub themselves against my boyfriend. But I know he only loves me and there's nothing either him or me can do about these girls hugging him, so I try not to care too much and so should you. But I definitely understand your point.

BiWife 1 year 6 weeks

people should be allowed to show affection to more than just their significant other. Stop being selfish/territorial. Stop reacting through insecurity. Henna is right on.

danizzle 1 year 6 weeks

i understand where you are coming from, but its not like he is making out with other girls in front of you. my bf has one female friend that i can not stand, not only is she annoying but i know that a few years back they used to flirt and whatnot, altho he says nothing ever happened between them. when he sees her hugs her and sometimes even play fights with her. but you know what? hes such a great guy and people love him so much that if he hugs another woman, who cares because i know hes coming home with me! it still irritates me, but i just pause and remind myself that he is MINE - he kisses me, and sleeps with me, so ill allow other females to get a hug, cause they wont get anything more from him!

henna red 1 year 6 weeks

I hug the people I care about, my friends, my family. I've hugged strangers at the cleveland clinic, people who were in the same situation I was, waiting to see if someone I loved would live or die. I enjoy being with other people, including the men I date, who also show these things with a hug, with physical gestures, with touch. Hugs are gestures of affection, of caring, of connection, of sypathy and empathy. We express joy and pain and need with hugs. We give and receive many things with hugs. They are a human, and, indeed, an animal expression that crosses species lines. You never get to control someone else's gestures of affection, caring, connection, empathy, sypathy, joy, pain. You don't get to control anyone but you. I'll bet you haven't asked your boyfriend not to hug his friends because you know he would react badly. If someone tried to restrain or restrict me from showing my care, my love, my concern, my happiness, to another by hugging, I would dump them in a nanosecond. You are not showing sensitivity, you are reacting with insecurity. You are not sure or confident enough of yourself to believe that your boyfriend can touch someone else without feeling something strong, something sexual, something inappropriate. This is an issue coming from within yourself that you need to deal with from within yourself. I think you're probably very aware of that fact and avoiding acceptance of it. I think that you are here looking for someone to assure you that what you're feeling is fine, is perfectly normal and acceptable. Can't do that. I'm sorry. You need to be doing some real work on yourself, on your self esteem, self confidence, or this jealousy will kill every relationship you ever have. Terretorial, in your case, is a way of trying to establish possession. You don't own your boyfriend. Balance, mutual attraction, afection, respect, enjoyment.....those things comprise healthy, successful relationships of all varieties, not ownership, jealousy, "territoriality." You sound very unsure of yourself, even, that you don't give your guy friends a good, solid hug. Perhaps afraid that they will get a wrong impression? Or that you will give a wrong impression? Strong affection doesn't have to equate to sexual energy. When I was in college, I had a friend who said my hugs were better than sex, and used to ask for one before going on stage. I don't know of many things in life better than a really great, hold on to them hug. You can share soooo much with an incredible hug, so much love and trust, it's such an easy way to share who you are with people you care for. I hope you will be able to learn and accept that into your own life, making it fuller, richer, and happier. blessed be

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