My husband has a close knit group of friends, guys and girls, that he has known since college. I have gradually become friends with them independently of my husband which was important to both of us. I really like them for the most part, but there is one girl who always rubs me the wrong way when she's been drinking.
She often comes at me with very hurtful comments after she has had a couple of alcoholic drinks. The last time we got together, she told me that she liked me better now that I finally got a job! I had been out of the job market for about four months after being laid off and was dumbfounded by her comment, but sadly not all that surprised.
One side of me just wants to shake off her drunk talk while the other side of me wants to set her straight. I am not the only one that falls victim to her drunken behavior and everyone in our circle is fed up with her rude and unwarranted comments. Should I take her with a grain of salt or should I confront her? Aggrivated Allyson
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Dear Aggrivated Allyson
No one likes a bad drunk so I am sorry that you have to socialize with her. Has anyone brought up her drinking behavior before? Is she aware of her loud mouth? The only way she will change is if she is aware of how her behavior is affecting others around her.
Since you hang out together in social situations, perhaps telling her then is a good idea, a place where she feels safe. Don't approach her in an attacking manor and make sure she isn't drunk when talking about her loose lips. Let her know you don't appreciate how she speaks to you and that she often hurts your feelings. Try saying something like this:
"Hey, there has been something bothering me since the last time we were out and I just wanted to let you know. The comment you made about liking me more now that I have a job better than before didn't sit very well with me.
I don't think you said it to purposefully hurt my feelings, but I just wanted to let you know that you did. I didn't expect to lose my job and was struggling coping with the loss as well as trying my best to be optimistic about interviewing and starting all over again."
Hopefully your confrontational big-mouthed friend will realize her drinking behavior is not liked by her peers and she will change her ways. I am sure she will appreciate you voicing your feelings and perhaps you can use this experience to grow closer.