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Happen Circumstance

Dear Sugar
My friend and her ex broke up a year and a half ago. She broke up with him and they ended things very maturely and on good terms, although they never talk anymore. She is now living with hew new boyfriend and seems to be really happy.

I recently started graduate school and low and behold, my friend's ex is in my class. We were shocked to see each other, but it was nice to look at a familiar face. Our first semester we rarely saw each other, but this quarter, we have two classes together.

We have gotten to know each other quite well and I have developed a pretty profound crush. We are both aware of the complexity of the situation and we haven't acted on our feelings for each other, but I can't deny them anymore.

Although my friend has moved on, I am extremely uncomfortable with telling her about her ex. I respect her as a person which is why nothing has happened, but my question is does she have a right to be upset with me if we begin dating since she has moved on with her life? Please give me any guidance as I just don't know how to handle the situation. Crushing Christy


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Dear Crushing Christy
Dating your friend's ex is always a tough call and every person has a different opinion on the topic. I understand your rationale in thinking since your friend has moved on in her life she won't mind if he has, but the truth of the matter is it is always hard to see your ex with someone else, especially if it is a close friend.

I think you have done the right thing by not acting on your feelings, as this potential relationship could be just too close for comfort. You need to ask yourself if pursuing this relationship is worth it in the long run as your friend is bound to have some hurt feelings. Are you interested in her ex because he is available and this relationship would be convenient since you are at the same school?

Have you ever talked with your girlfriend about how she will feel once her ex starts dating again? Do you know how he feels about you? When you fall for your friend's ex, you walk a very thin line so the best thing to do is talk to her. Honesty is always the best policy so ask her what she thinks. Does she know he is in your class? Do you think she already has an inkling you guys hang out?

Let her know that her friendship means more to you than anything else, so if she isn't comfortable with the idea of your taking the relationship to the next level, you are going to ultimately have to choose between what you think is more important, losing a friend or gaining a potential life partner. Good luck.

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