Handle This: Your Parents Don't Support Your Marriage

August 14, 2008

When you receive a surprise proposal from your boyfriend of two years, you’re thrilled to spread the news to your family. But when you tell your parents, they seem disappointed and angry — they tell you that you’re far too young to be getting married.

After numerous arguments, they inform you that they won’t financially or emotionally support you unless you hold off on the wedding for another couple of years. Meanwhile your boyfriend is getting more frustrated with the situation, so how do you handle this?

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27 Comments

RockAndRepublic 4 years 39 weeks

That'd be on them. The worst thing you can do is try to control me and what im doing and think that you're going to get away with it. Please. On top of that, im city hall all the way.

lilCROAT03 4 years 39 weeks

i'm hiding my engagement until i'm more financially stable. my parents always think i'm so irresponsible, dumb, incapable of making decisions that i don't even give a sh*t what the think anymore, honestly. their negativity is the reason for most of my 'irresponsible, dumb instabilities' that they blame me for so, i've basically cemented the fact that their opinions can in no way sway me. i mean they're great parents but very very harsh (any euros on here will understand me)- so it's better for everyone that we keep it hush until we can handle the sh*tfall.

JaimeLeah526 4 years 39 weeks

Just because you're getting engaged doesn't mean you're getting ready tomorrow. I'd give them a chance to get used to the idea and spend some more time planning the wedding and saving money to pay for the wedding yourself.

MandyPinecone 4 years 39 weeks

i was married at 21 to an older guy my mom still thinks of me as single and doesn't ask about Scott at all ( 2yrs in oct). I've come to the point where it doesn't matter to me what she thinks. Scott and my dad get along great. it your life not their's. live it as you want.

EricaJane 4 years 39 weeks

for me, I would wait. My parents, especially my mom is almost always right about issues like this. When I got engaged, it was understood it was a long engagement, because we both had some goals to accomplish and wanted to really get to know ourselves as a couple. We married each other after 4 years and after both graduating college and going on to graduate school/carers. What's the rush in getting married? It's not even about the money, but for me, my family's blessing was very important to me.

LilyLyra 4 years 39 weeks

I'm engaged and my wedding is next March, my dad still has a hard time absorbing the fact that some guy is coming to take his "little girl" and although he gives me a hard time about it sometimes he's supportive of it (in his own way)... But if my parents were completely against it I would try my best to convince them first, because after all they are my parents. And I don't mean that for financial support, but for emotional support. They have to be a part of the actual wedding ceremoney.

puddlesworth 4 years 39 weeks

Genesis 2:24

puddlesworth 4 years 39 weeks

Genesis 2:24

lolany 4 years 39 weeks

I got married in March (I'm in my 30th) to a great guys a few years younger than me. My mother isn't talking to me now because of it. She thinks I should have asked her what she thinks first. WTF? I haven't lived at home for 18 years, have lived 4000 miles away, have a successful business and am in the middle of my life and am HAPPY. She even really likes my husband a lot, so I don't get it. So... yeah I wouldn't care, and ( in my case) I personally don't. We never had the best relationship, and this simply kills it. Oh well.

sparklestar 4 years 39 weeks

I wouldn't care.

sparklestar 4 years 39 weeks

I wouldn't care.

bbkf 4 years 39 weeks

I'd tell them to suck it up. I don't need the financial or emotional support of my parents; I have myself and my husband for that.

rellicDragon 4 years 39 weeks

Parents want your best at heart ... So get engaged and wait for a little while and give your parents a chance to warm up to the idea ... I am sure they will come around to it ... and You will be much happier in the long run if they would be involved in the wedding, to give their blessings and help out a little financially ;)

rellicDragon 4 years 39 weeks

marttina 4 years 39 weeks

I think most parents have some wisdom and perspective. You aren't living your life for your parents. Still, it's worth trying to take the emotion out of the situation and listening to their perspective rather than just arguing and trying to justify your decision. Even if they don't pay for the wedding, they should still be involved in planning if they want to be... as they get to know your boyfriend and his family better, maybe that will make them feel more comfortable about the whole thing.

jessie 4 years 39 weeks

i've writtin post on this before.i i was 19 and hubby was 21. and we got married because we wanted to, there were no "reasons" that we had to. my mom called the preacher, called his parents, when she drove me up to the church in my dress told me she could hide me and he couldn't find me. told me all the time we would get divorced. said she bought a house for the reason so when we got divorced the kids and i could go live with her. thats just some of it...theres a lot moreits your life. not your parents. you do not have to live your life around your parents or for your parents. granted they want whats best for you, but sometimes parent are wrong too. you have to live are learn. talk to your boyfriend, this involves him too. when you get married he will become your family first, your first priority. your parents will eventually come around. it may be several years, and yes it may hurt you, but with his support and love, you'll do just fine. tell mom and dad that you love them and continue your plans. hubby and i are celebrating 12 years on august 17th....

jessie 4 years 39 weeks

i've writtin post on this before.i i was 19 and hubby was 21. and we got married because we wanted to, there were no "reasons" that we had to. my mom called the preacher, called his parents, when she drove me up to the church in my dress told me she could hide me and he couldn't find me. told me all the time we would get divorced. said she bought a house for the reason so when we got divorced the kids and i could go live with her. thats just some of it...theres a lot more its your life. not your parents. you do not have to live your life around your parents or for your parents. granted they want whats best for you, but sometimes parent are wrong too. you have to live are learn. talk to your boyfriend, this involves him too. when you get married he will become your family first, your first priority. your parents will eventually come around. it may be several years, and yes it may hurt you, but with his support and love, you'll do just fine. tell mom and dad that you love them and continue your plans. hubby and i are celebrating 12 years on august 17th....

ohkate 4 years 39 weeks

having dealt with this myself (although it wasn't an age issue that motivated them to act/not act the way they did) just this past june I have to say this, getting married is not about making your parents happy. it's about starting your life and your new family with this person whom you've chosen to spend the rest of your life with. if you trust your instincts and feel you are making the right choice then it doesn't matter what your parents say.as far as the refusal to pay for the wedding, again, dealt with that, and we had a beautiful (but small) wedding in a new england style restaurant. it really was a beautiful wedding, the food was amazing, as was the cake, so it can be done. another option is to have a civil ceremony and a small party with your close friends and his family (if they support your engagement).

ohkate 4 years 39 weeks

having dealt with this myself (although it wasn't an age issue that motivated them to act/not act the way they did) just this past june I have to say this, getting married is not about making your parents happy. it's about starting your life and your new family with this person whom you've chosen to spend the rest of your life with. if you trust your instincts and feel you are making the right choice then it doesn't matter what your parents say. as far as the refusal to pay for the wedding, again, dealt with that, and we had a beautiful (but small) wedding in a new england style restaurant. it really was a beautiful wedding, the food was amazing, as was the cake, so it can be done. another option is to have a civil ceremony and a small party with your close friends and his family (if they support your engagement).

princess_eab 4 years 39 weeks

Get pregnant! shotgun wedding! haha, just kidding. that would probably bring the parents on board, though.Honestly, in this case I'd listen to my parents. Who ever suffered from a long engagement, anyway? I don't get the rush - if marriage is for life, what's a year or year and a half engagement going to do that's so bad? If we all could agree on a time frame, I'd definitely take their opinion into account, unless it's something ridiculous. But I think a year is not unreasonable.Anyway, I couldn't afford to pay for my own wedding, and I don't want to have to. My parents are going to be a huge part of the occasion, so I don't see a problem with waiting on this one. Anybody I think about marrying should be able to be deferent to and get along with his in-laws anyway, especially if they have a financial stake in the ceremony and reception.

princess_eab 4 years 39 weeks

Get pregnant! shotgun wedding! haha, just kidding. that would probably bring the parents on board, though. Honestly, in this case I'd listen to my parents. Who ever suffered from a long engagement, anyway? I don't get the rush - if marriage is for life, what's a year or year and a half engagement going to do that's so bad? If we all could agree on a time frame, I'd definitely take their opinion into account, unless it's something ridiculous. But I think a year is not unreasonable. Anyway, I couldn't afford to pay for my own wedding, and I don't want to have to. My parents are going to be a huge part of the occasion, so I don't see a problem with waiting on this one. Anybody I think about marrying should be able to be deferent to and get along with his in-laws anyway, especially if they have a financial stake in the ceremony and reception.

chocolatine 4 years 39 weeks

Give them some time to get used to the idea. Many parents are shocked at first, but come around later. If yours are still resistant after a while, and you're 100% sure that you want to marry your guy, go ahead without their blessing and support. Getting married doesn't have to cost anything if you just go to city hall :).

chocolatine 4 years 39 weeks

javsmav 4 years 39 weeks

ha! This would never happen. I don't think people should get married until they are 30. I'll be 30 next month, so maybe I'll start considering it. My parents would have preferred me to marry my college boyfriend 8 years ago. My mom was 20 when she got married--that is too young IMO.

TidalWave 4 years 39 weeks

who cares? why are you relying on your parents to pay for your wedding anyway? i can go both ways.first, i dont think it matters - this is YOUR life, you need to be responsible for it. however, if you want to be dependent on your parents for the rest of your life and not support yourself, i dont see what the big deal is waiting for a few years. if your fiance is being a turd about waiting, then make him cover all expenses. i guess i consider this question to be a joke because i know my parent's won't be able to spend a dime on my wedding.

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