Handle This: Your Friend Wants to Break Her Engagement

August 25, 2008

Your engaged friend has been acting incredibly distant lately. You assume it's because she's planning her wedding, but when you finally get time together, she opens up to you after a few drinks. She tells you that things aren't going well and she's having serious cold feet, to the point that she wants to call off the wedding. You try to calm her down, but the more details she divulges, the more you're starting to think perhaps calling off the wedding is the right decision. You've grown to love her fiancé, and you remember how happy they once were, but you want the best for your friend. You don't want to give her bad advice, so how do you handle this?

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29 Comments

LilGlamDiva 4 years 37 weeks

I wouldn't try to guide her in any direction since it isn't my choice, and I'm not in the situation. I would just tell her to be true to herself, and honest with her fiance about her feelings, and support her either way!

naturalstate 4 years 38 weeks

If they're just snapping at each other out of the stress of wedding planning and she's letting it get to her, that happens to everybody. On the other hand, if they find out while setting a catering budget that they have totally incompatible ideas about how to handle their finances, then that might be a red flag that makes her stop and rethink. I think either way I would ask her how she's dealt with whatever is bothering her in the past (i.e. before they got engaged), and whether it's something that only became a problem once marriage was in the picture. I definitely agree that it's not your place to tell her what to do (other than telling her to talk to her fiance), but I would say that I'd support her no matter she chooses, even if she decides in the middle of the aisle to turn around and run the other way.

naturalstate 4 years 38 weeks

k8 rckstr 4 years 38 weeks

Calling off a wedding is probably a bit easier (although definitely hard) than going through a divorce... considering by that time there could potentially be children involved. I agree with everyone who said she has to talk about how she is feeling with her fiance. Let her know she isn't trapped and still has options and the only way to figure out what needs to be done will be to talk about how she is feeling with her S/O.

lickety split 4 years 38 weeks

i would ask her "if the wedding were called off right now and he left your life forever, how would you feel?" and tell her that's how she should move forward. it's her choice, she just needs to see it clearly.

kia 4 years 38 weeks

You tell her to get her and her guy to marriage counseling or another professional to formally address their issues. There is no shame in calling it off if both parties make an effort instead of simply running away.

Xandara 4 years 38 weeks

The only way I could ever tell a friend of mine to ditch a guy, wedding or no, is if he is abusive to her.

zcoral 4 years 38 weeks

I would just tell her that she needs to open a dialogue with her fiance. But I would add that a messy breakup is always better than a messy divorce.

ilanac13 4 years 38 weeks

that's like the divorce question - you don't want to be the one to say break it off cause if they do then you may think that you were a catalyst to it - and if they don't break up - then she'll know how you felt. it's just a good idea to try to be a good friend and to listen than anything else.i know that i get into my fair share of arguements with my fiance and there are times that i really think that maybe we shouldn't get married, but in the end i know that we're happy together - so some fighting every now and then might be ok...but that's us...that's not necessarily everyone else.

ilanac13 4 years 38 weeks

that's like the divorce question - you don't want to be the one to say break it off cause if they do then you may think that you were a catalyst to it - and if they don't break up - then she'll know how you felt. it's just a good idea to try to be a good friend and to listen than anything else. i know that i get into my fair share of arguements with my fiance and there are times that i really think that maybe we shouldn't get married, but in the end i know that we're happy together - so some fighting every now and then might be ok...but that's us...that's not necessarily everyone else.

Asia84 4 years 38 weeks

and a drunk person speaks a sober mind. give me a few White Russians and I'll tell you to f*ck your mother...no wait..i say that sober. ...well, I definitely let my guard (bravado) down when i'm loosey-goosey like that. so if i told you that, you better believe it's how I truly feel, and not just me stammering.

Asia84 4 years 38 weeks

and a drunk person speaks a sober mind.give me a few White Russians and I'll tell you to f*ck your mother...no wait..i say that sober....well, I definitely let my guard (bravado) down when i'm loosey-goosey like that. so if i told you that, you better believe it's how I truly feel, and not just me stammering.

Asia84 4 years 38 weeks

I wouldn't tell her nothing.... she obviously knows what's up. if you're having issues like this now, you're gonna have more issues later. she probably just wants you to co-sign that sh*t. if it were my best friend, and she said this last year (when she got married) i would tell her to really sit back and think about what she wants out of this marriage. and if he falls short, then cut the fat meat. never settle.

Asia84 4 years 38 weeks

I wouldn't tell her nothing....she obviously knows what's up.if you're having issues like this now, you're gonna have more issues later.she probably just wants you to co-sign that sh*t.if it were my best friend, and she said this last year (when she got married) i would tell her to really sit back and think about what she wants out of this marriage. and if he falls short, then cut the fat meat. never settle.

a nonny mouse 4 years 38 weeks

There is nothing to *handle* under these circumstances. It is not your decision; it has nothing to do with you.((shrugs))

a nonny mouse 4 years 38 weeks

There is nothing to *handle* under these circumstances. It is not your decision; it has nothing to do with you. ((shrugs))

lily8206 4 years 38 weeks

You don't give advice.You listen and support - that's your only job!

lily8206 4 years 38 weeks

You don't give advice. You listen and support - that's your only job!

beeps 4 years 38 weeks

I too would encourage her to talk to him and if I was friends with him as well encourage him to talk to her - but I would definately try to stay out of it beyond that.

skigurl 4 years 38 weeks

i agree with all others: don't advise her at all! you don't want to be part of a decision this big! plus, she's drunk! things could look different in the morning. tell her to talk to her family and her fiance. try not to get involved!

Zulkey 4 years 38 weeks

I told one friend who did break her engagement: a broken engagement is nothing compared to a broken marriage.

sparklestar 4 years 38 weeks

I would tell her to communicate with the person who she had previously pledged to spend her whole life with.

vmruby 4 years 38 weeks

I wouldn't really give her any advice other than to be honest with her fiance about her reservations and say no more.I would never want to be the reason for anybody's relationship ending due to any advice I may have given her.Ultimately she's the one who has to decide what's best for her and live with that choice.

sonya ina 4 years 38 weeks

The couples needs to talk it out ASAP, and be completely honest with each other. Communication is key! She needs to delve deep into her feelings and just spill her guts. Getting married and planning a wedding is extremely stressful for both the bride and groom. Feelings and actions you may have never felt/done while you were just dating could come up. Stress is crazy, and it can do crazy things to a person. Talk it out! Marriage should NEVER be taken lightly.

lilCROAT03 4 years 38 weeks

giving her any kind of advice may make her go against her real feelings. it sounds like she doesn't know what she wants...which is why the divorce rate is where it's at.

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