Handle This: Your Friend With Benefits Is Seeing Someone on the Same Night

October 23, 2008

Although your friends warned you about a friends-with-benefits situation, you did so anyways, and so far things have been going well. The sex is satisfying and you are both very respectful of the other, or so it seems.

One night when you have plans to meet up with your special friend for a lustful night, you decide to go grab dinner and drinks with girlfriends first. You’re totally shocked when you see your guy leading another woman out of the very same restaurant. You don’t care about dating other people, but to think of him seeing her on the same night that he plans on seeing you is just too strange. How do you handle this?

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37 Comments

MissSue 4 years 29 weeks

IF you are just FWB, there shouldnt be a problem. Theres a point in the "relationship" where you discuss sleeping with other people. If at any point you start to feel jelous then you need to end the situation.

bluesteyes 4 years 29 weeks

react i meant

bluesteyes 4 years 29 weeks

react i meant

bluesteyes 4 years 29 weeks

The question should be how would a guy reacts if they find a girl doing this?

bluesteyes 4 years 29 weeks

WOW... this is something very new to me cause I did load of one night stands in my youth (more than 10 years ago), but this didn't happen to me ! Well what do I do? I smile and still see him later. I mean if it's just pure sex what's the big deal?

ilanac13 4 years 29 weeks

well i think that it's kind of rude for him to double book. that's just a bit odd to me that he would date someone and then come to you but that's kind of something that a lot of people do. they figure that if they can line up a 'sure thing' then it makes things all that much better. i think that since he's your friend with benefits though, you should just let it go. if you have the 'talk' with him, then you're showing that it bothers you and that's kind of against the point of it all.

ilanac13 4 years 29 weeks

herjoiedevivre 4 years 29 weeks

I think I'd probably be a little catty and wave and be like, "Hey, *enter gross dude's name here*. See you at my place later. *wink*" but then again, the reason I'd do that is because it's super hard for me to kind of do fwb without liking the actual person, lol. so I guess in a way this situation doesn't even apply to me.

herjoiedevivre 4 years 29 weeks

pixelhaze 4 years 29 weeks

This might seem silly but I would want to know if they were sleeping together. Not because of jealousy, but I wouldn't want to end up getting some other chick's std. . . condoms aren't 100% effective after all.

pixelhaze 4 years 29 weeks

bluebellknoll 4 years 29 weeks

Well said, Fallen85.

bluebellknoll 4 years 29 weeks

Well said, Fallen85.

Fallen85 4 years 29 weeks

I think some of you ladies have major misconceptions about f*ck buddies. First of all, there is a HUGE difference between FWBs and FBs but I've already blogged about that. http://teamsugar.com/user/Fallen85/blog/1649610 Second, why do you ladies think that the woman is "undervaluing" herself just because she chooses sex instead of relationship? It's one thing if the woman WANTS a relationship with the guy but just settles for FWB because he's not interested in pursuing a relationship with her but it's a completely different thing when SHE doesnt want a relationship but wants all of those fun physical benefits without sleeping with a bunch of different guys. I had FBs (FWB is too messy) for years because I was in college, had no interest in boyfriends but still wanted to get laid. It worked out perfectly! Actually, I had one single FB for almost two full years... he'd come over to my place once a week or once every couple of weeks, we'd get 'er done and then we wouldnt talk again until we wanted to hook up. He had no drama, no issues, never saw him outside of my apartment.. it was perfection. I didnt want a boyfriend and he was still recovering from a bad break up. Then, when I met my current boyfriend we broke it off with no tears, no muss, no fuss. On the topic, if I ever ran into my FB while he was out on a date I would probably dump him and find a new FB because seeing him with another chick would just ruin my libido for him. With FBs the less you know about his personal life, the easier it is just to enjoy the sex. But always use protection.

vmruby 4 years 29 weeks

All i can say is get used to that because it comes with the territory.....The whole "friends with benefits" thing is so degrading . :oy:

vmruby 4 years 29 weeks

All i can say is get used to that because it comes with the territory..... The whole "friends with benefits" thing is so degrading . :oy:

brdwaystarlett 4 years 29 weeks

I sort of had this happen once! The guy I was "with" and I went out for coffee the day before I was leaving the country for a month. He mentioned the day before (when we were talking about becoming a couple rather than FWB but he was unsure he wanted to make the jump) that he was going on a proper date the night of our coffee date. I kept my cool. He was not beholden to me at the time, after all. But right as we said our goodbyes I made a very, very specific speech telling him that I'd miss him, I would want to be with him, and to take the month to think about it. We're a couple now for over a year. Oh, and his date? It never did go through.

bacon 4 years 29 weeks

I agree with the other comments. If you are worried about seeing him with someone else, then you never should have become a FWB. I personally would never do that because I think you are undervalueing yourself. You have no idea who else this guy is sleeping with. Always, always use protection, and remember that protection is not 100% foolproof. Do you want to get a disease from someone you aren't even in a relationship with? Drop this guy as fast as you can and get back out on the dating scene.

LoveSarah 4 years 29 weeks

Um, sloppy seconds are not my style. But neither is a FWB. I'd just call it off for that night, but you have no reason to be mad, since you aren't in an exclusive relationship.

fancifulfabi 4 years 29 weeks

I would never personally do the FWB thing, but I think that if he is possibly sleeping with someone else then that could pose a threat to you health-wise in terms of maybe contracting an STD. I would talk to the guy about being open with you so you're aware of any other people he may have on the side. If he refuses to tell you then get out of that situation for your own good!

sparklestar 4 years 29 weeks

I wouldn't do this to myself. Who has so little respect for themselves that they would do this?

ummyeaitsmarcie 4 years 29 weeks

fwb almost always stinks, if I was just hooking up with a guy for sex, then it wouldn't bother me that he was out with another girl (unless she was his girlfriend, then that's cheating and I'd drop him that moment). If I cared that he was out to dinner with another girl, I obviously care to much to be just a fwb. End that relationship asap, because feelings should not be involved in it.

lexichloe 4 years 29 weeks

Geez, why do I keep coming to this site?

designerel 4 years 29 weeks

If you want to be a FWB you will have to suck it up-- he can do whatever he wants.

ladychaos 4 years 29 weeks

It is possible to have a FWB that is exclusive (for sexual purposing). Its call RESPONSIBILITY.But yea...if you're not dating him, or you haven't talked to him about exclusivity, let it go. If you feel uncomfortable, then you need to stop seeing him.

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37 Comments

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