Handle This: Your Boyfriend Wants a Stay-at-Home Wife

August 19, 2008

After a few great years together, you and your boyfriend have finally started talking more seriously about your future. You both want marriage and children, but it comes as surprise when he informs you that he expects his wife to run the household while he's at work.

You’re not against the idea of being a stay-at-home mom, but you currently like your job, and most of all you like the option of deciding what’s best for you. But he won’t budge, so how do you handle this?

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46 Comments

lexichloe 4 years

I would just go to work!!! Are we still living in such a male-dominated world that we wouldn't do what our hearts told us? On the other hand, that's my dream life! ;)

Vespa 4 years

It seems weird that all of the comments go straight to breaking up. It says "he won't budge," but is that after one conversation or what? I'd talk it out. If he won't ever change his mind, then think about breaking up.

Janine22 4 years

I have career aspirations and do not respond well to a man telling me what to do, especially with my career. But I do want to spend time at home with my future kids when they are young. However, I would never date a man who ordered me around or was unable to consider my needs and wishes.

Asia84 4 years

The you gotta deal with a motherf*cka telling you that it's HIS money, and HE works...as though wiping his ugly a*s kids poopy butts isn't work.you gotta ask him for an allowance...cheap bastard probably have me cutting coupons and my kids eatting bologne sandwiches.uhhhh!the though just gives me goose bumps.

Asia84 4 years

The you gotta deal with a motherf*cka telling you that it's HIS money, and HE works...as though wiping his ugly a*s kids poopy butts isn't work. you gotta ask him for an allowance...cheap bastard probably have me cutting coupons and my kids eatting bologne sandwiches. uhhhh! the though just gives me goose bumps.

Asia84 4 years

LBMAO!!!If Dan asked/suggested/told me that, i would burst out laughing!That's right up there with getting a tattoo with his name on my arm.It AIN'T happenin'!any man that i have dated has picked up that i'm a career oriented woman...yeah, i eventually want to pop a kid...maybe two. but i'm not going to stay at home!fool around and have a b*tch say, "NEXT!"this ain't Little House on the Prairie.

Asia84 4 years

LBMAO!!! If Dan asked/suggested/told me that, i would burst out laughing! That's right up there with getting a tattoo with his name on my arm. It AIN'T happenin'! any man that i have dated has picked up that i'm a career oriented woman...yeah, i eventually want to pop a kid...maybe two. but i'm not going to stay at home! fool around and have a b*tch say, "NEXT!" this ain't Little House on the Prairie.

courtneyh 4 years

sign me up!

courtneyh 4 years

sign me up!

samischo 4 years

IF he was super rich and i could just spend his money and go shopping, I would consider it. BUT I would get bored after a year and we would eventually end up getting divorced because he would be a control freak. and then i would take his money and go back to work. Actually thats not a bad plan....

designerel 4 years

Ugh. I would consider it a bad sign if you expected you to give up a career. That's very controlling of him, not good. You should stay at home because you want to, not because your husband told you to.

runningesq 4 years

Two words: deal. breaker. The decision of who works when, who (if anyone) stays home, etc. is a decision that BOTH parents make.

skigurl 4 years

it would depend. i love my job and worked really hard for it in grad school, but i also wouldn't mind taking care of kids and running the household if he made enough money. it would seriously depend, but it sounds like he's a bit controlling if he won't budge so i dunno, maybe it's a sign of other negative traits.

PixiePup 4 years

If it were me and I was actually considering it, I would want some assurances that I would be taken care of financially if things should fall apart.

bigestivediscuit 4 years

It wouldn't happen. My bf isn't a caveman.

wambalus 4 years

I can't imagine myself ever being in this situation. I make it very clear to my boyfriends, and current long term partner, that while the relationship is important to me I am definitely following my own agenda and they can come along for the ride if they want. I'm compromising, but I'm not about to submit to other people's ideas of what kind of relationship they want.Talking about future plans early on can prevent this kind of situation arising - through long discussions my current partner and I have decided that when kids come, I'm going to be the career person and he's going to be a stay-at-home dad. The important thing is that it is a mutual decision! After a 'few great years' you think they might have already talked about this.

wambalus 4 years

I can't imagine myself ever being in this situation. I make it very clear to my boyfriends, and current long term partner, that while the relationship is important to me I am definitely following my own agenda and they can come along for the ride if they want. I'm compromising, but I'm not about to submit to other people's ideas of what kind of relationship they want. Talking about future plans early on can prevent this kind of situation arising - through long discussions my current partner and I have decided that when kids come, I'm going to be the career person and he's going to be a stay-at-home dad. The important thing is that it is a mutual decision! After a 'few great years' you think they might have already talked about this.

sundaygreen 4 years

I'd like to think I'd end up with someone who had the same views about raising kids and both parents working / not working (if you can afford it). The kind of guy who demands that his wife stays at home and runs the househould? I didn't even know that existed anymore.

frenchie77 4 years

If it was a preference as opposed to a demand, I think it's fine. Before we got married, he said that he would support any career choice of mine but if possible, he would like me to stay home at least a couple years before they go to school.Honestly, it didn't bug me as he was just expressing a preference, which happens to be mine now, although at the time I wanted to have a huge career. I just changed my mind and now want to stay at home until they are old enough for kindergarten, then go part-time, or work at home.I'd say that this guy sounds really controlling though and I'd run for the hills.

frenchie77 4 years

If it was a preference as opposed to a demand, I think it's fine. Before we got married, he said that he would support any career choice of mine but if possible, he would like me to stay home at least a couple years before they go to school. Honestly, it didn't bug me as he was just expressing a preference, which happens to be mine now, although at the time I wanted to have a huge career. I just changed my mind and now want to stay at home until they are old enough for kindergarten, then go part-time, or work at home. I'd say that this guy sounds really controlling though and I'd run for the hills.